Kanyadaan, Every woman’s story!

Kanyadaan, meaning giving away a daughter. For most of you who don’t know what Kanyadaan is, here it is, in simple words. Kanya means Woman and Daan means Donation.

A ritual of stupidity!?

Kanyadaan is a ritual, a tradition that is being followed since ages. I ask why does this ritual even exist?
Sometimes, I feel like, in the name of marriage, a daughter is sold forever. But a father doesn’t want to donate his daughter. He ties her into the relationship of love & respect with her better half. It shouldn’t be about bidding goodbye to the daughters, instead, it should be a happy moment, as it is said: “shaadi do logo ki nahi, do parivaar ko hoti hai.”

That means everything gets double now, it’s a double offer – two families, two addresses and lots of happiness. Then why the ritual of “Kanyadaan”? I don’t believe in such ritual because women are not objects & marriage is not a charity. Objectifying women has not been rare, and making her a gift is nothing to be surprised of as well. But what surprises me is the fact that this ritual is still in practice, unquestioned.

The world has evolved!

Times have changed, women are getting educated, achieving their dreams, contributing to family finances, taking care of their parents and fulfilling many other responsibilities. Then what is the logic behind still continuing with the rituals like Kanyadaan? I believe, a ritual is just a matter of time and with time rituals should change as well. The ideology of carrying them through generations makes no sense because when we evolve through generations, it means our ideologies should evolve too.

I understand that there is respect towards traditions, no matter how much we grow in life. But if the tradition lacks the logic then why should we follow it. There were also rituals like Sati Sahagamanam which asked women to burn in the fire of her man’s pyre in the death funeral. Out of people’s stupidity, for many eras, it was considered a tradition. But with time, people like Raja Ram Mohan Roy fought against such foolish rituals. I guess, he was that age’s feminist! And eventually, in British rule, they banned this ritual. In the same way, we should be able to understand the traditions that involve stupidity and fight against them.

Fight for yourselves!

Questioning and shunning these rituals will serve a very strong purpose of taking away the religious and moral sanctions that come in the way of providing ourselves with the social settings that we know are logical and justified.

I strongly believe, and urge every girl who finds herself out of her traditional roles, who sees herself at par with males, that she must question these kinds of rituals, “Kanyadaan” in particular. Because no one will come and fight for such things, you should do it for yourself. There are more pressing matters to address and fight for one. With evolving generations, we should understand that it is high time to stand up for ourselves rather than expecting someone else to do so.

Deciphering Hacking: From Movies, Fiction To Reality.

We have seen in many movies, or web-series a hacker is wearing hoodies, typing fast on a computer with random codes appearing in different colours, and a lot of enthusiasm and can-do attitude on actors faces. But in real life do they look in the same way? Do they keep typing that fast to hack anything? Let us find out.

Starting with the appearance, a hacker need not wear a hoodie, have a dark make up etc. They look like normal people with normal clothes and stuff. They don’t live dark rooms or remain isolated and move freely in society and have regular interactions with people.

Coming to the actual hacking, you need not type lines and lines of codes to hack anything. The process is not that complicated, and there are pre-built software’s that do most of the job. To understand more on this we need to know how is hacking done actually.

Before that, we need to know what are the types of hackers. Not all hackers are bad guys; some hackers protect many businesses from hacking and malware attacks. Primarily there are three types of hackers.

  1. Black Hat Hackers.
  2. White Hat Hackers.
  3. Grey Hat hackers.
  1. Black Hat Hackers: These are bad guys in the hacking world, they enter the systems without authorization. They introduce malicious files and destroy the system files. They are criminals, they steal the data, lock your systems, infect it and demand money to release it. The money is generally digital currency like bitcoin. They do this for financial gains or fun. The black hat hackers are a threat to data security in the world.
  2. White Hat Hackers: These are certified hackers, who work for the government and other business organisations. They do testing of the data and find loopholes and act as defenders to protect the data from black hat hackers. Therefore, they can be considered as the opposite of black hat hackers. They are also known as “Ethical hackers” or “Cybersecurity experts.”
  3. Grey Hat Hackers: These fall between black hat and white hat hackers. Generally, grey hat hackers find the system vulnerabilities and report it to the system administrator. Usually, they ask a small fee to fix it. The system administrator might accept or report it. If reported, they come under the black hat because they entered the system without the permission of the administrator.

