Will she ever miss me? – Final part

Its 4 am, it has been three days we broke up. I am unable to sleep.

My minds play the moments I spent with her in repeat mode. Neither I can talk to her, nor I can move on from her. I have spent all these three days in my bedroom neither my parents know it nor my friend. Eyes are tired of crying. The mind is filled with numbness. Somehow I passed one month with this sorrow in my heart. Let me tell you guys. In these 30 days, I carried tons of weight of the heart. I was tired of thinking and crying for her.

The worst part is, Aafreen called me to meet in college. I went to meet her. She was sitting on the bench in the Garden. When I was seeing her from far, I don’t know why I felt; It’s going to be worse. I was preparing myself. Then I said, “Let’s face it”. I went near her, didn’t say hai to her. Just sat on the other end of the bench, by crossing my legs.

(conversation started)

Aafreen- Hai. How are you, Suraj?

Suraj– You didn’t come here to know how am I right?

Aafreen– Why are you rude to me?

Suraj– Am I? Aafreen I don’t have the energy to argue with you. Please tell me why you have asked me to meet. Otherwise, I will leave.

Aafreen – Suraj, I am sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I shouldn’t have interfered in your life.

Suraj– You shouldn’t be sorry for coming into life. You should be sorry for abrupt ends.

Do you know? How I am being these days. YOU block me whenever you want, and you talk to me whenever you like. Is this how it is. I shamelessly accept all this for my love towards you.

Aafreen– Suraj, I accept everything that it’s my mistake. But I didn’t know anything to do.

But Suraj, I come from a different world, Where I cant love. Somehow my heart didn’t listen to me. whatever it’s my mistake, As your JON SNOW(Game of thrones lead actor) said, “One shouldnt promise which he cant behold.”( smiling)

My intent was never to break your heart, I always wanted to be in your heart. But it happened.

Suraj– I am sorry for being rude. There was a lot of pain inside me that came out as anguish. By the way, You never promised until I insisted, maybe somehow I was also a partner of this reason of pain.

Aafreen– Suraj, I called you for a reason. I am leaving the city. Maybe you can never see me. But this a goodbye Suraj. All I wanted to say, I am sorry, and Whether you believe it or not, I loved you. I miss you a lot. Please be happy. Do whatever you want to do in your life.

When I was about to convince “Aafreen, listen to me.”

She said, “Please suraj, let it be. This is it.” She went away.

At the moment, guys, I was feeling dead inside. For 4 months, I lived with a burdened heart. Slept with old pain and woke up with new pain. It was so hard for me to smile even. I cried for no reason some times. 

It got worst when I met with an accident. My hand was fractured, and I got a severe knee injury. When I met with an accident, Zameer was the one who received the call of my accident. He carried me to the hospital, took care of me for 2 days continuously. He was there with my family and me. When my M.tech classmates told to Zameer that I have been going through all this. He was furious towards it. 

One morning, When I was crying on my hospital bed, and he saw it. 

Zameer– What happened? Is it paining?

Suraj– I am unable to forget her Zameer. Will she ever miss me? Like I miss her.

Zameer- Why do you want to forget her. You just need to accept that it was only a beautiful memory. You had your first love dude, you loved her with utmost sincerity. She loved you back. But some are not destined. 

Everything in this world had some expiry period. I know its hard to move on, But the hardest thing is not accepting the reality. Start your new journey.

Suraj-Sorry man, I didn’t know how to share with you.

Zameer– Don’t worry, I will always find about you. By the way, we are going home.

Suraj– Thanks dude

Zameer– Abey chup na..

In the process of time, I started to come out of it. It was hard, but I never gave up. I said to myself, “It’s Ok”. It’s not that I forgot entirely, but I moved on. Whenever I think of Aafreen, a smile comes, for me, Aafreen is my smile.

Moving on is the greatest gift for human beings. Always remember life is a lengthy equation with different functions, including love, but all you need to know is how to make L.H.S = R.H.S.

Will she ever miss me-Part 5

Suraj- Yes I am Suraj, who is this

Aafreen– Hai Suraj, It’s Aafreen this side.

Suraj- Who ?(voice stumbling)

Aafreen- Suraj, I am Aafreen, CSE, your collegemate. 

I did not believe it, and I don’t know why. How can this miracle happen? I was entirely in a trance for a few moments, and she was shouting my name on that side.

Suraj- Yeah, are you the burkha and Bharatanatyam combo girl? 

Aafreen- If that’s how you remember me, yes, I am.

Suraj-  Hey, how are you? How did you get my number?

Aafreen- It’s not that tough.

Suraj- Yep, that’s true.

