Will she ever miss me? – Final part

Its 4 am, it has been three days we broke up. I am unable to sleep.

My minds play the moments I spent with her in repeat mode. Neither I can talk to her, nor I can move on from her. I have spent all these three days in my bedroom neither my parents know it nor my friend. Eyes are tired of crying. The mind is filled with numbness. Somehow I passed one month with this sorrow in my heart. Let me tell you guys. In these 30 days, I carried tons of weight of the heart. I was tired of thinking and crying for her.

The worst part is, Aafreen called me to meet in college. I went to meet her. She was sitting on the bench in the Garden. When I was seeing her from far, I don’t know why I felt; It’s going to be worse. I was preparing myself. Then I said, “Let’s face it”. I went near her, didn’t say hai to her. Just sat on the other end of the bench, by crossing my legs.

(conversation started)

Aafreen- Hai. How are you, Suraj?

Suraj– You didn’t come here to know how am I right?

Aafreen– Why are you rude to me?

Suraj– Am I? Aafreen I don’t have the energy to argue with you. Please tell me why you have asked me to meet. Otherwise, I will leave.

Aafreen – Suraj, I am sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I shouldn’t have interfered in your life.

Suraj– You shouldn’t be sorry for coming into life. You should be sorry for abrupt ends.

Do you know? How I am being these days. YOU block me whenever you want, and you talk to me whenever you like. Is this how it is. I shamelessly accept all this for my love towards you.

Aafreen– Suraj, I accept everything that it’s my mistake. But I didn’t know anything to do.

But Suraj, I come from a different world, Where I cant love. Somehow my heart didn’t listen to me. whatever it’s my mistake, As your JON SNOW(Game of thrones lead actor) said, “One shouldnt promise which he cant behold.”( smiling)

My intent was never to break your heart, I always wanted to be in your heart. But it happened.

Suraj– I am sorry for being rude. There was a lot of pain inside me that came out as anguish. By the way, You never promised until I insisted, maybe somehow I was also a partner of this reason of pain.

Aafreen– Suraj, I called you for a reason. I am leaving the city. Maybe you can never see me. But this a goodbye Suraj. All I wanted to say, I am sorry, and Whether you believe it or not, I loved you. I miss you a lot. Please be happy. Do whatever you want to do in your life.

When I was about to convince “Aafreen, listen to me.”

She said, “Please suraj, let it be. This is it.” She went away.

At the moment, guys, I was feeling dead inside. For 4 months, I lived with a burdened heart. Slept with old pain and woke up with new pain. It was so hard for me to smile even. I cried for no reason some times. 

It got worst when I met with an accident. My hand was fractured, and I got a severe knee injury. When I met with an accident, Zameer was the one who received the call of my accident. He carried me to the hospital, took care of me for 2 days continuously. He was there with my family and me. When my M.tech classmates told to Zameer that I have been going through all this. He was furious towards it. 

One morning, When I was crying on my hospital bed, and he saw it. 

Zameer– What happened? Is it paining?

Suraj– I am unable to forget her Zameer. Will she ever miss me? Like I miss her.

Zameer- Why do you want to forget her. You just need to accept that it was only a beautiful memory. You had your first love dude, you loved her with utmost sincerity. She loved you back. But some are not destined. 

Everything in this world had some expiry period. I know its hard to move on, But the hardest thing is not accepting the reality. Start your new journey.

Suraj-Sorry man, I didn’t know how to share with you.

Zameer– Don’t worry, I will always find about you. By the way, we are going home.

Suraj– Thanks dude

Zameer– Abey chup na..

In the process of time, I started to come out of it. It was hard, but I never gave up. I said to myself, “It’s Ok”. It’s not that I forgot entirely, but I moved on. Whenever I think of Aafreen, a smile comes, for me, Aafreen is my smile.

Moving on is the greatest gift for human beings. Always remember life is a lengthy equation with different functions, including love, but all you need to know is how to make L.H.S = R.H.S.

Will she ever miss me-Part 5

Suraj- Yes I am Suraj, who is this

Aafreen– Hai Suraj, It’s Aafreen this side.

Suraj- Who ?(voice stumbling)

Aafreen- Suraj, I am Aafreen, CSE, your collegemate. 

I did not believe it, and I don’t know why. How can this miracle happen? I was entirely in a trance for a few moments, and she was shouting my name on that side.

