happiness – Penfluky

The Exciting Part Of Love!

People ask what is the exciting part of love?
Is it a feeling that is beyond and above?
What makes it unique and special?
Does it make a person go irrational?

Love is one of the lovely gifts of human evolution,
You don’t need anything extra to join this institution.
Every moment feels like a gorgeous sunrise,
Every minute feels like an awesome surprise.

It makes you feel secure,
It always acts as a cure.
It makes you confident,
It makes you feel sufficient.

You won’t notice the changes in a day,
Every moment feels like Yay!
Every second seems very precious,
Every moment of yours becomes ambitious.

Every hour of your day is the exciting part,
It looks like you are feeling a beautiful piece of art.
You want to share everything with your loved one,
When you are not able to, the sadness is next to none.

Everything feels like it is in the right place,
Every second passing by feels like an embrace.
It is a beautiful feeling that ever exists,
You will know what a genuine smile is.

I always had big dreams on the same,
Love is always in my frame.
It was exciting till I had it,
Then I had an emotional submit.

Nothing hurts more than a love break,
It feels like a huge heartache.
Nothing around you makes sense,
Everything around you feels worse.

You will tend to sit idle and tend to do nothing,
Every second you won’t talk to them feels like a sting.
The feelings hurt and you start overthinking,
Your happiness and smile start shrinking.

The exciting part of love is to feel the essence of it,
It embraces you and makes you commit.
The journey might appear to be futile,
But the destination will always be fruitful.

Outburst Of Emotions and Uncontrollable Tears.

I would always hear people saying phrases like “outburst of emotions”, “unable to control emotions” so on and so forth. I thought this is silly and boy was I wrong!

It is the spring season in 1996, I was born to a couple in a small town. Both of my parents suffered from substance abuse. They would do anything to get drugs in their hand.

They sold almost everything in the house to get that high. We didn’t even have food to eat once a day. I used to lick the plates, my competitors would usually be roaches.

I got habituated to such life. My parents forced me to beg for food. I used to wander the streets begging for food. The food I got by begging is usually stolen by my parents.

Even then I had no outburst of emotions. It might be the environment I grew up in, but I didn’t feel something was wrong. I have always had this passion to study in life.

Years passed and I’m now 6 years old. My parents sold the house as they had many debts around the town. They cleared the debts and we moved to a rented home.

I thought they will finally give up on drugs and we would have a happy life. How stupid of me to think like that? Few days passed and my parents started taking drugs again.

After few days, we are out of money completely and my begging is not enough to support them. My parents did what any abuser would do. They sold me in human trafficking.

They told me that I need not beg, I can play with other kids and have a good time and I was glad to hear that. Some guys came and took me away from my parents.

I felt a bit bad no outburst of emotions, I knew I was gonna miss my parents. After ten to fifteen minutes, I stopped feeling sad. They took me to a huge house.

I entered the house and saw many of the people there around my age. There are girls, boys everyone just walking around the house. One individual came down the stairs and saw me.

This individual looked me in the eyes and sighed to take me in. They took me into a room and said this is where I will stay. They have also asked me not to lock the door from inside.

An hour passed by, and some guy came into the room. He is not walking in a straight line and is smelling very bad. He saw me, gave an evil smile and started walking towards me.

I was scared and starting walking back. This guy came rushing and caught me and thrown me into the bed. He fell on me and started tearing my clothes.

I started screaming and it looks like no ears can hear my cry. He has torn all my clothes and he started removing his clothes. I tried to run away, but he slapped me.

The slap was so hard that I fell on the ground unconscious. I woke up after some time and I see that the guy who did this to me is sleeping right next to me.

I have no clothes on my body and I’m bleeding below my waist. The pain is unbearable and I’m not feeling my legs. I’m trying very hard to move away from this monster.

At this point, I still don’t have an outburst of emotions, but tears were rolling out. At the age where a child cant even identify an emotion, I experienced the most realistic sadness.

This happened to me for the next 12 years. All of us in this building are raped or abused at least twice a day. After 12 years of abuse, we finally managed to escape that hell.

Government of the state ordered to search the house for any illegal activity. They searched and found this and arrested all of them. We are released and asked to live a good life.

In these twelve years, I have got some contacts. A man promised to give me a job if I managed to escape this hell. I went to meet him and he fulfilled his promise.

He gave me a job and I need to find a location to stay. I found a local listing that said roommate needed and I called the number and they have asked to come and visit the house.

I went to visit the house and the location is delightful and I knocked on the door and an individual opened the door. They greeted me very warmly and showed me the house.

I liked the house and decided to take it. I decided to move on the next Sunday and I informed the same. They agreed and took my details. The rent is also very affordable.

I moved into the house, the individual prepared lunch for me. I moved my items into the room and sat down for lunch. We had a conversation and here is how it went.