Aafreen- I was about to call you in the morning, but I couldn’t.

Suraj- Why?

Aafreen- There were people in the canteen. You seemed to be very serious.

Suraj- Are you the one who sat in front of me in the canteen.

Aafreen- Yes. You got it. I came to meet my friend, coincidentally, you were sitting in front of me.

(Inner me(screaming)- Yes, I know that it was her.)

( Inner me(relaxing)- Thank God!! Not again”)

We talked for many hours, all casual stuff. I didn’t brag about past because it’s of no use.

She messaged me in WhatsApp- “This is my number.”

We, boys, are very foolish in terms of romance. We just talked for a few minutes, and I started for hoping to rejuvenate my love towards her.

Hope is a funny thing, and once it comes, your actions are reactions to it.

But this time, I also had one more thing with me; it’s “Practicality.” 

I was very conscious of her, and I know how it hurts when it ends. Gradually, somehow small chats turned to be lengthy discussions. Acquaintance turned to be close friends. Five-minute calls turned to be one-hour calls. I somehow used to sleep by talking to her. I don’t know how it happened. somehow when I realized, I was f****d.

( practicality was like- you as******le)

Let me tell you, one thing guys, you can live in deception until you know you are deceived. One day, Aafreen came to college to meet me casually. My inner me was continuously urging me to speak to her. When she was about to leave.

Suraj- Aafreen, one minute.

Aafreen- What?

Suraj- I love you.

Aafreen- What? (surprisingly)

Suraj- You heard it right, I love you.

I still remember how she saw me with anger, she went away with her bike without uttering any word as a usual abrupt ending.

At 11 P.M, I got a call from her. The conversation goes like this

Aafreen– Are you mad or what?

Suraj – What! Are you ok?

Aafreen– What am I ok? really. Why do you need to get this thing always between us?

Suraj– What always, this is 2nd time I told you that I love you. What’s wrong in it?

Aafreen– Everything. Why can’t we be friends? Why do you think that narrow?

Suraj- It’s really hurting. What do you think? I wanted to waste my mental energy thinking of you. NO! It happens. I clearly can’t control myself, but here I am not forcing you. It’s ok if you don’t feel the same. But I wanted to be truthful.

Aafreen- What’s the use of this truth? It will separate us. We can never talk to each other.

Suraj- Yeah, maybe. But I can’t deceive.

Aafreen– Suraj. Try to understand. This won’t happen.

Suraj- Maybe. But what should I do? You are my only true love. I can’t deny it to myself.

Aafreen- Do you think I can deny it to myself.

Suraj- What did you just say?

Aafreen- Nothing.

Suraj- You love me, right?

Aafreen- Of course, yes. I love you. What do you think? 

Why did I call you? Myself. 

Why did I come to university? 

Why did I spend hours talking to you.?

Why do I always spend hours asking about your lunch?

Do you think I just did by being just friend to you? No Idiot, I fell in love with you, when you sang for me on our farewell, I always thought of you all these days. Searched in facebook but you deactivated your account. Somehow found out you were there in this university. So came here but I couldn’t find the strength to talk to you directly. That’s why I called you.

Suraj- I really love you too Aafreen.

Aafreen- I can’t do this Suraj, the reason is apparent. We can’t be together. My parents love me a lot, and they let me live as I wanted. It may sound straightforward for other people. But for me, it’s tough to oppose them and marry you—clearly, it’s impossible. We can’t continue to be in this. 

Suraj- What ! are you mad? We can convince. 

Aafreen- I know my parents from the past 23 years. I know where they can be convinced where they cant be. I think this is it.

Suraj- Really what! You are leaving again.

Aafreen- Yes, I have to. I know I am hurting. But there is no chance for me and you. Hope you understand. 

Once again “I love you Suraj.”

Phone call cuts…

{ 6th part is final}

Will she ever miss me-Part-4

She blocked me both virtually and in her real world.
Its been two months. It’s not that I don’t miss Aafreen. Still, I gradually learnt that Life is a lengthy equation with different functions in it, including love. I felt forcing or convincing is not suitable for any relation. I just left to time that if we were meant to be, We would cross our paths.

Somehow gradually, I got too got busy in my academics. But whenever I used to see Aafreen, I always felt we could have been a good couple. It was final year, Hardly one month was left in college time. But, whenever I had a chance to see her, I didn’t miss it. It was relieving pain to see her.

In the middle of the night, I just figured, after 2 days it’s farewell. I realised that at the end of my fairytale. I grabbed pen and notepad started writing about my feelings. I still remember I signed in such a way that her name was highlighted through my name. I planned it to give it on the farewell day because she will be available in the waiting room.