Suraj- Yeah, are you the burkha and Bharatanatyam combo girl? 

Aafreen- If that’s how you remember me, yes, I am.

Suraj-  Hey, how are you? How did you get my number?

Aafreen- It’s not that tough.

Suraj- Yep, that’s true.

Aafreen- I was about to call you in the morning, but I couldn’t.

Suraj- Why?

Aafreen- There were people in the canteen. You seemed to be very serious.

Suraj- Are you the one who sat in front of me in the canteen.

Aafreen- Yes. You got it. I came to meet my friend, coincidentally, you were sitting in front of me.

(Inner me(screaming)- Yes, I know that it was her.)

( Inner me(relaxing)- Thank God!! Not again”)

We talked for many hours, all casual stuff. I didn’t brag about past because it’s of no use.

She messaged me in WhatsApp- “This is my number.”

We, boys, are very foolish in terms of romance. We just talked for a few minutes, and I started for hoping to rejuvenate my love towards her.

Hope is a funny thing, and once it comes, your actions are reactions to it.

But this time, I also had one more thing with me; it’s “Practicality.” 

I was very conscious of her, and I know how it hurts when it ends. Gradually, somehow small chats turned to be lengthy discussions. Acquaintance turned to be close friends. Five-minute calls turned to be one-hour calls. I somehow used to sleep by talking to her. I don’t know how it happened. somehow when I realized, I was f****d.

( practicality was like- you as******le)

Let me tell you, one thing guys, you can live in deception until you know you are deceived. One day, Aafreen came to college to meet me casually. My inner me was continuously urging me to speak to her. When she was about to leave.

Suraj- Aafreen, one minute.

Aafreen- What?

Suraj- I love you.

Aafreen- What? (surprisingly)

Suraj- You heard it right, I love you.

I still remember how she saw me with anger, she went away with her bike without uttering any word as a usual abrupt ending.

At 11 P.M, I got a call from her. The conversation goes like this

Aafreen– Are you mad or what?

Suraj – What! Are you ok?

Aafreen– What am I ok? really. Why do you need to get this thing always between us?

Suraj– What always, this is 2nd time I told you that I love you. What’s wrong in it?

Aafreen– Everything. Why can’t we be friends? Why do you think that narrow?

Suraj- It’s really hurting. What do you think? I wanted to waste my mental energy thinking of you. NO! It happens. I clearly can’t control myself, but here I am not forcing you. It’s ok if you don’t feel the same. But I wanted to be truthful.

Aafreen- What’s the use of this truth? It will separate us. We can never talk to each other.

Suraj- Yeah, maybe. But I can’t deceive.

Aafreen– Suraj. Try to understand. This won’t happen.

Suraj- Maybe. But what should I do? You are my only true love. I can’t deny it to myself.

Aafreen- Do you think I can deny it to myself.

Suraj- What did you just say?

Aafreen- Nothing.

Suraj- You love me, right?

Aafreen- Of course, yes. I love you. What do you think? 

Why did I call you? Myself. 

Why did I come to university? 

Why did I spend hours talking to you.?

Why do I always spend hours asking about your lunch?

Do you think I just did by being just friend to you? No Idiot, I fell in love with you, when you sang for me on our farewell, I always thought of you all these days. Searched in facebook but you deactivated your account. Somehow found out you were there in this university. So came here but I couldn’t find the strength to talk to you directly. That’s why I called you.

Suraj- I really love you too Aafreen.

Aafreen- I can’t do this Suraj, the reason is apparent. We can’t be together. My parents love me a lot, and they let me live as I wanted. It may sound straightforward for other people. But for me, it’s tough to oppose them and marry you—clearly, it’s impossible. We can’t continue to be in this. 

Suraj- What ! are you mad? We can convince. 

Aafreen- I know my parents from the past 23 years. I know where they can be convinced where they cant be. I think this is it.

Suraj- Really what! You are leaving again.

Aafreen- Yes, I have to. I know I am hurting. But there is no chance for me and you. Hope you understand. 

Once again “I love you Suraj.”

Phone call cuts…

{ 6th part is final}

Will she ever miss me-Part-4

She blocked me both virtually and in her real world.
Its been two months. It’s not that I don’t miss Aafreen. Still, I gradually learnt that Life is a lengthy equation with different functions in it, including love. I felt forcing or convincing is not suitable for any relation. I just left to time that if we were meant to be, We would cross our paths.