We have learnt the primary type of hackers and their roles, now let us try to learn the type of hacking techniques generally used. There are 9 of them.

  1. Bait & Switch: As the name suggests, hackers use some deal price or a widget of a browser widget to hack. When you click on these links, it will redirect to another website which has a booby trap. When you enter that website and download anything or enter your details, they will be hacked.
  2.  Cookie Theft: Cookies theft mainly happens when we use unverified browser widgets. Cookies have a lot of information about internet footprint and usage. Cookies are plain or encrypted based on the website; secure websites use encrypted cookies for data privacy. When the widget is the booby trap, it scans cookies and sends it to the attacker.
  3.  Denial of Service/Distributed Denial of Service (DoS/DDoS): This is a very classic technique to bring down systems or websites. The hackers use bots as traffic and hit a website with that; the traffic is overwhelming that it makes the website inoperable. Therefore, this exposes a vulnerability on the website, and the hackers can infect it with malicious files.
  4. Eavesdropping: This is a technique used by hackers to hack a conversation between two parties and get as much information as possible. Hackers use tools to hack messages, calls or any digital conversation and get as much information as possible to hack.
  5.  Keylogging: The hackers install a software or a tool on the system, the tool records everything you type using your keyboard, and the information is sent to the hacker. Therefore, the hacker gets all information you type this can include passwords and other important stuff. Thus, they have all the information they need to hack.
  6. Malware: The hackers use some sort of software to introduce malware into your system. For example, you might have seen many a download links on a few websites. If you accidentally click on the wrong link, a software which is infected will be downloaded and the hackers get access to your system.
  7. Phishing: This attack uses disguised email as a weapon. The goal is to trick the email recipient into believing that the message is something they want or need. For example, you might receive an email notification that it is your bank and they want you to log in. As soon as you open the link it looks that the website is of your bank. Once you enter your login information, it directly goes to the hacker and your bank account is hacked.
  8. Watering Hole and WAP Attacks: In this, the hacker uses an open WIFI connection to lure in the users, as soon as you connect and start using it, the entire internet session you have used will be with the hacker.
  9. “Man in the Middle” (or “MITM”) Attack: It is a bit similar to eavesdropping, but in this technique the hackers have an option to be the middle man between the sender and receiver. Therefore the hacker can modify or even the destroy the data, this attack happens when we use a unauthenticated website for communications.

We have learnt the types of hackers and methods they use to hack. Now let us learn on how to save ourselves from cyberattacks.You can follow these steps to save yourselves from cyberattacks.

  • Never use or give your information on an unsecured website.
  • Never open malicious emails.
  • Don’t download malicious software’s.
  • Never share your passwords via digital medium unless it is an emergency.
  • Never connect to public open WI-FI.
  • Don’t log in on an unsecured website.
  • Never use non-secure widgets.
  • Update your system and servers regularly as the developers release patches to defend against attacks.

If we follow the above steps we are very safe from being attacked or infected from any malware.

India, let’s sense the senses!

Why?
What has happened to our eye?
Are we actually even seeing?;
When we can’t really see what’s going on in our country?

Our rights, our power, our money
But looks like we too are politician’s bunnies;
Our wrong electoral choices;
Rapes, murders are the consequences.

Why?
What has happened to our voice?
Has money blinded our morals & principles?
That being ignorant has become so integral.

‘India is my country,
All Indians are my brothers & sisters’
Every person once in their lifetime has pledged this.
So why do our words & actions not coexist?

Why?
What has happened to our ear?
For we can’t even listen to;
The shrieks & cry of India’s daughters.