It was our farewell day, I was hosting it. There was a list in my hand again. I was going through the list of participants, the name was not on the list. I was searching for her in the crowd. She was just sitting at the right edge in front rows. She was shining like the moon in constellations of stars.

I never had a conversation with her, if this day passes I might never.
I just wanted to sing for her. I took a list I added a name in cultural event list in singing events.
I took mic addressed crowd “This farewell is end to many moments we had with our friends. Don’t know we can live it again in our lives. But if this is it then why not bid farewell it with a smile.”
When the crowd was singing with me for Rahman’s music. It was magical.

I took the same bus, which she accepted. I asked a girl on the bus, to forward this letter to her. We got down at the same spot but when we started moving our directions were opposite.

I had a smile on a face, but inside I was bleeding. When I was on the bed, I had tears on my eyes. The numbness I felt, I can’t forget it. Time passed, I started to accept the things that how they are. After a few days, I got a seat in M.Tech in University.
New Phase began. Hostel life, seriousness in studies and I became more mature.

In my masters, we used to be very serious regarding exams. We slept in the afternoon and studied in the nights. Though our canteen was not that good, samosa and Green tea are fantastic.

My friends and I were having snacks in the canteen, there was a girl in burkha seeing me, I saw her I just felt Deja vu. I told myself, “Not again dude.”

At night 9 PM, when I came back from the mess, there were four missed calls on my mobile.
I called back and said ” Hello” there was a girl’s voice from the other side “Hai, is this Suraj?”
I answered back “Yes I am Suraj, who is this?”
she said, “Hai suraj, It’s Aafreen this side.”

Will she ever miss me-Part-3

by- K Dada Hayath

Click here for the first part!

Click here for the second part!

I messaged “I am in love with you, Aafreen, maybe love at first conscious sight.”

When I just messaged this. Even though I felt lite when I messaged, but my mind got struck. I felt someone had pressed pause button in my life.

I was waiting for her reply. But I don’t know she went offline after seeing it. I kept seeing my Facebook account for every minute, but she didn’t reply.

Days passed, waiting for her reply. Even in college, whenever I see her, she used to turn her face off. I felt ridiculous. One day even I tried to talk to her in the canteen by saying “hai” she just went away by ignoring me. That was it. I felt enough of it. I just felt its unhealthy for my self-respect. I just started ignoring my feelings towards her.

Days passed, I started to focus on my college. My article on ” Breaking stereotypes on men” got published in the college newsletter. It got good applaud and appreciation.

When I was about to sleep, my mobile started blinking. I checked it.

It was like Shaik Aafreen messaged.

The feelings which were suppressed in my heart started coming out. My heart started beating in rhythm, and I was blushing before opening the message.

She messaged “Wrote well, Keep it up.”

I replied, “Thank You.”

She messaged “How are you?” I replied, “I am good.” I didn’t want to start a formal conversation with her. I didn’t ask “How about you?”

There was a big pause in our chat. But I told myself to not sound desperate. After a few minutes, Aafreen messaged “What else how else life is going?”

I angrily replied, “Really?”

“What’s wrong with you. See if you don’t want to acknowledge my feelings towards you. That’s OK. But I can’t behave as if nothing happened. But I think, You should have at least said something right.”

She replied “I am sorry, i didnt mean to hurt you. It was very shocking to me. We never known each other that well, how can someone directly propose. Its very amature.”

I replied back “Yeah maybe, but you could have replied. Do you know, I waited for many days then i thought “It’s just a waste of time. So, I moved on.”

She Replied, “Hmmm, good for you.”

I replied, “Arey what’s the issue? I can un derstand you need time. you take it.”

She replied “please Suraj, don’t get in to this in our conversation. I don’t believe in this all.”

I replied “OK.”

I felt it was the start of my love story. We used to chat every day.

Though my love story was typical to all, For me it was cuter than Romeo and Juliet. It was time where I used to recite the lyrics of every romantic song by thinking of her.

But you need to understand there is a difference between trance and reality, luckily you will have someone who slaps you in a trance makes you realise that it’s not real. That was my friend, Zameer.

He said, “Don’t you think you are real to her”. I said “Ofcourse, Maamu” by smiling foolishly.

He said, “Dont lie to me, I can easily tell by the way of your smile.”

I said, ” What to do maamu, What can I say . She doesn’t like to have a conversation on it itself” He suggested, “Then You stop talking or you stop lying to yourself”. What if she blocks me again.

He said “Then she is not meant for you. But in fear of it, I dont want you to live in lie.”

he added “Just tell her what she meant for you. If she accepts that means you are lucky. If not she is lucky” started silently smiling.