Somehow gradually, I got too got busy in my academics. But whenever I used to see Aafreen, I always felt we could have been a good couple. It was final year, Hardly one month was left in college time. But, whenever I had a chance to see her, I didn’t miss it. It was relieving pain to see her.

In the middle of the night, I just figured, after 2 days it’s farewell. I realised that at the end of my fairytale. I grabbed pen and notepad started writing about my feelings. I still remember I signed in such a way that her name was highlighted through my name. I planned it to give it on the farewell day because she will be available in the waiting room.

It was our farewell day, I was hosting it. There was a list in my hand again. I was going through the list of participants, the name was not on the list. I was searching for her in the crowd. She was just sitting at the right edge in front rows. She was shining like the moon in constellations of stars.

I never had a conversation with her, if this day passes I might never.
I just wanted to sing for her. I took a list I added a name in cultural event list in singing events.
I took mic addressed crowd “This farewell is end to many moments we had with our friends. Don’t know we can live it again in our lives. But if this is it then why not bid farewell it with a smile.”
When the crowd was singing with me for Rahman’s music. It was magical.

I took the same bus, which she accepted. I asked a girl on the bus, to forward this letter to her. We got down at the same spot but when we started moving our directions were opposite.

I had a smile on a face, but inside I was bleeding. When I was on the bed, I had tears on my eyes. The numbness I felt, I can’t forget it. Time passed, I started to accept the things that how they are. After a few days, I got a seat in M.Tech in University.
New Phase began. Hostel life, seriousness in studies and I became more mature.

In my masters, we used to be very serious regarding exams. We slept in the afternoon and studied in the nights. Though our canteen was not that good, samosa and Green tea are fantastic.

My friends and I were having snacks in the canteen, there was a girl in burkha seeing me, I saw her I just felt Deja vu. I told myself, “Not again dude.”

At night 9 PM, when I came back from the mess, there were four missed calls on my mobile.
I called back and said ” Hello” there was a girl’s voice from the other side “Hai, is this Suraj?”
I answered back “Yes I am Suraj, who is this?”
she said, “Hai suraj, It’s Aafreen this side.”

Will she ever miss me-Part-3

by- K Dada Hayath

Click here for the first part!

Click here for the second part!

I messaged “I am in love with you, Aafreen, maybe love at first conscious sight.”

When I just messaged this. Even though I felt lite when I messaged, but my mind got struck. I felt someone had pressed pause button in my life.

I was waiting for her reply. But I don’t know she went offline after seeing it. I kept seeing my Facebook account for every minute, but she didn’t reply.

Days passed, waiting for her reply. Even in college, whenever I see her, she used to turn her face off. I felt ridiculous. One day even I tried to talk to her in the canteen by saying “hai” she just went away by ignoring me. That was it. I felt enough of it. I just felt its unhealthy for my self-respect. I just started ignoring my feelings towards her.

Days passed, I started to focus on my college. My article on ” Breaking stereotypes on men” got published in the college newsletter. It got good applaud and appreciation.

When I was about to sleep, my mobile started blinking. I checked it.

It was like Shaik Aafreen messaged.

The feelings which were suppressed in my heart started coming out. My heart started beating in rhythm, and I was blushing before opening the message.

She messaged “Wrote well, Keep it up.”

I replied, “Thank You.”

She messaged “How are you?” I replied, “I am good.” I didn’t want to start a formal conversation with her. I didn’t ask “How about you?”

There was a big pause in our chat. But I told myself to not sound desperate. After a few minutes, Aafreen messaged “What else how else life is going?”

I angrily replied, “Really?”

“What’s wrong with you. See if you don’t want to acknowledge my feelings towards you. That’s OK. But I can’t behave as if nothing happened. But I think, You should have at least said something right.”

She replied “I am sorry, i didnt mean to hurt you. It was very shocking to me. We never known each other that well, how can someone directly propose. Its very amature.”

I replied back “Yeah maybe, but you could have replied. Do you know, I waited for many days then i thought “It’s just a waste of time. So, I moved on.”

She Replied, “Hmmm, good for you.”

I replied, “Arey what’s the issue? I can un derstand you need time. you take it.”