Me: Thanks for lunch, may I know your name?

Them: No problem at all, of course, you can, it is Alex.

Me: Nice name and the food is delicious.

Alex: Thank you! I even have cheesecake as a dessert, let me get it.

This feels different as I never experienced this kind of care from anyone and had different feelings running in my mind, not an outburst of emotions but it feels good to see this change in me.

I unboxed everything and organised my room. We had a lovely dinner at night and went to bed. Everything that happened with me just played in front of my eyes.

I couldn’t control my tears and wept very badly. After some time, I went to sleep. I woke up the next day, made some coffee, got ready and started to the office.

I came home for lunch and Alex has already made lunch. We sat down for lunch and started talking.

Alex: So how was your day?

Me: It is good, I like my new job.

Alex: Glad to hear that! Hey, can I ask you something?

Me: Sure, what’s up?

Alex: Did you cry last night?

I was in shock, on how could Alex know. I set my tone and in a low voice, I said.

Me: N….no.

Alex: But the sheets are wet and wet sheets don’t lie.

They came near me, took my hand and said.

Alex: Just tell me what happened, I’m here to listen.

I couldn’t control my tears or outburst of emotions. I hugged Alex and told them everything. That felt very good. If this is how an outburst of emotions feels, I would have done this long ago.

Compressed Room, Outburst Of Feelings.

I’m sitting in my small compressed room,
But my thoughts are going like boom.
Scrolling through texts on my phone,
Feeling like I’m in a place I don’t own.

I have a lot of emotions and want to share,
I really doubt that anyone would care.
I feel numb and start thinking of what is next,
After a while, my phone chimes and there is a text.

It’s from a dating app, and I got intrigued,
It is a girl I liked a few days ago and I’m excited.
I opened her and profile and it has no pics,
I gathered the courage to type my first words.

I want to talk to her but have no words,
There is music in my heart instead of beats.
I decided to talk to her by sending a text,
I had no courage and thinking of what to do next.

After some time, I sent her a “hello!” and was very nervous,
She read it, started typing and I got curious.
She sent me a “Hi” and that’s the best feeling ever,
Suddenly the compressed room isn’t gloomy anymore.

We are texting almost every day and it’s awesome,
It feels like my mood suddenly had a happy blossom!
Everything about her was perfect and beautiful,
Every slightest text or update of her was blissful.

She told me I’m the honest guy she ever met,
It felt like I’m looking at a beautiful sunset.
The compressed room now became a colourful one,
My happiness and joy for this are now second to none.

I started developing feelings for her and decided to confess,
I got the fear she might reject and my heart felt a little distress.
I finally gathered the courage to confess to her,
I hoped she would accept and we would be together.

She smiled at my message and replied “YES”,
I fell into a life of never-ending happiness.
I didn’t know how she looks and it doesn’t matter,
She came into my life and made it way better.

We are together and for me, it is a great success,
The compressed room became, a heaven of happiness.

Take me along, let’s fly away

Take me along with you,
You and I are right here;
Wishing all the luck to me,
Some solace and peace;

I wanna walk by your side,
I am tired of the solitude;
I wanna shed all my tears,
I am tired of my attitude;

Begin to tell me already,
How can you make me sleep;
For I haven't slept in years,
With all burden ingrained deep;

I wanna walk down the lane,
I am tired to be glued;
I wanna drop all the crap,
I am tired of putting myself to feud;

Let me just feel this time,
Can you make it cease;
Is this all just a memory,
You have painted it like a masterpiece!

Story Not For The Light-Hearted, The Reality.

” I did it! I finally did it! Everyone thought this is some fairy tale story! But I did it! I cannot believe I did this!

I’m going to call my friend and tell him this. He might not believe me, but this is crazy! I just can’t believe it!

Hey Harris! Mark here, I finally did it! I’m successful in creating the machine! My dream has come true! I’m very excited about this!”

“Congratulations Mark! Your struggle has finally paid off! I’m very happy for you! What are the next steps that you have to do to move forward?”

“Testing man, getting more people to volunteer for this. Conducting trials and collecting the data and if everything checks out, expecting a nobel lol.”

“That is awesome my man! I cannot say how happy I’m for you! World betterment is the next stop! I’m here for you if you need anything.”

“I know Harris! I know it! Thanks for always being there bud! I will meet and talk to you soon. Take care my man.”

“Yo Mark, I will see you soon. Let’s drink a beer together next time we meet! Once again congrats and all the best, talk later bud!”

Call ends

“It is always awesome to talk to my brother man! I think even I don’t believe in me that much than him. Should find volunteers and get going.

“I will give an advertisement tomorrow in media for volunteers and hope I get a few people or at least one. Should give an attractive advertisement.

“Here is the advertisement: Wanna know if people really trust you? And everything you say? If you are curious get in touch with me!

