Scared Heart That Never Left The Closet.

Goutham is a simple kid with big curious eyes and a heartful smile. He is a very pampered child and an angel to the family. He is a very active kid who loves playing with his cat. It is the summer vacation, and Goutham couldn’t go out as it was scorching. Goutham is petting the cat, and his mom walks to him, kisses him, and says, ” You are turning 7 tomorrow! It just feels like you were born yesterday. Thanks for choosing me as your mother and your dad your father. We love you so much. Your dad is on the way, he is getting you some cool cloths.” After hearing this, Goutham is very excited and is staring at the entrance door for his father’s arrival. In the evening around 5, his father comes with a bag. Gotham’s eyes glow at the site of his father. His father enters the home, sees Goutham with his cute surprised eyes, kisses him, and goes in. Goutham runs behind is the father. His father keeps the bag on a table and starts unpacking things.

 Goutham imagines that some magician is unraveling stuff from the magic basket. There were chocolates, biscuits, and many more party items. Goutham’s face glows like a moon in the sky, but his eyes are searching for his fancy dress. Finally, the dress comes out, and it is a suit. Goutham’s eyes were like glowing stars. The dress was beyond his imagination, and it was beyond perfect for him. He hugs his dad, kisses him, and they all go to have dinner. After dinner, the house members decorate the house with color papers, flowers, etc. There is a big “Happy Birthday” banner with Goutham’s precious smile. It is absolutely stunning, and Goutham loved it. It is late at night, and Goutham was not able to sleep as he is very excited for the next day. Gotham’s father comes to him, and here is how their conversation goes:

Dad: Dear! Why are you not sleeping? And did you like the decorations and your dress?

Goutham: I’m excited about tomorrow, and I liked them very much.

Dad: As you are not sleepy, let me show you something. 

Dad finds a paper, comes to Gotham, and starts folding it.

Goutham: Dad, it looks so cool! What are you making?

Dad:  I’m making a paper boat. A fantastic paper boat you can play with when monsoons start.

Goutham: Dad, it looks incredible, please teach me how to do it.

Dad takes Goutham on his lap and teaches him, and as usual, his eyes are sparkling brighter than Sirius A (The most shining star in the night sky). They complete the paper boat, and Goutham is very happy with the outcome. Goutham carefully places them in his closet and gives a good night kiss to his dad. Before sleeping, Goutham says, “Dad one day I’m going to a buy a real boat which is as good as our paper boat, and we all can go one a fun trip around the world. I will sit between you and mom” Dad gets emotional, hugs his son, and waves him goodnight. 

Finally, the big day has arrived. Everything is ready for the evening party. As it was the summer holidays, many guests attended the party, and one of them is Goutham’s uncle Jagan, who is a manager in the Biggest M.N.C. All the guests arrived at the party, and there are laughs, happiness, dances, singing, and many more lovely moments. Goutham is enjoying each and every sight of the party. Finally, the moment has come to cut the cake, Goutham’s eyes sparkle as he is blowing the candles. He gave the first piece to his mother, then father, and it went on till Goutham’s face was like a chubby baby elephant. The sight is very adorable. The guests have dinner, and they all went home. It is one of the happiest days in Goutham’s life. Little did Goutham knew that it might be his last.

The next day evening, Goutham has to go to his Uncle Jagan’s house, as his parents are going on a business trip for a couple of days. Goutham is happy as he loves his aunt so much. Goutham is dropped at Jagan’s house, kissed his parents, and waves goodbye. Goutham enters the house, and his aunt hugs him, feeds him dinner, and as it is late, they go to bed early. The next day Jagan takes leave as he has a headache, Goutham’s aunt gives instructions to Jagan on how to take care of Goutham and leaves for work. Goutham sits with his uncle and is playing with his toys. Goutham’s uncle says, “its time to take a bath Goutham, lets go.” Jagan prepares the bathtub with lukewarm water and undresses Goutham and keeps him in the tub.

Now Jagan undresses and enters the tub and starts touching Goutham repeatedly. Goutham is not aware of what is happening with him, he looks around with the eyes of help but couldn’t find a ray of hope. Then Jagan starts kissing Goutham vigorously, it is so extreme that Goutham is breathless. Gotham’s lips start to bleed, and Goutham starts crying in pain, but there are no ears to listen to that. After some time, Jagan stands up and starts exploiting the upper part of Goutham’s body sexually like a monster. Goutham has no clue on what is happening with him. Then Jagan exploits Goutham’s lower half of the body, and Goutham starts bleeding. Even at that sight, Jagan’s monster instinct didn’t stop. He starts hitting the child and has a maniac smile on the face. Jagan warned Goutham that if he going to tell his parents about this, Jagan is going to kill them.

Goutham has no clue that he was sexually abused. The injuries were faked by Jagan saying Goutham hurt himself while playing. After a couple of days, Goutham’s parents come back to pick him up. He is not the same active kid anymore, he is alone most of the time, not the same who used to hug his father or sleep in his mother’s lap. He is suffering from huge Trauma. Summer holidays are complete, and schools reopened. In school, Goutham is standing up involuntarily due to pain. His teachers are always questioning him on the same. He became weaker in studies and sports. The abuse didn’t stop either, it became so worse that Jagan used to bring his friends to abuse Goutham. Goutham tried to convey this to his mom by saying that he is bleeding, Goutham’s mom thought it is due to the heavy consumption of mangoes and stopped him from eating them.