How many times will we keep proving;
That humanity means nothing;
For money has now become everything.

Why?
What has happened to the sense of our senses?
For not only girls, even animals fear any touch;
Is this the future India had promised us?
Is this why the legends fought for years for our freedom?
Was this all?

Wake up, Indians!
And for once wake your senses!
See & listen clearly;
For our voices are our weapons towards what wrong;
If everyone’s going wait to wake up till it’s all over;
Any good excepted will be long gone;
Even before you wake up to yawn!

Find out what’s your lucky number!

“Hey! Anitha,

I am pleased to inform you that you are going to get all the good luck soon!

Do you know? I have been dreaming about you for three days now. We don’t even know each other, but I saw visions about you in my dreams. You were happy, rich and filled with the treasure of everything you ever wanted in your life. I was so pleased to see it.

Then I thought Anitha; this vision came to me for a reason. It found me so that I can make it possible for you to receive the fortune ultimately. This is yours, Anitha. You deserve it, all of it and I am here to make it possible for you to receive it on time—enough of the bad and sad days you had. You are in debt of money, and this fortune can lead you to the happiest part of your life. Imagine what all you can do with the money and wealth. You can build a mountain. You will soon receive a check Anitha. All you have to do is accept my invitation and request to connect with you. Click here to read the full message. I am here to help. Please let me take you to your good fortune.”

Ben: Mary, please send this message to given e-mail Ids. But do not forget to change the name of the person. I have just written this one as an example. Also do not forget to add the CTA(Call to action) as Connect with me personally and get the complete wealth at just 20$.

Mary: But Ben, the same message for everyone, do you think it will work?

Ben: I am quite sure of the idiocy of people, Mary.

Mary: How are you so sure about it?

Ben: Okay. I will tell you a small story.

“This story happened a few years back. There was a girl who was in search of job and money. She was very desperate about getting settled. Though she applied for many jobs, sadly, she didn’t get calls from good companies. The girl used to check her mailbox every day in the hope of a call from a good company. She even asked many friends for help. One day, in conversation with a friend, she said, “Man! I am not getting any job. I got so many awards and so much appreciation while I was at college. But I don’t know what happened to me now!” The guy replied, “Hey! Why don’t you go to a fortune teller so that he can help you get some good luck?”

She doubtfully asked, “Do you think that can help?” He said, “Of course! See, I wasn’t feeling well last year, and my mom took me to a fortune teller, and he said that I would be fine this year and gave me this stone of luck. Look, I am fine now!” So the girl agreed and started searching for fortune-tellers online. She saw something called ‘Christin fortune telling-Get your luck spell for exams, career, life, marriage, love, sex and money.’ When she opened that site, she saw a questionnaire and after filling that she got her spell. She tried it for a few days, but it didn’t seem to work. One day morning, she woke up dizzy and opened her mailbox. And her eyes suddenly started glowing. There it was! The e-mail she was looking for. 

“Eureka! You won billions of money. Just get in contact with me, and this complete money can be yours for sure. All I want is for you to have this luck and all you need to give me is just 10$.” The girl started screaming in joy, and she replied back immediately. She checked out the amount and came in contact with the fortune teller. The fortune-teller asked her to do a few things on a daily basis to be able to win that amount. The girl agreed and listened to whatever the fortune teller had to say. Each day in desperation and hope, she kept doing whatever has been said to her and years passed by.”

Mary: Oh, my God! What happened to that girl later? Did she get the money?

Ben: You didn’t ask the girls’ name, by the way!?

Mary: Yes! Who is it? And how do you know all this?

Ben: It is the girl that’s standing in front of you right now; it is me.

Mary: Whhhhhhhaaaat!? Seriously?

Ben: Yes. Sadly or LUCKILY!

Mary: Can’t believe it. By the way, what was your friends’ health condition that was treated?

Ben: Oh! That fellow had anaemia.