She replied “please Suraj, don’t get in to this in our conversation. I don’t believe in this all.”

I replied “OK.”

I felt it was the start of my love story. We used to chat every day.

Though my love story was typical to all, For me it was cuter than Romeo and Juliet. It was time where I used to recite the lyrics of every romantic song by thinking of her.

But you need to understand there is a difference between trance and reality, luckily you will have someone who slaps you in a trance makes you realise that it’s not real. That was my friend, Zameer.

He said, “Don’t you think you are real to her”. I said “Ofcourse, Maamu” by smiling foolishly.

He said, “Dont lie to me, I can easily tell by the way of your smile.”

I said, ” What to do maamu, What can I say . She doesn’t like to have a conversation on it itself” He suggested, “Then You stop talking or you stop lying to yourself”. What if she blocks me again.

He said “Then she is not meant for you. But in fear of it, I dont want you to live in lie.”

he added “Just tell her what she meant for you. If she accepts that means you are lucky. If not she is lucky” started silently smiling.

I didn’t notice the humour in it, then I got it ” Abey.. #@$@^$@.”

Next day, I messaged Aafreen, “Can we meet, I need to talk to you?”

she replied “Suraj, I don’t like to meet. Please message me whatever it is.”

I messaged a long paragraph, but let me shorten it for you

“I can’t be a friend to you. I love you so much. If it’s not OK for you. I think we need to stop talking to each other. But I know we can be awesome together.”

 She replied “Sorry Suraj, I cant accept this, let’s stop talking to each other. That will be better for both”

Then she used that biggest weapon ” BLOCK.”

Will she ever miss me? – Part 2

I just shouted from the window” AAfreen.”
once after shouting, I moved past the window, mingled in the group of other students. There came a girl with burkha started searching for me here and there, but I was hiding, blushing.

There she was, Her face was shining like a diamond amid coal,
Her eyes were blinking like a star. I was just living that moment, in every bit of it she was there.

It was the generation of Facebook, I just searched ‘AAFREEN” in the search bar and sent the request. I remember that day, I was literally opening facebook for every 15 min throughout the day. I can’t express the anxiety which I had on that day in words.

A day passed, in the wait of friend request acceptance. I just thought” if this is my state of nerve for facebook request, what happens to me if I propose her?”I thought she won’t accept my friend request. I better sleep at least let’s not waste the night.

At 1.30 AM a notification blink on my phone and I woke up suddenly there was a notification .”Aafreen Shaik” accepted the friend request.
I was fully active, my every bit of sleep has vanished. I just saw whether she was online, but she was offline.
But don’t know I couldn’t message her in the night.
I was just happy, somehow my Facebook request has been accepted. I slept with that satisfaction.

When I found out who she was, it was accessible to find out which bus she came from and all that general information.
I remember, its Sunday, I felt she might be online, even though if she is not she will see my message and reply back to me.
At 9 AM, I messaged her, “Hai. This is Suraj, Civil Engineering, 4th year.”
The same circle of anxiety begins, every 15 min, I was stalking my own phone.

While I was eating my lunch I heard a notification sound, I ran to my phone leaving lunch to see who it is, but it was just a random notification.
My family saw me as if I am some mentally disturbed person.

At last at 7 PM I got a reply from Aafreen-“hai”.
My phone was under my radar 24 x 7, so there was no scope of missing any call or message.

I had a chat with her,
me- hai? How are you?
Aafreen- I am fine. How about you?
I replied-I am good. Do you know me?
Aafreen- yeah, of course, you were student coordinator to the annual day celebrations right.
Me- yeah, I never thought you could remember me from it.
Aafreen- no..no. I don’t remember you from it. I once met you regarding my cultural performance. My friends and I came to you regarding the time slots of our performance.remember?
[me to myself- really bro!!! How could I miss her man? damn. @#$#!#!#(censor)]
me-yeah.. got it.
(I literally don’t remember a single bit of it)
Aafreen- how come you have sent the request to me?
me- I just got it from the friend suggestions, I remember your performance I was at the backstage. So just sent the request casually.
(me to myself–you suck man…)
Aafreen- oh ok.
Me- Aafreen, forgot to congratulate you on your performance.
You were stellar.
Aafreen-Thank you.
Me-ok what else?
Aafreen- ok I gotta go. Bye

I just felt blockage when she left abruptly. I waited for her to come online.
She was offline for 3 days.
I used to check her Facebook every hour every day.