I didn’t notice the humour in it, then I got it ” Abey.. #@$@^$@.”

Next day, I messaged Aafreen, “Can we meet, I need to talk to you?”

she replied “Suraj, I don’t like to meet. Please message me whatever it is.”

I messaged a long paragraph, but let me shorten it for you

“I can’t be a friend to you. I love you so much. If it’s not OK for you. I think we need to stop talking to each other. But I know we can be awesome together.”

 She replied “Sorry Suraj, I cant accept this, let’s stop talking to each other. That will be better for both”

Then she used that biggest weapon ” BLOCK.”

The Mantra Of A SUCCESSFUL Person

Hi guys, Myself Aravind from a small village you might not have heard. It doesn’t matter, because look, I’m speaking to you in a pure grammatical manner. I couldn’t even express my mother tongue without an accent, but now I perfected English. I learnt this through practice and trying to speak in English even when my mother and native people called me a show-off. Really! Speaking in English is not show-off, I mean it is, but positively. It is showing off what you can and what they can’t. They are just jealous of you speaking in English. Today’s lesson is to make your accent, people might call it faking your accent, but you are just making it.

*Video Stops*

Aravind is looking at the computer screen curiously, scratching his head. He just added a few glitters on the video and made himself a bit brighter. “I will look fair this way” he murmured and played the video.

*Video Plays*

Usually, we Indians pronounce the R but let’s forget R exists and Read the word ‘read’ as ‘weed’. Of course, people will find out us faking it in the beginning, but after practice, you might master the pretend, and it will no longer be an act.

*Video continues*

Aravind spent all night editing the video. He was wearing a tank top vest, and a boxer and his chest hair was visible through the holes of his tank top. He lived in a place that looks like a ruin. The smell of wet walls and wind through the broken windows were what Aravind was already habituated. He ate instant noodles for dinner and slept on the floor with just a blanket underneath and another on him. And there wasn’t even a pillow.

It was a beautiful morning, and Aravind was creepily smiling looking into the mirror. “You are a spirit!” he yelled. “You are a spirit full of energy!” he sighed and “You are a spirit full of energy and nothing can bring you down!” he yelled again. He smiled again looking himself into the mirror. He was dressed casually, but his shoes were polished in a way that he wore a suit. He combed his hair carefully; he was not done. He applied wax to his eyebrows and oil to his moustache. He wiped his face with a wet tissue and dropped a deodorant in his bag. He got on the road and caught a public bus. He dropped off at a costume rental service. He came out wearing a suit and given his balding hair and a thick moustache; he looked like someone from the Sicilian Mafia. He then caught another bus. Everyone on the bus was looking at him funny as it was uncommon to wear suits in India. People who wear suits don’t travel in the public buses. It just felt weird to look at him. He got down at a car rental service and came out with a posh sedan vehicle. He looked like he fit in that car. He connected his Pen-drive to the player. “You are a spirit” his voice started playing, and he listened to his speech he recorded one morning looking into the mirror. He even set his rear mirror in a way that he can see himself.

He parked the car in front of a huge college campus, and he entered in with a heartful smile. The watchman greeted him, and a bunch of students and faculty welcomed him. He was escorted to the auditorium where a hundred students were seated. He smiled and looked at all of them. “Know your audience” he said to himself and took a glance at everyone. “They are not over 20, you can do this!” he thought.

“Good morning, Men and Women!” he yelled. “That’s how I want to greet you. You are not boys and girls anymore! Are you?” he asked, and the crowd cheered NO. “I’m not here to motivate you as they told you! I’m here to have fun and make you enjoy for an hour!” he yelled, and the kids were screaming with him. “Because lectures about success are not lectures but fun facts and hack towards life!” he gulped. “Imagine being succesful while they are many others who do not” he laughed. “I’m here to guide you and teach you the glitch I found in destiny and it allows you to be as succesful as I’m!” he continued.