“Looks nice! I’m gonna post it and see what happens. Well its been a long day, I will sleep for some time and hope to see everything works.

Next Day

“That was a good sleep! Let’s see if I got any volunteers. I hope at least I got one. Let us see………… here we goo…..

“Well, this sucks! I got zero replies from the people. People rush you all the useless and imaginary things but for science and development.

“What can I do other than wait. I will continue with the day and hope someone replies to me. Man understanding people is tough!

In the evening

“Let’s see if I got any replies about the advertisement. I hope there is someone out there who trusts in science. Here we go……

“Wow! I got a reply! Yes to the sciences. Let’s see who is this wonderful human being. Ah! looks like a man, anyone’s fine. Let us see what he says.

“What the…..! His message says wanna invest in bitcoin and want to turn $500 investment into $5000? Message to find out more.

“These scammers! I wonder how many people fall into this. I sometimes feel bad for people who fall into these scams. Well, I will check tomorrow.

Next Day

“Let’s see….. yay I got a genuine reply! This guys name is Morris. He wants to participate in this and he is from this city, Niicee…

“I will message him and get in touch with him and I hope I don’t blow this up and I really hope he accepts to volunteer for my study.

” I just sent him a message and I hope he accepts and meets me. Everything starts with a single step and I hope this step is a success.

“Wow, he accepted my request for the study and gave me his contact number. This is an awesome start for this wonderful story so far.

“Hey, Morris! This is Mark, the one who asked you about the study. Thanks for accepting. Are you free tomorrow to meet?”

“Hey, Mark! No problem, I’m always in to promote science. Yes, I’m free tomorrow to meet you. Shall we meet for lunch?

“Sure Morris, I will text you the location to meet. We shall meet for lunch and I will explain the procedure. See you soon. Take care!

Call ends

“Well, the story just got very interesting. I’m beyond pumped! I can’t wait to meet this gentleman and start my experiment.

Next Day

“Hey Morris, thanks for meeting with me. So will keep it simple. I suppose you have read the description of the advertisement right?”

“Hi Mark, Yes I have read it. It is very interesting. I just want to see science has come to a stage to see if people believed what I say.”

“I’m beyond happy that a young man like you is interested in science and I’m pretty sure if I tell you the procedure you will more thrilled.”

“I’m excited and all ears Mark! Hit me with it.

“At first I have two pills. Both with different functionalities. One of the pills is I need you to take before telling the news to the person.

“This enables you to tell the truth. I want the news you tell to be honest and not to fake or play with peoples feelings.

“The second pill is for them. After they take the pill it takes 24 hours to activate. After that, you can tell them the news and it captures actual reaction.

“So you need to take the pill after the next day after they take it and just before you tell the news. I hope you are following my story.”

“Yes, Mark I followed that train of thought and I completely get it. Just one question, where are the results captured for this?”

” I have a Virtual Reality kind of headset that gives the data right to you so that there will be privacy. I just formulate it and give the details.”

“Interesting Mark very interesting. I’m in on this. I will give the pills today and call them by taking my pill right in front of you tomorrow. “

“Wonderful! Here are three pills to give to others and I have your pill. I can give you your pill when we meet tomorrow at my office. Take care man!”

Next Day

“Hey Morris, so you are here. Did you give your friends that pill? And most importantly did it pass 24 hours after they have taken it?”

“Hey Mark, Yes I did and yes it is past 24 hours. I have one question though. If they already knew about pill how would we get genuine reaction?”

“To answer this simple for you, it is science, Morris. Their lips might be lying, but with their moments and inner body functions we can be accurate up to 90%”

“Cool! One more question too, why this 24-hour clock though? Can’t we take the pill at the same time and get honest reactions?”

“Very good question Morris, the pill you give them captures the data on how they speak the truth and lies in these 24 hours. After that their reaction to your problem will be honest”

“Interesting! I can’t tell you how excited I’m Mark! I’m ready, lets do this!”

“You bet! Let us unfold the other part of the Story! Take the pill and call one of the people you gave the pill.”

“Sure, Hey Claire, so I had a very bad incident Yesterday. As you know I took the pill just now and I will only be speaking the truth. Yesterday there was a big fight with my parents and I’m feeling very bad.

“I have these fights regularly but this is kind of a big one and I’m feeling very bad about it. Just wanted to share with you.”

“Aww! I’m sorry to hear that Morris. I wish I was there to help you with this. Just don’t take too much in and keep focusing on things that matter. You will surely have very good days ahead.”

“Thanks for listening Claire! You are the best as always. Talk to you soon!”

“Any time Mark! Have a good day and remember to not to take too much in.”

“So Morris, she seems like a very good friend. I’m sending the results to your VR. Take a look and testify for yourself.”

“She is very awesome Mark. I’ve known her for a very short period, but she like one of my best friends. A mentor and a mountain like support.”