Models become actresses and heirs become actors

We all talk about how nepotism is prevalent in the film and media. But there is also the other misconception around cinema, to bring models into the movies. Models are good looking, and they would look great in front of the camera, so Indian directors prefer models over people who can act. People think acting is simple, pretending a few facial expressions. But that is false. Bringing in models just because they are good looking is equally bad as bringing in actors because of their family heritage. An actor is someone who acts. And the term acting is the biggest oxymoron there ever is. To act is not to act but to live in the role. A person who is good at acting is a bad actor because acting is not about acting out but feeling the moment as it is real. It is a skill, and it is out of syllabus for modelling agencies. And it most possibly not a genome that passes through heritage!

Models and relatives of already existing actors usually think acting is all about pretending emotions. Few are an exception, but if you look at the majority of those actor turned models, they only know to pretend a bunch of expressions. And in every film they star, they are same, giving the same expressions in all the movies regardless of their role in the film. They are just bad actors because they are acting and not living in part. Living in character is not an additional skill for acting; it is what acting means. Because of sons, brothers, sisters and models entering acting without any prior training or proper knowledge about acting, ‘living in the role’ became a unique feature, and the one who has it gets treated like a special actor.

man standing on stage
Actors in a theater
Photo by Ruca Souza on Pexels.com

But it is the primary qualification for anyone to act in the first place. Now the films are crowded with such people who are not even qualified to play any character. If you watch behind the scenes of a foreign film, you will understand that if any actor failed to live the role, that scene gets added to bloopers and they are made into a memorable video calling ‘so and so actor broke character’. The fans made it even hell in India that, they demand the director to put specific songs and specific dialogues referring to their real-life presence. But if their real-life presence is referred to in a film, how are they even actors? Directors have even started writing stories that match the real-life character of the actors to satisfy their fans. This is why people who want to become actors go to modelling agencies instead of acting schools. How handsome does Joe Pesci look? Can you compare our so called ‘handsome’ actors’ method of acting with Pesci’s? You can’t!

This thoughtless process is how models and heirs have dragged the art called film to the dump. They even have started calling the movies as an ‘industry’. ‘Telugu film industry, Tamil film industry’. Since when did filmmaking become an industry? Why are Indian filmmakers cutting down the art in film and only concentrating on the commercial aspects of a movie? A film is an act of real-life incidents or imagined incidents. You can do a lot of things with a film. Primarily, you make a film to tell a story to convey an emotion. But making films to satisfy an actor’s fans and earn some dough, is cheating the profession. You are not a director just because you have directed a movie. You are a director if you know how to make a film. You do not know how to make a movie; you know the method to satisfy fans and earn money. You are a businessman, and yes, the word industry fits right for you. The things you are making are no films but just montages of fan service. Don’t call them movies and don’t call your ideas of promoting that shit as a vision.

celebration
Fans going gaga
Photo by Wendy Wei on Pexels.com

Let film be a film! Hiring models to do acting is like hiring a dental doctor to perform brain surgery!

Hey Sad Guy, Not Today!

Hate when people say let go of all the negativity; like negativity is some force or energy that I can shed off. Wish it was that easy! Ironically it is the people that put the negativity there in the first place. I want to call this negativity as a ‘mood’. This negativity they talk about is a bad mood, and you need to keep away from it to have a good day because it is good days and multiple of them that forms a good life. 

What ‘good’ is depends on one’s definition of what ‘bad’ is. If you know what’s wrong for you, you should avoid things that make you feel bad for the rest of your day. Unfortunately for us, multiple aspects make sure of spoiling your day. It is like someone coding a few bad mood inducers in a day, trying to mess up. All you got to do is to be resilient to such inducing agents. 

Such agents can be objects that remind you of bad memories or can be people who are already having a bad day. You can avoid looking at and going to the items that make you feel bad. But it is unfair to say “get lost” to a person who is having a bad day. It is in human nature to go and console those people in sorrow.

