Honest Love Recital Of My Heart!

In a world full of fake people using others, I prefer people who are truthful and show honest love. It was a tiresome Friday and I finished my work. 

The weekend is kicking in, not that I have some excitement, but I need not work these two days. You guessed it exactly right! I have very few people that I talk to.

 Every day I work, it feels like Sisyphus rolling the stone to the top of the mountain. It just feels like I’m turning into a programmable robot without me liking it.

As Albert Camus in his book “The Myth of Sisyphus” said, “One must imagine Sisphus happy”. I stopped even imagining to imagine to be happy. It may sound weird but It is what it is.

If you feel like you are in a room, where walls are slowly closing in to crush you, you don’t have a lot of choices, do you? I’m glad that I don’t have any work to do for the next two days. 

I sat on my couch and started browsing through my phone. and opened a dating app and started swiping and messaging people. I know my efficacy that none will reply. 

But it is just an arrow in the darkroom. I got no replies for an hour and I got bored and was about to quit it, then something unique happened. Someone messaged me!

 I couldn’t believe that someone replied to me and took my time and opened the message with utmost curiosity. The name is “Sruthi” and the message was a reply to my earlier text. 

So the conversation goes like this. 

Me: Hie!

Sruthi: Hi

Me: How is your life and how is everything? 

Sruthi: Like everybody else’s. Subject to entropy, decay and eventual death.

That is the most honest answer I have ever heard! I got very intrigued and continued the conversation. We talked our hearts out and is one of the awesome talks I’ve ever had. 

It felt very special like I was dreaming in heaven. Since childhood, I had a fantasy of finding honest love. Liking a person by their personality without any other factors.

I thought this might be a step towards that and went to sleep with a smile on this grumpy face. and was searching for honest love pretty much in all my relations. I got very few in life and I’m excited for this one.

The next day I woke up and the first thing I did is text her. I wanted to talk to her and I’m very excited. We talked for an hour and that is one of the best mornings I ever had.

The weekend came to an end and we talked about a lot of stuff. It is one of the best weekends I ever had. We decided to talk next week as we need to do slavery to capitalism for the next 5 days.

I’m back to the fake reality and boy this sucks. I went to the office the next day. I’m told that there is a debate in the office. We have debates in the office as a fun activity.

It is one of the activity and I like and I decided to join. We started it and was going very good. There is a girl making points in the debate. She is on fire and is eviscerating the opponents. 

I liked it and it was a good hour in the office. I’ve finished my day’s work and headed home. As each minute approaches the weekend, I’m getting a tingly feeling throughout the body.

Maybe this is called “excitement” a feeling I never had for a long time. Finally, the weekend has arrived and inner is me is dancing with excitement. 

I messaged her and started chatting. Back to the best times again, and I’m feeling relieved each and every moment I chat with her. I don’t know much about her, but I adore her personality.

She gave me her other Instagram handle and we started chatting on that. We decided to play truth or dare for some time and here is how it went after some questions.

Me: What if someone proposes to you now?

Sruthi: I don’t know, right now I’m numb and I honestly couldn’t tell anything.

Me: You know why I’m asking this?

Sruthi: I’m getting the hints, but not sure. Do you like me?

Me: Of course I like you, everyone likes you.

Sruthi: Haha, that is good.

****** After sometime ******

Me: Okay, I don’t want to beat around the bush. I wanted to express the feeling of my honest love to you. Now I know what you feel. I might feel sad, but I will definitely move on.

Sruthi: Okay, I get it. Thanks for being honest. 

That is the best reply anyone can give honestly. Now I think about it, it is a good response. Honestly, I don’t even know how to react if some random person would propose to me online.

A couple of months passed by and we are chatting regularly. The more I know about her the more awesome is the personality she had. The best part about her is the honesty. 

On a Friday morning, I went to the office and it is the debate day again. Last time one girl was spitting fire and was making awesome points. I’m looking forward to this one.

The debate started and the girl nailed it again. The way she made her points is impeccable. She encountered all the points and presented them very well. 

After the debate, I went to her and talked to her. Here is how the conversation went.

Me: Hey, you nailed that debate. The points you made were awesome!

She: Thanks man, I liked your points too.

Me: Thanks, what is your name by the way?

She: My name is Rashmika, what is yours?

