expression – Penfluky

Worthless words and unheard chirps

“Say something chirpie, pleaseeee anything!” Anirudh said hopefully. He is a 6 year old little boy who is enthusiastic all the time for no reason. Once I was like that too but look what it has done to me. But that “something” hits me so hard. It’s been a while since someone asked me to say something I wish. I am silent as usual, after a while he is gone with a long face. I don’t know why he tries to make me talk this much. It’s so annoying. I drifted into sleep so I feel less horrible.

*Six months ago*

“Hey what are you doing red? I am waiting for you at home so we can go together to get some guavas, I can’t wait to taste the sweetness again,” said Pat drooling over his imagination. “I am bored of just eating. Why don’t we learn new words so we can express ourselves better?” I asked curiously.

‌”Why can’t you behave like a normal bird? I don’t know what you wanna express anything with new words. What we know is enough to express. Besides you have me. I will listen to whatever you say and I will understand and I know you will do the same for me. Isn’t it enough for you?” said Pat cheerfully.

“Ugh I know you would never understand. You say you understand me but all I see is you refusing to learn things. You are lazy and unenthusiastic. I wish I had friends who are like me and I will find them.” I flew away frustrated.

I could hear Pat trying to stop me. But I was too fast. I love my friend but he is just a normal bird who only talks about eating fruits and spending a jolly good time. I don’t like it. And I don’t agree with him about whatever words we know are enough. Words are very important to express and I will find someone like me. I got tired after reaching the city so I found a small empty spot for me to rest. After some time I felt a pat, I opened my eyes and saw a man. He offered me water and I said, “thank you.”

The man’s eyes became wide after I spoke. Guess it isn’t everyday they see a civilized and intelligent bird like me who knows a lot of words. “Wow you are talking, you will be very useful for me. As I gave you water, you owe me one lil birdy.” He then took me into his hands and put me in a cage. I was too shocked to fly away. It was too late but I thought that maybe it’s for my own good. I was tired of flying anyway. Humans know a lot of words they can teach me and I will find people who are intelligent and express things unlike my friend.

It had been a week since the man sold me to what they call a zoo. There were so many wild animals around me. It felt somewhat like home. People came to see me while I talked. They all were loving me for my intelligence. I picked on so many words and was able to say them too. It was time to go back to my stupid best friend Pat and prove him why I was right. It had been 4 months. I missed that idiot and his senseless blabbering.

It was evening when the owner came to give me snacks. I asked him to let me go as I was done with the work I came for. He chuckled and said, “you are one funny bird. Eat your snack and be a good boy.” Then he was gone. I felt the panic and uneasiness. They are going to keep me here against my will. I thought when I expressed myself with better words they would let me go but this guy wasn’t taking me seriously at all. I didn’t want to be in this cage. It was not at all delightful. I stayed just to learn, now I am bored.

I kept asking everyone to let me go in the hope that someone will understand me. But no one did. Some people got tired of me. And Some people got angry because I wasn’t saying what they wanted me to say. Some people got bored and even grew impatient. Even the people who said I am their favorite bird stopped coming because I only talked about what I want or how I felt and it was not entertaining. All I felt was regret. If no one cares or likes what I feel then there is no point in talking. So I stopped completely.

Another month passed and a little boy with his dad came to buy me. The owner said that I was useless because I didn’t talk anymore. They can buy some other bird which says a few words. But the little boy insisted on buying me. So then I got caged in a new cage. Nothing different. The boy asked me to say something daily but I didn’t. It became a boring routine now.

*Present day*

words of white bird perched on cage — Photo by Oli Sumit on Pexels.com

I wake up from my nap. There is a guava placed in front of me. Damn I miss Pat. I don’t remember since when his blabbering started to make sense to me. He said, “whatever you say with your words I will understand.” If only I wasn’t too arrogant. If only I appreciated his friendship. If only I knew you don’t need better words to express to someone who cares enough to listen. And if only I can see him again…..