You can console them if you want to, but it’s not that you are a bad person if you don’t. It is a choice, and if you choose to console them, it is not that you are good, it’s just that you prefer to comfort sad people. Everyone has ‘sad guys’ in their life. These sad guys are the inducing agents of bad mood. They don’t know that they are doing that, they are in sorrow themselves, but their grief passes on through their facial expressions, responses and words. Words of a person in distress, given the right vocabulary, can make every listener sad.

woman in gray tank top
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

So, when someone told you to let go of all the negativity, they indirectly mean to dump these bad mood-inducing objects and people. They may not mean that, but it is the process behind letting the negativity go. In real life, we have energies that make us work, but this positivity/negativity are not one of those scientific energies. They are a figure of speech meaning mood. Let us not consider vibes as some invisible waves transmitting from minds of people, but let us assume vibes to be words, responses and reactions of people. 

If you see a person in sad expression, you would at least feel like asking them what’s wrong, depends on you if you don’t. But you at least think ‘Why are they sad?’. You drift away thinking about what might have made them sad, and you keep on relating it to your life, reminding you of your own set of painful or bad memories. It might trigger sadness in you; hence the vibes passed. Butterfly effin’ effect! That butter eating kid with the bad mood in California can create a chain of bad moods till Syria and make a militant blast himself! With the internet and sharing thoughts, it is even more possible..

To these sad guys that make our day terrible by being sad, it’s not your mistake, but you should be aware what your mood makes you speak and how those words impact the listener’s mood. You are not ‘vibing’ through invisible waves of energy, but you are passing on bad mood through your facial expressions and your blabbering lips. All you can do is telling the sad guy not to be sad, offering them a solution. Yet, it is their call to take the solution or stop being sad.

You can’t just vibe out the sad guy the way they vibed you into a bad mood. But you can help them kill their sadness gradually, and it might help you get back on track with your ‘positive’ mood. This help is to feel good for yourself, and there is nothing noble about it. But if you choose not to help there is still a chance that you are in a bad mood, thinking about your own set of memories triggered because of that sad guy in your life. You need to understand that if you can not help the sad guy, and if there is nothing you can do to make them positive; you need to drop the trials. You should stop trying and care about your own mood. Your failure of a trial should not make you sad. Because if that made you miserable, you are a ‘sad guy’ in someone else’s life.

This is how the chain works, passing bad moods, being a sad guy in someone’s life. It is not voluntary, and it is not a choice to get low. But how you react to a situation is your call. After you receive an event, it might trigger sadness, happiness or thousand other emotions, but how you react is a choice. Not right at that moment, because at that moment you might respond in an emotional rush. When you are in an emotional rush, you should let it out by either speaking out or acting it out. If you hold on to that emotion, it carries forward throughout the day, and again you become the sad guy.

Not finding an outlet to let your bad mood out, makes you loathe about it all day and you end up moaning, whining and being a guy that speaks out negative words. You even react and respond negatively to almost everything. These responses hurt people, and if they didn’t let that out, they become you, the ‘sad guy’!

We need to break the chain of passing on the bad mood. A bad mood is attractive because it adds some weight to your character. You think it gives you some definition, but it won’t. For breaking the chain, you need to be aware of your mood, reactions and expressions. Do not suppress your inner emotional rush; that is not what I’m trying to say here. Ironically, suppressing your emotions will make you whiny and sad. Act when you want to act, let it all out. Do not carry the burden of emotions and feelings that you can’t lift anymore. Be open and expressive about your feelings, make sure every emotion is justified right, and you won’t carry it forward. Avoid the sad guy’s sadness impacting your mood. Even if you console them, you need not take it personally. 

Tell the sad guy of your life, “Not today!”

Congratulations! It’s a bartender!

Being born in India is like being born with a head tag that reads out one’s career. Right when the baby drops out or sometimes even before the sperm has hit the egg, they are destined to become something. “Hey, I want to have kids” both the parents talk. But it’s a bit different here, it’s like “Shit my favourite uncle died of cancer! Let’s have sex and give birth to doctor?” 