Me: My name is Munna.

Rashmika: Nice to meet you Munna. I will see you later.

Me: Ya sure bye! Have a good one.

I rushed home after the office as it’s the weekend. I went home freshened up and messaged her. An hour passed and I didn’t get a reply. She might be busy.

After an hour, there is a chime on my phone. It is her message, I’m excited and opened the message. It went like.

Sruthi: Hi!

Me: Hey WhatsUp!

Sruthi: Nothing much, hey I got a question to ask.

Me: Shoot it!

Sruthi: What if I delete this account and never reveal myself?

Me: I will definitely feel sad. But I will appeal to you, not to delete it. 

Sruthi: Hmm, okay can I call you?

Me: Sure, now?

Sruthi: If you are busy I will call later.

Me: No, no. call me. I’m free.

***** Instagram call rings *****

Sruthi: Hi!

Me: Hey!

Sruthi: So, I need to tell you something. We are chatting for a couple of months. But I kinda know you.

Me: I didn’t get you, can you elaborate?

Sruthi: Umm yeah, I’m actually Rashmika from the office.

I was first surprised a bit, but I liked it to be accurate. 

Me: Rashmika? The debate girl?

Sruthi: Yes! I’m sorry if you felt bad.

Me: No no, it is fine. I think it is brilliant and loved it.

Then I had the best phone conversation of my life. We talked about a lot of things and I felt absolutely delighted. This is the best way to know someone’s real character.

I may be acting like I’m a nice guy looking, saying honest love and all that. But without talking to me and knowing my actual character, how can she trust me?

She may or may not accept my honest love motion, but I can say with absolute certainty that I got an awesome friend for this lifetime. It is wonderful! 

The Inner Demon

It howled at night in the pitch-black jungle.
It wanted to spring upon its prey,
Upon hearing the prayer.
Oh! It was a calling.

It possessed the man to commit the act.
The possession is real, oh, it's true!
The urge is real, the thirst too.
He's a conniving man now!

He turned towards the moon and smiled.
He pulled his claws and wings out,
And flew towards the moon.
Oh, the beast it was.

He got hold of a branch and moved forward;
Branch by branch and tree by tree; 
Moved till the end of the trees.
At the sight of lotus pond.

He stretched to grab the flower he loved.
In the water, when he saw himself.
Astonished, at his reflection.
For the Demon he was.

All along the way, was I always a demon?
Is my bad myself as the good is me?
Am I demon to act the thought?
Is the good thought-not-act?

He growled and cried for his own reflection.
The guilt killed his mind, ah, the tears.
The appearance too; unwatchable!
Turn me back! He growled.

But can he? Or will he change the act done?
The devilish deed and demonish greed.
The wantings of urge and pure need.
Now he is all the demon's feed.

The demon jumped out, sprung out from him.
Left him crying at the pond, laughing hard.
The man on his knees, crying out loud.
But would he know it left?

Would he ever again dare to see in the pond?
Could he ever have a glance at himself?
Will he realise that it was not him?
That it was the demon.

And the demon? Just part of his mind's jungle.
The one that hides and attacks when called.
The actions! It possesses them hard.
The thoughts however, not!

It is the thoughts that call it out to act open.
The man could have controlled the call.
But did he? He gave himself to it.
He sold the soul to the demon.

Now he gets what he asked for, the eternal guilt.
The burden of the thought; that unasked act.
That could have passed away; the thought.
But it did turn into an act.
The unforgettable.
The un-passable.
Quite natural.
But still is,
Not-allowed!
Is never.
No, No.
No.