She once came online, I messaged her, and I couldn’t get a reply for it. I was totally disheartened due to that.

We chatted once in a while,
But she was replying for my 2 days ago message,
I was replying back to her within seconds. My ego was not at all, accepting this.
I decided to tell her my feelings about her.
So I just messaged her, ” Can I meet you directly in college? Need to talk.”
She replied back at night ” why?”
I just said,” I want to confess something to you.”
She asked,” confess, really?”
I said” Yes.”
She asked,” do we really have to meet?”
I said,” if possible, if not, I can confess it through Facebook.”
She replied,” it would be better for both.”
I said” ok.”

I messaged” I am in love with you, Aafreen, maybe love at first conscious sight.”

Will she ever miss me? – Part I

By- K DADA HAYATH

Its 4 am in the morning, it has been 3 days we broke up.

My eyes got tired of crying, but my heart doesn’t get tired of missing her. I used to get drowsy when I was talking to her, ironically, I can be awake for one more month, if she can speak now.

My brain is rewinding all the episodes of lovable moments we had.

It goes back to 2012, when I was the student coordinator of our college annual day celebrations, waiting in the student podium right back at the stage.

A jasmine smell holds my senses for seconds, there a girl with leafy green saree, purely ethnic, spreading the beautiful aura around her comes beside me.

I just felt that moment completely, she was completely over my brain. I forgot that I exist in the same world that she lives. I never had that strong opinion on love. Because I never felt that it exists in this world. But destiny never leaves a bit to prove one wrong.

Suddenly, When I was staring at her, she just patted me to move aside as her performance was next. There was only one thought that day, who is she? My mind was playing her image in my brain as a GIF.

I tried to find her at the stage after her performance is done, but I missed her. I even thought of searching her through the college bus but couldn’t find her. I told my best friend about her, and he just felt that I got a massive crush on her. 

But I slept with only one question in my mind, WHO IS SHE?

But the next day, my eyes started to search for her in the college… unfortunately we had a dress code in our college. I was watching every girl for her.. but I couldn’t find a glimpse of her. I was totally disappointed. The bell rang, and I went to attend my classes.

Still, my mind is busy thinking about her.

I formed a routine of searching at the college bust stop while going in and out of the college. Two weeks had passed, still no use.

When I was attending a lecture on fluid mechanics, where there was a problem with a lot of data, and you need to find a simple answer.

But suddenly when I was solving it, I found out that I need a simple answer which requires two characteristics, which were clearly given and I solved it.

However, while solving the problem, I got a clue to find her. May be searching for her bluntly without using brain is not fetching fruits.

I reminded myself,

Clue no-1- she came to perform at annual celebrations.

Clue no-2- time was around 7 to 7.30 pm

She will be in the list of cultural performers of the annual college day celebrations. Then I straightly went to the cultural event coordinator who was my friend, took the listing. I searched the list, there the name flashed “AAFREEN-3rd year ECE -Bharatanatyam performance.”

Suddenly my subconsciousness gave me one more thought, Aafreen indicates an Islamic name. I am from a Hindu family, this difference created a small disturbance in my heart. The moment of happiness of finding her name was vanished due to the twist in the tale.

I was with complete disappointment throughout the day, just don’t know what to do?

Then my friend Zameer came and asked:” Is it about the girl?”

I replied, “it’s not about the girl, it’s about me?”

he asked,” What is it?”

I replied,” maybe I can’t love her ?”

He asked,” why is it so?”

I replied,” because she is Muslim.”

He asked,” which is I am too?”

I replied” this is different. “

He said ” friendship and love are the two beautiful choices that god gave to us, which shouldn’t have any barriers. Have a courageous heart to pursue it” then he just patted on my shoulder.  

From that next moment, 

I ultimately know that I will love Aafreen to the best I can.

Those words from my friend did make sense to me. 

The next day, I was waiting for her at her department block, I can surely say my heart was beating so fast that I could have produced the electricity for our house for one year. Boys and girls were going into the classroom.

Suddenly, a group of girls who were wearing burkha were going to the classroom. I felt that she might be one of them. I just followed them. They went into the class. I waited at the window. I want to see her whether she is there are not,

I just shouted from the window,” AAfreen.”