The kid learns unscrewing a bolt, and the parents are already proud. They are pleased because they want to make the kid a mechanical engineer, and this unscrewing somehow makes them feel like it’s progress. Doesn’t make sense? Shouldn’t either! “I always wanted to make you a doctor, son” Come, one dad, I always wanted to be born in a mansion with 24 servants. I couldn’t choose my parents, neither can you determine what happens to me.

When I was a kid, I always dreamed of holding guns and standing at the border, chanting slogans of my country. If the tables had turned and my country was to be vanished and occupied, I would still be holding a gun, but I would be called a militant. Career is a joke! Professions are just labels we created to make things easy; they are only labels.

 I felt relieved when my schooling was finished. Didn’t even know what those subjects had to do with my life, but I was promised that they would somehow help me. I happened to visit an uncle who lectured me for an hour. He said I should take engineering as my bachelor’s degree and also study my masters in some foreign university. I never knew why people would do those things. Like studying in international institutions, as they cost a lot! I thought they were going for the quality of education. But it was only later that I realised they needed quality of certification and not professional training.

An MA History from Danayya Institute from Dilshuknagar looks blech. But the same certificate with beautiful words and designs looks attractive. Who doesn’t “Woah” at a guy who had done ‘Masters in Liberal Arts’ at Stanford University? Did they feed him with diamonds? I don’t think so. But you can definitely buy diamonds with the expense of studying outside. 

Many people talk only about what they studied in the US or the UK. They won’t tell you how they paid their tuition fee. “What are you doing in the UK, Kaushik?” “Ah! MS! The US not the UK!” they say. They won’t tell you how many drinks they served to the customer as a bartender. They won’t tell you how many windshields they have wiped to be able to buy the flight ticket home. Their struggle is real, and their pain is genuine. Just because a parent’s uncle died of cancer, they decided to donate their kid to health services. They had the kid brainwashed from school and pushed towards medicine. 

While you sit here watching TV and telling your neighbours and relatives that your son is studying ‘Doctor’ in the US, he is cleaning pukes out of bar tables! Congratulations, It’s a bartender! The destined doctor you gave birth to had to see a hard life in a place that is not home because of your little fantasy. You could have instead donated your sperm if you wanted to help people medically! Maybe give something once in a while to hospitals? No! You had to have a kid that does what you can not!

Somewhere after realising that he actually wants to become a dancer, your son has already spent half of his life satisfying your doctor-doctor fantasy. You dream of your son becoming a top surgeon, buying you a car and a luxury villa. It is not wrong to imagine such things. But why doesn’t it strike to you that your kid has the mind to have some dreams too? What if he/she is dreaming of singing on a stage? What if she wants to be a stripper? That surely is a possibility!

Have a kid, if you want a kid, or your condom broke! Your dead uncle is dead. People who want to become an engineer will become an engineer. People who want to treat your madness will become a therapist. Just because you can’t fix your flat tyre, don’t have kids and make them a mechanic.

Annoyance of submission, halting the progression!

What are we? What is our purpose? We don’t have answers for that! But what we are trying to do is to progress in life. And what is progression if you don’t move forward? Is time linear or circle? We don’t know for sure. But what is circular is your thought of mind. What you face, you return to that, and you become that again. Your sadness, it makes you come back to it, rot in it. Because I guess that is what it is! You get victimised, and you become the perpetrator either for someone else or for yourself. First, there is a catalyst, someone or something saddens you, making you rot in your dark hole. But for the next time, when you think that you are out. You somehow will start finding your way back to that stink, by hurting yourself for finding ways to get hurt once again. I want to call it emotional masochism, and you can consider the following article as my case study, maybe.

Foreword: Sometimes, I can’t help myself becoming too objective by treating everyone around me as subjects for my little experimentations and observations. Wish, I could stop that, but that helps me be objective when I’m faced with unexpected twists of life. So you can see that I’m using the word “I” a lot, to make it personal. Because this write-up is ‘me’ and telling ‘you’ directly about the things I’ve observed.