The White Rose of Mary Garden

I belong to Mary garden,
The garden of beautiful roses,
Many are red, while one is white,
The red roses thought the white is special,
The white thought she didn't have the colour,
Every time we all grow a flower,
The gardener comes to take us all over,
He took many red, but didn't chose me much,
I thought I was not just upto the mark,
I grew flowers and then they die and fall,
No use of me like all the red flowers,
But fortunately, I was always treated equal,
Gardener loved me, he always kept me special,
I wanted all that red roses had,
Put in the normal ground with all the crowd,
Little did the gardener knew I was lonely,
He always thought I was charmingly lovely,
Neither he allowed anyone to touch me,
Nor he gave me that regular treatment,
For all I knew, I was just getting loner,
A few red roses loved me for my charm,
Then there were many that totally hated me,
I started growing weak with all that in me,
Mentally and physically, I was falling apart,
The gardener tried saving me,
But the poor didn't knew it all,
I am just a plant and I will die like all,
I tried to make flowers but I failed always,
Growing innocent that I will grow one day,
My little red friends also believed in me,
Always pushed me to get that extra mile,
I didn't want to disappoint anyone,
Pushed it harder to every ounce in me,
Unluckily for me, I didn't knew my power,
Either it was a boon or just a ban,
I realised I shouldn't have tried to know it,
When I didn't knew, I was "The White Rose,"
After I know it's all just a prose,
I died in the process just trying to bloom,
Now that I am dead, I can see it clear,
Dumb that I thought, I was the only white,
For now I know we are all coloured different,
Different and Beautiful, all over mesmerizing,
We all be born and die some day,
We all are treated equal and special,
You just need to see world from a different view,
Then you can fly and be out of the blue,
Wait the story isn't over! I did that too,
But how did I die, wasn't I supposed to live,
The red roses as I call them are all alive,
They all saw themselves normal and didn't reinvent,
or I was just a fool to think I could be any different

Compressed Room, Outburst Of Feelings.

I’m sitting in my small compressed room,
But my thoughts are going like boom.
Scrolling through texts on my phone,
Feeling like I’m in a place I don’t own.

I have a lot of emotions and want to share,
I really doubt that anyone would care.
I feel numb and start thinking of what is next,
After a while, my phone chimes and there is a text.

It’s from a dating app, and I got intrigued,
It is a girl I liked a few days ago and I’m excited.
I opened her and profile and it has no pics,
I gathered the courage to type my first words.

I want to talk to her but have no words,
There is music in my heart instead of beats.
I decided to talk to her by sending a text,
I had no courage and thinking of what to do next.

After some time, I sent her a “hello!” and was very nervous,
She read it, started typing and I got curious.
She sent me a “Hi” and that’s the best feeling ever,
Suddenly the compressed room isn’t gloomy anymore.

We are texting almost every day and it’s awesome,
It feels like my mood suddenly had a happy blossom!
Everything about her was perfect and beautiful,
Every slightest text or update of her was blissful.

She told me I’m the honest guy she ever met,
It felt like I’m looking at a beautiful sunset.
The compressed room now became a colourful one,
My happiness and joy for this are now second to none.

I started developing feelings for her and decided to confess,
I got the fear she might reject and my heart felt a little distress.
I finally gathered the courage to confess to her,
I hoped she would accept and we would be together.

She smiled at my message and replied “YES”,
I fell into a life of never-ending happiness.
I didn’t know how she looks and it doesn’t matter,
She came into my life and made it way better.

We are together and for me, it is a great success,
The compressed room became, a heaven of happiness.

Take me along, let’s fly away

Take me along with you,
You and I are right here;
Wishing all the luck to me,
Some solace and peace;

I wanna walk by your side,
I am tired of the solitude;
I wanna shed all my tears,
I am tired of my attitude;

Begin to tell me already,
How can you make me sleep;
For I haven't slept in years,
With all burden ingrained deep;

I wanna walk down the lane,
I am tired to be glued;
I wanna drop all the crap,
I am tired of putting myself to feud;

Let me just feel this time,
Can you make it cease;
Is this all just a memory,
You have painted it like a masterpiece!

Feminism: The Vital Need Of The Hour.

There was a lot of discussion on feminism in the world. Many opinions don’t agree with the basic definition of feminism.

The basic definition of feminism is gender neutrality, irrespective of any gender everyone should have equal rights in everything.

It is okay when people do not know the meaning of any word, or can’t get it they get cranky and go gaga.

They can find the meanings in the dictionary or the Internet and change their opinion, but you know they are strong and will keep the same.

I was researching a lot on patriarchy and feminism for many days. In the past few days, I have been doing more, because I needed answers.

Why are few so-called “men” get trigger by the word feminism? The basic purpose of feminism is gender equality. Why are these people making a big dance on it?

So I got a few answers, let’s discuss them. Let us rely on data, because whether we like it or not data doesn’t lie.

It slaps you in the face with facts. India is the leading country with the most female foeticide cases.