The monsoon has passed, and the paper boat never left the closet, in the same way, that Trauma never left Goutham. Goutham was assaulted for 10 years. Every day he was assaulted, his cat used to come to him and lick all his tears and cuddle with him. The only support the Goutham got is his cat. One day, when Jagan came to assault Goutham, Goutham gathered all the courage he could with the support from his cat. Goutham kicked him and shouted, “NO!” From that day, he was not assaulted.

Even today, Goutham is suffering from Trauma. He gets scared when a person suddenly comes from his back. He cannot talk freely to people, especially strangers, and has very low self-esteem.

According to W.H.O. ( World Health Organisation) Nearly 3 in 4 children – or 300 million children – aged 2–4 years regularly suffer physical punishment and/or psychological violence at the hands of parents and caregivers. One in 5 women and 1 in 13 men report having been sexually abused as a child aged 0-17 years. 120 million girls and young women under 20 years of age have suffered some form of forced sexual contact. I mean, what is wrong with people? It is depressing and very worrisome. 

In the end, If you are a parent and if your kid is giving any sort of signals on a particular person, please assure them that you are with them, you will take serious action against the person and take action as well. If you faced sexual abuse as a child or any kind of abuse, my friend, we are all with you. It is not your fault. We are here for you with our open arms to console you and share your pain.

Let us all unite to preserve the innocence of a child and strive hard and make sure a child carries no trauma.

Links For Reference:

W.H.O. on Child maltreatment:

A tale of two stories

By – Mourya Koundinya

It was early morning on a spring day. A teenager named “Kamal” woke up and peeped through the window. The light from the sun, travelling at 299,792 km per second, hits his face. He feels the warmth of it as he looks into the rising sun and looking into the past. Birds chipping and the cold breeze blows by his ear. He smiles and closes the curtains, goes to wash his face.

As he is about to leave his room, he sees two tiny, thumb-sized creatures talking to each other. He startles for a second and tries to touch them. His finger passes through them. He panics and tries to observe. He observes that they are talking about something very serious. He starts listening to them. There are two voices male and female. Here is how their conversation goes.

Male: Hello! How are you? Nice meeting you after a long time! I have heard that you have moved to a different place? How are things going for you?

Female: Hi! I’m fine,
Hoping you are on cloud nine.
Yes, I moved to a different place,
So that I can find some peace.
Things are good on my side,
Tell me about your side.

Male: That is glad to hear! I just got a promotion. I was waiting for that for a long time! I’m finally happy! What are you doing?

Female: I’m happy for your movement,
I hope you are proud of your achievement.
I narrate to pay my bills, honey,
I’m happy to write, which gives me money.

Male: Writing? I mean okay, but does it pay you enough? You used to study well. What suddenly happened to you? If you need a job, I can do arrange an interview right now. Are you interested?

Female: If money made the world live in smiles,
The world would be a much better place by miles.
I do something that makes me involved,
If I do anything for money, I will be self-ignored.
Human life is short and unpredictable,
Let me work on the thing that makes me perceivable.

Male: Okay, whatever! As long as you are happy. But why are you talking poetically lol? You know you are not in the office, right? Just chill.

Female: I tried to explain this to many in a usual talk,
People would just ignore me and walk.
I started telling them in the form of this art.
Hoping people will think about this part.

There is suddenly a bang on Kamal’s door. It was his dad with the lab reports of Kamal. Kamal had a psychiatric analysis the other day. Kamal’s dad is extraordinarily furious and is banging the door very hard. Kamal opened the door, and here goes their conversation.

Dad: “What do you think of yourself? What are you doing inside? Doing one of your dumb things? How did you cheat the doctor? Your report says acute case of “Schizophrenia”. Are you trying to fool me?”

Kamal: But dad, I didn’t do anything. I just answered doctors questions and did a few activities as he suggested.

Dad: Do you think I will listen to your bullshit? Are you trying to cover up your fewer marks and failure with this report? There is nothing as such. I saw you smiling and laughing. You are not a “pagal” (mad). Stop acting

After this, his dad starts hitting Kamal. Kamal starts crying and gets very emotional. At the peak of emotion, he pushes his dad and remembers the conversation above, and Kamal says the following.

Kamal: Dad I’m really in depression,
I couldn’t tell anyone because I’m out of expression.
I’m not trying to cover up my marks sheet,
I’m just trying to come out of this shit.
Please try to understand me in real,
Please do not be surreal.

After this, Kamal’s dad walks away from the room and starts thinking, comes back, hugs his son and says sorry.

33% of mental illness caused in children are due to parental pressure. Please don’t pressurise your or any child in any way. And for the children or anyone who wants to come out of the closet reading this, once one of the most excellent philosophers of the world said: “If the deaf are to hear, the sound has to be very loud”. I’m not saying your parents or elders or deaf; I’m saying they are unable to hear you. Please be as loud as you can so that they can listen to and understand you. Yes, it will be tough at the beginning, but the end result will be beneficial.