“Today I will tell you the habits of a successful person! I will make you learn them!” He paused. He was combing his hair with hands. He slowly covered his body behind the wooden podium to take out the paper he had prepared as he forgot his lines. He did successfully manage to take the paper and put it on the podium. He smiled and yelled, “They are simple but powerful!” He looked down at the thing written beside the bullet “1)” on the paper, and read “Underwears” and he realised what he had yelled and looked at his paper once again, and to his shock, it’s the list of stuff he wrote earlier to buy while going home. But before everyone reacted to it, he was quickly on his feet and yelled “Successful people do not wear fancy underwears”. Everyone was puzzled, and he faked a burst of laughter. “You heard me right!” he scratched his nose “Successful people don’t care what they wear underneath, it is what they are outside that matters to them” he continued and breath a sigh. He was tensed and wiped his sweaty forehead with his wet tissue. “I metaphorically used the word underwear to grab all of your attention! My point is, you need not run for what is fancy. You should run for what is needed, and you know why?” he asked the crowd because he had no fucking clue about what he was speaking. He should manage the hour, and he gets paid. The audience was silent, but he did not panic. He started pointing out fingers and gesturing individual students to speak out. It didn’t work either. So he looked around and asked once again “Anyone?”, then he pointed out a boy who was writing notes of this speech. “You look like a smart person. You know why we should not run towards fancy, and unnecessary things don’t you?” he smiled. The student blushed and stood up; he felt like he was rewarded. To pass the time, Aravind gestured one of the volunteers to come near the stage. “Can anyone give him a mic?” he asked them. They set-up another mic and it took about 15 minutes while Aravind planned how to pass next few minutes. The student smiled and was blushing to speak out.

“Come on; it’s your time to shine. You have to speak out to be successful” he encouraged the student. “Succesful people are frugal” the student said. Aravind laughed and was searching for what’s frugal on google under the podium. “Good good sit down” he signed the boy. “One of the important leadership principles is frugality” he continued. “Life is a ladder, and you climb it carefully. You should not look at what’s down and not bother what is up. You just need to try to move up” he uttered. “Coming back to the habits… I will tell you what my practices are to speak more personally. I come from a village background, and now I speak in English. Everyone in my village was laughing and teasing me when I spoke in English, but now I’m giving a speech here while they are cleaning dung off buffaloes. I’m not telling you that they are doing worse, I’m just telling you that I’m doing better. And how am I doing better being born in the same place as the guy who wipes dung? It’s my habits and practices” he said as one student yelled “Yes, but what are those mysterious habits” and a peal of laughter continued that. Aravind knew right then that he was going to make a joke of himself if he did not act upon the situation too soon. He took a deep breath and looked at the kid seriously. “You are a spirit!” he murmured. “You are a spirit full of energy” he boosted himself and yelled “Patience!” so severe and loud. “Patience is the essential habit of a successful person that you evidently lack! Patience is a virtue of those who seek opportunities. Without patience, you will take hasty decisions and suck at them” he paused. The Principal gestured him to wrap the session soon. Aravind jumped and danced inside. But he felt the urge to leave a mark on the students. “Stand up!” he shouted seriously. “All of you” he put on a rather serious expression. “I came here to tell you about the habits of a successful person. But I have something better for you given the time-frame of our session. I have a mantra for you all to chant. A mantra that will lead you to success. Repeat it with me. Repeat it as higher as I shout. Repeat it every day you wake-up looking into the mirror. Repeat it every time you feel down, and every time you need to rise up” he screeched and closed his eyes. “Close your eyes and visualise yourself” he said. He took a long breath. “I’m a spirit!” he yelled, and the crowd roared too. “Louder” he screamed, and the audience yelled, “I’m a spirit!” loudly. Everything he shouted was repeated by the students.

“I’m a spirit full of energy!”
“I can do what I want to do.”
“I’m a hunter and a lion.”
“No-one can stop me, not even a tiger.”
“I’m POWER!”

The crowd got emotional and were roaring higher by each line, and when he said the last line, the entire group was feeling a rush. He asked them to repeat the last line three times with him.
The crowd was breaking their lungs out.

They got highly energetic, and Aravind got down the stage. He joined the Principal, who was waiting outside the auditorium. “It was energetic” Principal said. “I’ve never heard them yelling this energetically, you are good” Principal shook hands with Aravind. Principal asked him to wait in his room as he walked in the auditorium to know the feedback on Aravind. Students who just shouted their lungs out were automatically positive towards Aravind, and the guy who wrote notes through his speech was wiping tears off his face. “I feel powerful!” he exclaimed to the Principal.

The Principal smiled, Aravind’s pockets filled. Aravind returned the suit and car; he travelled back to his rotten home in a bus. He took his pants down and wore a formal shirt but boxers underneath. He turned his camera on. He set the frame to only cover him till his waist, and there was a green box behind where he sat that accurately fit in the frame and was an ideal background that allows to change backgrounds in the edit. He started recording about the mantras of success and spoken English. He edited the video all night while the student who made jokes on Aravind forgot about the speech and was carried away playing a video-game. The effect of yelling “I’m Power” has worn off by now. The Principal didn’t lose much money, and it was no-one’s loss except for Rajesh.

Rajesh was the guy who took notes of that con. He took it seriously. He was looking into the mirror, and he yelled “I’M POWER!”