They might come with an argument saying it was in the past, now its all glory and heavenly.

Why don’t we talk 2020 which was a month ago? In 2020, about 4.6 crore females ‘missing’ in India due to son preference: UNFPA report.

NCRB data shows that there is a 7% rise in crimes against women in 2020. These are the stats from by the government officials. The cases that don’t get any limelight are huge.

If we leave India and go to the international level, it the same and it gets worst going forward. Even in other countries, people have no clue on the same.

According to a recent report from WHO, one in three women is subjected to violence in one or the other form.

Sadly most of the women in the world don’t even know that they have basic rights. They still fall to the claws of patriarchy.

They come with statements like “A Women is Innocent until proven guilty, a man is guilty until proven innocent.” or “I think the men that stayed on the Titanic would love the idea of feminism.”

These are the most useless and ironical statements I’ve ever heard. The same patriarchy which these men follow said women are weak, they need protection, men are strong and can do anything.

And the same people come with the statement like women are innocent and why did women go first when Titanic sank. I mean it doesn’t make any sense.

This Patriarchy didn’t even leave the field of science. To put their research forward and get peer-reviewed, many of the female scientists had to put gender-neutral names, just so that their paper gets reviewed.

Women are not asking or don’t need any protection. The mindset of men who cling to patriarchy should change.

They are asking for the rights they already have which patriarchy took away. They don’t need any special rights.

The patriarchy has assaulted almost everything in men and women lives. It gave these so-called men an imaginary power to take control over everything.

Most of the men demand patriarchy as if it’s their birthright. They do all the reckless things to attain the same.

In the end, I want to conclude by saying, these so-called men, oppose feminism or hate it because they don’t know what that means.

I cannot stress this enough, but your inability to understand anything doesn’t make it a valid argument against it.

To read more contemporary issues, click on this link: https://penfluky.home.blog/category/contemporary-issues/

The secret thought of my heart!

Should I kiss you back or should I not,

Guess this is just a curse, just a wrath;

Should I tell you this or just hold the thought,

Because you and I are made to be apart;

Is this what we call misery, or our fates throwing us dart,

Well, it might be just us again crossing the paths;

Should I wet my lips with you or leave them to rot,

Don’t worry my dear, that’s not your fault;

Wish you could ask me one more time to touch or not,

And I could tell that I miss you and you are too hot;

I laugh at myself about that because I thought I forgot,

For my mind keeps telling me, you are carrying a lot;

Whenever we meet, I can see through your heart,

Is it just me with you or is that my art;

May be I should seal my feelings like a clot,

Darling, you and I are made to be apart!

Read more such stories and poetry on https://penfluky.home.blog/category/stories/

Story Not For The Light-Hearted, The Reality.

” I did it! I finally did it! Everyone thought this is some fairy tale story! But I did it! I cannot believe I did this!

I’m going to call my friend and tell him this. He might not believe me, but this is crazy! I just can’t believe it!

Hey Harris! Mark here, I finally did it! I’m successful in creating the machine! My dream has come true! I’m very excited about this!”

“Congratulations Mark! Your struggle has finally paid off! I’m very happy for you! What are the next steps that you have to do to move forward?”

“Testing man, getting more people to volunteer for this. Conducting trials and collecting the data and if everything checks out, expecting a nobel lol.”

“That is awesome my man! I cannot say how happy I’m for you! World betterment is the next stop! I’m here for you if you need anything.”

“I know Harris! I know it! Thanks for always being there bud! I will meet and talk to you soon. Take care my man.”

“Yo Mark, I will see you soon. Let’s drink a beer together next time we meet! Once again congrats and all the best, talk later bud!”

Call ends

“It is always awesome to talk to my brother man! I think even I don’t believe in me that much than him. Should find volunteers and get going.

“I will give an advertisement tomorrow in media for volunteers and hope I get a few people or at least one. Should give an attractive advertisement.

“Here is the advertisement: Wanna know if people really trust you? And everything you say? If you are curious get in touch with me!

“Looks nice! I’m gonna post it and see what happens. Well its been a long day, I will sleep for some time and hope to see everything works.

Next Day

“That was a good sleep! Let’s see if I got any volunteers. I hope at least I got one. Let us see………… here we goo…..