Case of Stockholm Syndrome:

We see ourselves submitting to a lot of things; cigarettes, coffee, tea, pleasure, control and sadness. Those last two might look odd one out, but no! Looking at multiple cases and subjects, I have come to the conclusion that there are people who submit themselves and love to be in someone else’s control. They can’t be judged for not sounding logical, because they have grown fond of that oppression; they need that. They need a dictator to control, abuse and treat them as property. 

I have seen many women get attracted to the ‘macho’, oppressive guys. Is it dad complex? Are they looking for someone to replace their overprotective dads? It sure is a probability! But regardless of what complex it is, few really return back to the very person who has hit them pretty bad. They also seem to get defensive when anyone tries to protect the girl from beatings. It’s almost like they are craving for that abuse. Is it not masochism? I never really thought we had so many masochists around us, but here we go, almost every 3 out of 5 women I have run into since my observation had begun were such masochists who crave to be submissive.

I was judgemental, and those words they speak always shock me. It’s not like they tell me directly, but their behaviour, it can be deduced to masochism. It is nothing but Stockholm syndrome because they seem to get a liking towards the abuser, and sometimes surprisingly miss the chokehold on their neck and spanking on the butt. 

Of course, the majority of the subjects whom I have seen suffering from this syndrome, are women, there are men too. Some men want to be controlled by very leading and manipulative women. They get attracted to the woman who validates their every move. These men cannot and will never dare to do anything without their pseudo-MAMA’s approval. No matter if you try to help them drag out, they find their way back to the claws of such dictators. 

Case of emotional masochism:

Now, this is a peculiar case, and I’m one of the subjects too. I can say the number of emotional masochists is a lot higher, and every 2 out of 5 humans are such. They don’t have anything, they are suffering from ‘normal-life’ syndrome. I was affected too, it is boring, and the boredom kills. We, the subjects, search for the meaning of life in different places, we find nothing, as there is nothing. But, we crave for depth, a character arc in our stories. We want our lives to not be flat and something that has a meaning, we are almost obsessed with this search. So much that we find the most comfortable way out.

Depression! No, we don’t have clinical depression, not at the beginning of course. But that is the climax of the path we head to. Somewhere in our life, we, the subjects understood that sadness can be easily achieved. In fact, it is the sadness that made us awake and coming out of it, we began this hunt for meaning. We had a purpose, some definition for ourselves when we were sad and loathing. We had reasons for being like this. We had everything to blame, and when we are not worried, there is nothing but ourselves to blame for things we do. 

A friend of mine hinted to me about this ‘addiction to get depressed’. I instantly got connected to it, I know that I’m heading that way. I already had clues about myself liking the sadness. When I’m sad, I feel I had some depth. It was when I’m messy and scratching the un-groomed beard that I felt like an enlightened being. It made me feel superior to others; like no one knows what I’m going through. It was false, everyone is going through their own shit and feels the same way. I only knew that I liked to get sad until I came out of the thought.

When I was sunk in it deeply, I had the tendency to surround myself with all the tragic news, sad memories, betrayals and overthinking. It took me months to recover from this sort of emotional masochism that I had become. I still find the remnant residual waste of sad-craving ideas in my mind. It cries “the moment is here for you to get sad, go cry” once in a while. I just try to divert myself or make jokes about it because it will run away. You can be a self-loathing sadness craving person almost at every corner, few have periods of such phases once in a while, and few are always craving for sadness. 

I cannot be a judge and say that this is ‘wrong’. If it gives them a purpose to live, maybe we should just let them be. But it is really annoying to be a consoling person for the guy who is emotionally masochistic. And also the guy who always tries to save people from abusive relationships. I have been both, and some people were annoyed consoling me when I was an emotional-masochist. You don’t need to stress yourself, give thoughts about them. Neither should you empathise and try to change them because they won’t. You can hunt them, but it is up to them to change. I changed because I want some other things in life. If you are one of those masochists and you feel like doing some other stuff, do change for the sake of yourselves. 