“Did you eat your guava chirpie? I got for you specially from that scary uncle’s garden. I ran so fast he couldn’t catch me.” Anirudh laughs and says proudly. “How is it?” He asks me with his curious eyes. I replied, “sweet.” He grinned at me and said, “thought so! I will get you another one tomorrow,” and with that he leaves. For some reason, I feel like talking again. Maybe I will if he wants to listen to whatever I say.

Night Life, Expression Of Countless Tears.

When the time passes towards the night,
It is time to set everything straight.
It is time to log in and work,
Time to put on a fake smirk.

I have to speak to clients on the phone.
Treating their problems as my own.
It feels like the night is pulling me to oblivion,
Sometimes it all feels like an illusion.

I feel like a night owl that doesn’t know other sounds,
It feels like I’m lost in a gigantic abyss.
I can’t even cry about it as I need to speak,
My heart inside me always has that sad squeak.

I cannot keep these emotions no matter how much I try,
Sometimes in the night, I want to hug someone and cry.
Every night I work it makes me more depressed,
I have lost interest in things that make me excited.

Mentally, I’m dead and physically tired,
Trying to keep it together, emotionally I’m drained.

Loneliness: A Crave For Attention Or Expression?

During this tough time of the pandemic, there is a lot of focus on mental health issues. Loneliness is one of the leading mental health issues in the world.

People often think loneliness as deliberately being alone and craving attention. They are very wrong about this and most of the so-called “educated people” don’t even know or try to understand mental health issues.

To be brutally honest, most of the people think loneliness is being alone. The major and very important difference is being alone is a choice, in which the person choosing is comfortable being alone. Loneliness is not a choice, it is an infinite loop which sucks in almost everything from the person stuck in it

So I was once caught in an argument among so-called “intellectuals.” They were arguing that loneliness is bull-crap it is just a craving for attention. Some of the sane minds were saying it is a sign that the person suffering wants to express something but is unable to convey.

To get a deep perspective on this, I texted one of my dearest friends. If you are an avid reader, you know him as “John.” If you want to know more about John, read this article first and this next.

The Tyler Durden to My narrator ( The reference is from fight club movie, if you have not watched it, I highly recommend you do.) John has a weird habit of texting. When I send him a message, he sees it and replies after an hour or so.

So I texted him ” Is loneliness a craving for attention or to express something?”, he saw the message, and after an hour my phone chimed. It is John, and here is how our conversation went:

John: What made you ask this question? It is a very interesting one.

Me: I’m on a bus travelling to my home town, some of the people were discussing mental health issues, and this came up. So I decided to ask your take on it.

John: Okay, as you are asking my perspective, I’m going to say it, it is neither. But I’m more inclined towards expression,

Me: Interesting! Could you elaborate more on how you said neither?

John: Sure, before I begin, I want to put it on the table that, this is the study based on my observations. I can be completely wrong, but this is the conclusion I got my observations. Let us begin by questioning the preface, Why do people feel lonely?

Me: There are multiple factors, low self-esteem, not knowing about self, not fitting in, getting stuck in the past, mental health issues and many more.

John: Good, in the above list except for mental health issues, all the other are social skills, right?

Me: Not entirely, but yes their major role lies in social skills.

John: Okay, when you feel low, you feel to share it with someone. You will prefer if someone has called you, texted you or talked to you in person. By this, you feel a bit relieved, yes?

Me: Yes, if there is a right company it feels good.

John: Why do you share? Because you feel, that person is important in your life. You feel relieved by sharing and it also restores balance conundrum you are having with the issue. Sometimes you just need a person to listen, and most importantly you might get a new perspective on the issue, right?

Me: Yes, I agree with that.

John: Okay, now imagine a person putting some sad quotes as his status on any social media. Few people might ask, few people might not. If he keeps repeating this, no one cares and bother to text them, did you feel this anytime?