“Well, this sucks! I got zero replies from the people. People rush you all the useless and imaginary things but for science and development.

“What can I do other than wait. I will continue with the day and hope someone replies to me. Man understanding people is tough!

In the evening

“Let’s see if I got any replies about the advertisement. I hope there is someone out there who trusts in science. Here we go……

“Wow! I got a reply! Yes to the sciences. Let’s see who is this wonderful human being. Ah! looks like a man, anyone’s fine. Let us see what he says.

“What the…..! His message says wanna invest in bitcoin and want to turn $500 investment into $5000? Message to find out more.

“These scammers! I wonder how many people fall into this. I sometimes feel bad for people who fall into these scams. Well, I will check tomorrow.

Next Day

“Let’s see….. yay I got a genuine reply! This guys name is Morris. He wants to participate in this and he is from this city, Niicee…

“I will message him and get in touch with him and I hope I don’t blow this up and I really hope he accepts to volunteer for my study.

” I just sent him a message and I hope he accepts and meets me. Everything starts with a single step and I hope this step is a success.

“Wow, he accepted my request for the study and gave me his contact number. This is an awesome start for this wonderful story so far.

“Hey, Morris! This is Mark, the one who asked you about the study. Thanks for accepting. Are you free tomorrow to meet?”

“Hey, Mark! No problem, I’m always in to promote science. Yes, I’m free tomorrow to meet you. Shall we meet for lunch?

“Sure Morris, I will text you the location to meet. We shall meet for lunch and I will explain the procedure. See you soon. Take care!

Call ends

“Well, the story just got very interesting. I’m beyond pumped! I can’t wait to meet this gentleman and start my experiment.

Next Day

“Hey Morris, thanks for meeting with me. So will keep it simple. I suppose you have read the description of the advertisement right?”

“Hi Mark, Yes I have read it. It is very interesting. I just want to see science has come to a stage to see if people believed what I say.”

“I’m beyond happy that a young man like you is interested in science and I’m pretty sure if I tell you the procedure you will more thrilled.”

“I’m excited and all ears Mark! Hit me with it.

“At first I have two pills. Both with different functionalities. One of the pills is I need you to take before telling the news to the person.

“This enables you to tell the truth. I want the news you tell to be honest and not to fake or play with peoples feelings.

“The second pill is for them. After they take the pill it takes 24 hours to activate. After that, you can tell them the news and it captures actual reaction.

“So you need to take the pill after the next day after they take it and just before you tell the news. I hope you are following my story.”

“Yes, Mark I followed that train of thought and I completely get it. Just one question, where are the results captured for this?”

” I have a Virtual Reality kind of headset that gives the data right to you so that there will be privacy. I just formulate it and give the details.”

“Interesting Mark very interesting. I’m in on this. I will give the pills today and call them by taking my pill right in front of you tomorrow. “

“Wonderful! Here are three pills to give to others and I have your pill. I can give you your pill when we meet tomorrow at my office. Take care man!”

Next Day

“Hey Morris, so you are here. Did you give your friends that pill? And most importantly did it pass 24 hours after they have taken it?”

“Hey Mark, Yes I did and yes it is past 24 hours. I have one question though. If they already knew about pill how would we get genuine reaction?”

“To answer this simple for you, it is science, Morris. Their lips might be lying, but with their moments and inner body functions we can be accurate up to 90%”

“Cool! One more question too, why this 24-hour clock though? Can’t we take the pill at the same time and get honest reactions?”

“Very good question Morris, the pill you give them captures the data on how they speak the truth and lies in these 24 hours. After that their reaction to your problem will be honest”

“Interesting! I can’t tell you how excited I’m Mark! I’m ready, lets do this!”

“You bet! Let us unfold the other part of the Story! Take the pill and call one of the people you gave the pill.”

“Sure, Hey Claire, so I had a very bad incident Yesterday. As you know I took the pill just now and I will only be speaking the truth. Yesterday there was a big fight with my parents and I’m feeling very bad.

“I have these fights regularly but this is kind of a big one and I’m feeling very bad about it. Just wanted to share with you.”

“Aww! I’m sorry to hear that Morris. I wish I was there to help you with this. Just don’t take too much in and keep focusing on things that matter. You will surely have very good days ahead.”

“Thanks for listening Claire! You are the best as always. Talk to you soon!”