The minds of those have been burdened and tired, those who have tried to protect these masochists. They must have spent sleepless nights thinking they have to save these people. This is yet another problem, the saviour complex. This is not masochism but an equally irritating super-hero syndrome. But at least, these super-saviours don’t halt progression, they boost it but at the cost of their peace of minds. One thing I want to say to both saviours and masochists is that the progress of life is what we want. Being sad, being in an abusive relationship it makes you stay in the same place for too long. Too long that you almost waste your entire life before you even realise that you can do a lot more things with your life than getting choked or walking in a dark abyss. It takes you nowhere, that path is circular, a void where the end and the beginning are just a hole. All you need to know is that there is a hole, and you can just jump back to the world. Do not take the easy way out, you can do a lot of things with your life. 

Let’s talk about more submissive ideologies and phases in our next article. If you are familiar with more such humiliation-craving masochistic ideas to live, you can comment or mail us at penfluky@gmail.com.

Why not a baby girl?

When someone is married, the next mission of the couple is to give birth. A couple shouldn’t have any other thoughts rather than giving birth. Go hell with their bonding, marriage life and financial stability. When it comes to the matter of birth, choice of gender has a lot of influence as if they are responsible for making it.

In the same land we live, do you know a newborn baby girl is killed by stuffing rice in her mouth due to breathing suffocation. A girl child is killed on June 22nd 2020, A girl child was killed by her grandmothers(both mothers of parents) by throwing her into well, and the sad part is her mother was convinced to do it.

This is the latest case that had happened I quoted, and It’s been arising from many years. Even though in this 21st century, People deeply crave for boy child in their deep shit brains. When I studied many cases regarding female infanticides, the sole reason was the economic burden to raise a girl.

If you think dowry is the cause of this thinking its “NO”. In India there are many cases where Bride and her family forcibly give dowry, and also Grooms are marrying without a dowry.

No, dowry and financial burden are not the reason.

The real mistake is in inferior thinking towards the female community. the real problem is we don’t let them fight, and we complain about them as weak. You should let your ladies fight in this world. If you treat them as fragile, you start fearing due to them which ultimately don’t make you want them.

If you are feared that someone will harass them, Train them in self-defence.
If you feel that someone will ask dowry to marry your daughter tell them that your daughter is equally able to their son.
If you think that she has to depend on her husband’s money, make her educate and self-reliant.
If you feel that she will elope with someone she loves without telling you, then give her freedom of speech and freedom to live.

I could give you millions of examples that can tell you about how ladies are outperforming your so called “VANSH KA CHIRAAG”. but issue is all about the co-existence.

Lastly, stop treating woman as if they are some jewel or treasure that you need to take care of, and you need to provide security to them. They are not your social status symbol. They are the reason for the existence of the world.

This small change in you can bring a difference in the community.

“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.”

-DIANE MARIECHILD.

To the glory of Kargil

With immense strength in heart;
& unmatched bravery  being their art;
They marched on for two months;
Always stood on the fronts;
Facing the fire from every acre;
For they thought they were the Nation’s caretakers.

Have you ever seen heroes?
Yes, they are on the borders day and night;
Always ready for a fight.
1999 was a year of pride;
527 families were flooded with cries;
Everyone lost something that day;
A son, brother, husband, father, friend;
But their lives and sacrifice will never be forgotten;
For they were men in golden.

For the motherland and it’s people;
They fought with the evil;
& soared high like an eagle!
To all the martyred and the one’s still fighting for us;
Thank you;
For saving our country from going to dust;
For every injury you’ve incurred;
For fighting our freedom to live & be heard.

I salute to all the brave hearts of the Kargil war;
For being the perfect example of mankind;
They shall be remembered well;
for it’s for them that every Indian has a place to dwell!
You have made us proud;
For this day only makes me shout;
‘You all were the perfect scouts!’