Me: Yes I did and I always wonder why does this happen. I mean people will have different issues to feel sad.

John: You have just answered the question. People think they get used to sadness, I never understand this concept. How on earth can someone get used to sadness? He is squeaking that he needs someone to talk. We all know that loneliness is the leading cause for depression, but no one gives a rats ass.

Me: I agree! So this is how people get lonely? Man people should start caring.

John: This is where you are wrong my friend. Why should someone care for you? Why should they listen to you when you want to talk? In the process of evolution, we are born alone. If we need company, then we would be born with that. Yes, it’s good to talk and share, but there is no compulsion that someone should listen.

Me: I mean you are right, but if we stopped this it is not correct. Listening is the only selfless thing you can do.

John: Sorry to burst your bubble, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Nothing in this world is selfless, not a damn thing. It can be any task you do, and it’s same for all human beings. If you really care for them, you wouldn’t call it an act. You will call it to care, and care is not an act my friend.

Me: You may be right, if they stopped listening, you wouldn’t care for them either, and the world turns into a big chaos.

John: You are wrong again, why would you stop caring if someone has stopped for you? You are the same guy and is not doing business in a relationship. You should be the same, no matter what.

For example, two days ago when you were busy, I have updated status on being sad, I have got 70 views on that, but I got zero texts on asking what is wrong. But if any of them feels sad, I will be there for them.

Not because I’m selfless or something like that, that is because it is the way I’m and I really care for them no matter what. And when things become heavy, I directly talk to a few people whom I believe care for me.

This perspective of John has opened new doors of thinking for me in life. In the end to conclude, Loneliness is never a crave for attention, is a cry from for listening years. The least thing lonely people would want is attention. If you have an opportunity to listen to them, do listen. That helps them a lot.

MIRROR: NOT A REAL REFLECTION.

In the world we live in there are many weird things that happen around us. We cannot know all of them, but we sure do see a few and feel bizarre. We all use a mirror to see our reflection. The mirror is like a common household item in every house. However, what would be your reaction if you see a mirror in an office work desk?

You would feel that person is self-obsessive and needs a mirror even while working. Or you may think they are protecting themselves from intruders and stuff who come from the back right? What if I tell you it was the idea of the company to install a mirror at the work desk? Seems a bit odd right? What if I tell you that they installed it on all the desks. It is weird, isn’t it?

No matter if an employee is working for a company, they have their personal life. They have the freedom of expressing their emotions. For instance, a person might be having a rough day at home or might be feeling low. It is okay for them to be in silence, not talk to anyone and still keep working. It is not like you should always smile and keep working right?

If you agree with me, then I got one of the bizarre incidents which personally shook me to the core. Recently corporate giants started installing mirrors at employee work desks so that if they are sad they can simply look into the mirror and “Smile.” First of all, I didn’t get it. I thought what is the need for that? But when they shamelessly said to keep a good face before client, I couldn’t even speak.

This mirror thing has now entered almost all parts of the world, and it is making me very sick thinking about it. This is mainly seen in the customer service department. The organisation specifically states that “Don’t worry if you are having rough customer guys, just end the call, look at the mirror and smile. Then take the next call.” I mean is it not enough that you suck their blood and sweat and give salary which is equal to peanuts? You have to turn them to robots and control their expressions?

We all work to pay the bills and bear the finances. Some of us may have passions, but I’m sure not customer care person would want to do that job. Who would want to get cusses and yelling’s for nine hours in a day? The corporates are not ready to stand up the employee and say to the customer not to be rude or behave professionally. But they want a human to control their sadness and smile.

This is the violation of basic human rights of an individual. Why hire humans and make them do this? Just automate all your processes and get your work done by robots. Sure, the customer has rights and all and they deserve the service they need. But it doesn’t matter if the employee is happy or sad. They can have a rough day and they have all the rights to express their feelings.

If you have faced this situation or going to face, my friend you are a hero and an inspiration. Just hang in there and you will have the best days coming!