“Any time Mark! Have a good day and remember to not to take too much in.”

“So Morris, she seems like a very good friend. I’m sending the results to your VR. Take a look and testify for yourself.”

“She is very awesome Mark. I’ve known her for a very short period, but she like one of my best friends. A mentor and a mountain like support.”

“Glad to hear that! Shall we call the second one Morris?”

“Sure Mark, here we go! Hey Tommy, what’s up my man! So listen I had this big fight with my parents regarding job and stuff and its very bad man!”

“Hey, Morris, my man! Bro, I have told you many times, quit those bloodsuckers and do something you love. I’m sure even your parents will appreciate this,

“Sure at first they might taunt you and stuff, but you willsuffer for the rest of your life if you don’t. Do you want me to talk to your parents on this?”

“No Tommy, it’s fine! If things go out of my hand I will surely ask you to talk to them. Thanks for listening bud! Hope to see you soon!”

“Even he seems like a good guy Morris!”

“Yes Mark, I know him for 10 years, We have been friends since my school. He is one of my best friends.”

“Good to hear that! I have sent the results of these as well.” Ready for the third?”

“Absolutely Mark! Here we go Hey Roger! What’s up brother? So listen I had this big fight with my parents and it was very bad brother!”

“Hey, Morris, I’m sorry to hear that brother. I just can’t imagine myself in your situation. You have a lot on your plate, I’m surprised to see that you are managing them without losing mental balance.

“These are testings times my man! Just stay strong and I’m pretty sure you will overcome these too.”

“Thanks for listening bud! Talk to you soon!”

“Morris looks like you got some awesome friends. I have sent the data of the third too.”

“Honestly Mark, I just came to see how science works on this. I need not see the results. I’m pretty sure they trust me and I trust them too. Thanks for the expereince.”

“You are welcome Morris, but I suggest you look at the data. So the experiment can be marked as successful and complete.”

“Sure Mark, I will definitely look. Here we go. Mark I think there is a mistake. It shows Roger didn’t believe it. I don’t believe this.”

“Calm down Morris, I have been formulating this for the past 7 years. I’m pretty sure it’s good.”

“I’m calling Roger Mark. I can’t stand this anymore. Hey Roger, be honest with me the result shows you didn’t trust me. The system might be broken, but the scientist here says it is efficient. Please be honest.”

“Uhmm well, I honestly think you want sympathy or some kind of attention. So I think you might have lied about things and your story.

It doesn’t make sense that a person can have all these sufferings. Now you be honest and tell the truth. Do you want sympathy?”

“What the fuck are you talking about bud? Why would I want sympathy?
Are you listening to yourself? What happened to you?”

“Stop lying and wasting my time man! I have other works to do. Leave me alone!”

Call ends

“Mark! What the hell is this? I know Roger since 6 years, this cannot be true, I mean I could have proved my story. This is not fair!”

“Okay Morris, I will tell you something very important. you gotta listen very carefully. You said you would prove your story. How many times will you do that?

“If you prove that you are emotional to someone to get their trust, you are becoming an emotional slave to yourself.

“How many times will you prove your story and the situation? What is more bizarre than proving to someone that you are crying?

“One of the famous Philosophers Albert Camus once said Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is, you are said in this situation and that is a fact.

“If someone doesn’t believe that, that doesn’t mean that you are not sad. That means they are not trusting you.

“How would someone believing or not believing you change your emotional state, Morris? It is not reality or logical right?”

“On the other hand, you have told your part of the emotion and the story. You are relieved that a person is listening to you. The other person believing or not believing is not your business, right?”

“You are absolutely right Mark! Thanks for listening, I will take leave and once again thanks for the experiment.”

End of story

In conclusion, I just want to say Human emotions are not concrete and we cannot express a single emotion at the same time.

It is always a combination of emotions. That is how our limbic system of the brain is built.

But some of us might be getting sucked into a single emotion at times. This can be due to the environment we live in, a situation we might not be able to handle etc.,

If we take this deeply in psychological terms, it is not a single expression it is a sadness that moves to grief, pain and disturbs the capabilities to think.

Why would someone wants sympathy when they are sad? If you don’t want to help or listen, no problem say that straight.

But if you are claiming that a person is sad always just because to get sympathy, that is the most disgusting thing ever and its inhumane.

According to many research articles, this is one of the leading causes of high-level depression. Not listening to one’s story and blaming them for being sad is bizarre.

My Home Sweet Home, this is where I belong

Walk to my home

We travel a lot of places, we do a lot of things, but at the end of the day, our body demands to go back home. Now what home is may vary with people. A home is not literally a shelter, but a place or a person you feel that you belong to; that is your home sweet home!

Reading those lines, I kept walking forward. “How can I belong to something? Isn’t it Psychological?” I laughed and threw the piece of paper away. It came to me in a cookie. “Humans are sentimental fools” I laughed. It occurred to me that I always assume that I’m not human.

I don’t know how it happens, but most of the time I feel like an observer of this world and not really one of them. And I think everyone feels that way, but I don’t know. I get too carried away sometimes, and I just feel like I’m observing, writing notes and learning what a human is. 

When it comes to me; when I suddenly look into the reflections of mine, I remember that I’m one of those idiots I laugh at. There might be some idiot who is laughing at me right now. And for that dimwit, I’m an idiot. Are humans innately narcissistic? Or is it just me reflecting myself upon the world?

My home sweet home?

I reached my building and I opened the gate. I could see the baker’s family packing their bags, all tired and fed-up. “Need help?” I yelled. I don’t know why I did, it was spontaneous but I did however. “Nah, it is almost done” Premji answered. He is a funny little guy. I have different names for people in my mind, and I name them with a physical attribute they got.

I can never say that out loud, because it might appear to be an insult. Maybe I will be looked upon as an objectifying shit. But, physical attributes, as it is, without any adjectives are not insults according to me. “A fat man” is not an insult for me. “An ugly fat man” is definitely an insult. I’m a logical person.

“Don’t you feel sad?” A voice called me from the lost world of thoughts. I realised that I have been staring into Premji’s wife’s face all the time while thinking about names and fat men. “Because you are leaving?” I asked. That was dumb, but that was I thought, so it’s ok.

“No, because you are selling your house” she said in a painful tone. “I haven’t quite thought of it. I guess I am not sad. I’m neutral” I said. But I didn’t mean what I said. In fact, I have never really thought about it that way. My house? Does it belong to me? I am its owner. It’s my home sweet home!

I continued to walk smiling and while climbing the stairs there was a scent that felt new. Well, I understood that I have been sniffing this scent all the time but it was this time that I realised that it was different from the outside. I walked to my room upstairs, on the first floor. I unlocked and got in. The smell grew dense and it filled my nostrils.

The smell of my home

This is the smell of my house! This is its scent. Maybe it’s the naphthalene balls, I thought and went back to bed. I just bumped on the bed, like gravity pulled me down. Back to names, I went. I would recognize Mr. Premji as Mr. Five By Five. He is five feet tall and seemingly wide. He reminds me of the song, Mr. Five by Five.

And this urge came to me to listen to that song. But I was too lazy to reach my phone that I left on the table in the living room. My drive to listen to the song wasn’t strong enough to motivate me from getting up. I kept lying there, looking at the edge of the pillow.

An Ecosystem?

I noticed a small spider walking around the edge of the pillow. It is inches away from the tip of my nose and I guess it noticed this giant creature and is trying to run away. I blew air, like a sadist and saw the spider fall far away on the floor. And it struck me that my home is actually an ecosystem.

The baker, me, five other humans who live above, not only them, there are lizards, rats, roaches and spiders that live with me. I have inherited not just a building but an entire ecosystem, I thought. And I couldn’t shake this thought away. I don’t know why, but there was an urge to shout “ecosystem”. And like every other human, I am in control of my emotions too.

I shouted “ecosystem”, and I laughed. Then I took a deep breath. I noticed the scent again. This is my ecosystem too. This smell, the old radio, loose-hinged bed, half-rusty windows, paint flaky ceiling, and every corner about this house, they belong to me. NO, I belong to them.

My belonging is to every corner of this house, and couldn’t shake this feeling and to away with it I got up. I should have a coffee, I thought and rushed to the kitchen; my senses are all awake now. I saw myself and my memories everywhere around this place. It is indeed my home sweet home. 

Memories in my home

I heated and poured some coffee and instinctively sat on the kitchen counter. I imagined my mother preparing food while I chatted to her while drinking coffee. And I imagine my sister yelling my name in an annoyed tone from the living room and my father entering the house after his work. 

My senses. Smell, touch, objects that I see, sounds, and the taste of this coffee, they took me back in time. And after almost two decades, I realised this was my home; my ecosystem. That I belong here and it owns me. I understood why I never thought I belonged in the city. Because my ass always belongs here.

Now it might be dumb, it might just be a psychological construct, but I realised like any other human, even I was a mere human and I am already trapped in the sentiment of belonging. I don’t know how it happened, but there was an urge. And I realised that they are going to demolish the house in a week. Practically, I wouldn’t be able to capture the entire house in my memories.

Memories aren’t reliable and I want to capture every corner and every inch of this house. The drive was strong. So strong that I couldn’t resist. I rushed outside with my phone, I began clicking pictures. But it was not enough. Photos were not reliable too. I began recording the video of my entire house like an idiot.

I didn’t want to leave any corner un-recorded. The edge where I hit my head as a kid, the corner where I hid while playing hide and seek, I was not leaving anything go un-captured. I don’t know how it happened, but in the process of recording this ecosystem of mine, tears rolled down my eyes. 

Reliving, capturing the last moments

I rushed downstairs, I wanted to capture the garden and the backyard. And I kept on recording and the tears rolled down, I kept wiping them. I’m selling the house, with it, I can’t survive, I can’t maintain it. Without it, I guess I’m homeless. Maybe I will be somewhere, plant my ass on a bed in some corner. But I won’t belong there.

Not as much as I belong here. This is my home sweet home, this is where I belong. I couldn’t control my tears anymore, I burst out falling on my knees in the garden. I don’t know what stuck me. But this smell, this sight, this touch of the mud, the taste of the coffee at the end of my tongue, I can not have these at one time again. 

My home, sweet home

There would be a new smell, a new sight and a new ecosystem which won’t be mine till I finally delude myself and divert in the uncontrolled chaos of my life. But as a matter of fact; as a logical and quite evident observation, I can say with authority that this is my home!

A person’s sound of walking made me come back to this world again and I turned towards it. It was Mrs.Premji looking at me with sympathy in her eyes. “I understand, Krishna. It’s your home after all” she spoke softly. I nodded at her while I now finally understand what I’m doing, that I’m selling the place where I always belonged to. And I’m indeed sad or not happy at least.

One-Electron Universe Theory A Crazy Idea!

In the last science article, we have understood the concept of the Mars Rover. In this article, we will learn the concept of the One-Electron Universe Theory.

One-Electron Universe:

It is the hypothesis that all electrons and positrons are manifestations of a single entity moving backwards and forwards in time. In simple terms, according to this theory, there is only one electron that moves backwards and forward in time. 

By moving and interacting with the past and the future, the electron bounces itself in the past and future. It interacts with itself an infinite number of times and produces an infinite number of electrons.

The basic idea of the one-electron theory is that every single electron in the universe is the one same electron travelling forwards and backwards in time. The idea is a bit crazy! One the other hand, the approach was revolutionary for the time.

Let us understand the history behind this idea.

History:

In the Spring of 1940, one of the famous physicist, John Wheeler called his favourite student Richard P Feynman. Wheeler said that all the electrons have the same charge and mass because they all are the same electron.

Wheeler got this idea because all the electrons have the same charge and identical mass. So he anticipated that all the electrons are a single electron. 

The same electron moves back and forth in time and interacts with itself an infinite number of times. By interacting with itself, it produces an infinite number of electrons. 

According to this theory, when an electron moves backwards in time, its a positron. Which is an antimatter particle of an electron.

Positron: A positron is the opposite of an electron. It has a positive electric charge.

Mathematically the one-electron universe theory has a very significant impact on many quantum mechanics calculations. But it failed to answer the question, if this theory is right, why there is very less antimatter found in the universe compared to normal matter.

Let us understand a few of the applications of the one-electron theory.

Applications:

  • This theory was very helpful in getting many calculations of quantum mechanics.
  • One-Electron universe if the first theoretical basis of time travel.

In conclusion, the one-electron theory might not be successful in experiments. But the premise of this helped us solve a lot of physics problems. This theory is also the basis of the recent Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece “Tenet.”