“Glad to hear that! Shall we call the second one Morris?”

“Sure Mark, here we go! Hey Tommy, what’s up my man! So listen I had this big fight with my parents regarding job and stuff and its very bad man!”

“Hey, Morris, my man! Bro, I have told you many times, quit those bloodsuckers and do something you love. I’m sure even your parents will appreciate this,

“Sure at first they might taunt you and stuff, but you willsuffer for the rest of your life if you don’t. Do you want me to talk to your parents on this?”

“No Tommy, it’s fine! If things go out of my hand I will surely ask you to talk to them. Thanks for listening bud! Hope to see you soon!”

“Even he seems like a good guy Morris!”

“Yes Mark, I know him for 10 years, We have been friends since my school. He is one of my best friends.”

“Good to hear that! I have sent the results of these as well.” Ready for the third?”

“Absolutely Mark! Here we go Hey Roger! What’s up brother? So listen I had this big fight with my parents and it was very bad brother!”

“Hey, Morris, I’m sorry to hear that brother. I just can’t imagine myself in your situation. You have a lot on your plate, I’m surprised to see that you are managing them without losing mental balance.

“These are testings times my man! Just stay strong and I’m pretty sure you will overcome these too.”

“Thanks for listening bud! Talk to you soon!”

“Morris looks like you got some awesome friends. I have sent the data of the third too.”

“Honestly Mark, I just came to see how science works on this. I need not see the results. I’m pretty sure they trust me and I trust them too. Thanks for the expereince.”

“You are welcome Morris, but I suggest you look at the data. So the experiment can be marked as successful and complete.”

“Sure Mark, I will definitely look. Here we go. Mark I think there is a mistake. It shows Roger didn’t believe it. I don’t believe this.”

“Calm down Morris, I have been formulating this for the past 7 years. I’m pretty sure it’s good.”

“I’m calling Roger Mark. I can’t stand this anymore. Hey Roger, be honest with me the result shows you didn’t trust me. The system might be broken, but the scientist here says it is efficient. Please be honest.”

“Uhmm well, I honestly think you want sympathy or some kind of attention. So I think you might have lied about things and your story.

It doesn’t make sense that a person can have all these sufferings. Now you be honest and tell the truth. Do you want sympathy?”

“What the fuck are you talking about bud? Why would I want sympathy?
Are you listening to yourself? What happened to you?”

“Stop lying and wasting my time man! I have other works to do. Leave me alone!”

Call ends

“Mark! What the hell is this? I know Roger since 6 years, this cannot be true, I mean I could have proved my story. This is not fair!”

“Okay Morris, I will tell you something very important. you gotta listen very carefully. You said you would prove your story. How many times will you do that?

“If you prove that you are emotional to someone to get their trust, you are becoming an emotional slave to yourself.

“How many times will you prove your story and the situation? What is more bizarre than proving to someone that you are crying?

“One of the famous Philosophers Albert Camus once said Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is, you are said in this situation and that is a fact.

“If someone doesn’t believe that, that doesn’t mean that you are not sad. That means they are not trusting you.

“How would someone believing or not believing you change your emotional state, Morris? It is not reality or logical right?”

“On the other hand, you have told your part of the emotion and the story. You are relieved that a person is listening to you. The other person believing or not believing is not your business, right?”

“You are absolutely right Mark! Thanks for listening, I will take leave and once again thanks for the experiment.”

End of story

In conclusion, I just want to say Human emotions are not concrete and we cannot express a single emotion at the same time.

It is always a combination of emotions. That is how our limbic system of the brain is built.

But some of us might be getting sucked into a single emotion at times. This can be due to the environment we live in, a situation we might not be able to handle etc.,

If we take this deeply in psychological terms, it is not a single expression it is a sadness that moves to grief, pain and disturbs the capabilities to think.

Why would someone wants sympathy when they are sad? If you don’t want to help or listen, no problem say that straight.

But if you are claiming that a person is sad always just because to get sympathy, that is the most disgusting thing ever and its inhumane.

According to many research articles, this is one of the leading causes of high-level depression. Not listening to one’s story and blaming them for being sad is bizarre.

Love Is In The Air, But I don’t want To Feel It.

It is the early 1900’s in Paris, the city of love. It was the spring season when the city of love has a natural romantic ambience. I was painting a beautiful canvas behind a lovely water fountain.

Every time the breeze flows by the water and touches my face, I feel alive. That day the breeze not only had the freshness but an awesome scent.

The scent that comes when all the angels beat their wings. That scent has love written all over it. I followed that scent to see what jewel is now added to the crown of the city.

I walk for some distance and there it is! And saw the most beautiful thing in the world! That was the day I saw the queen of angels walking in the city of love.

It was like the sunlight falling on a dew-kissed flower. That innocent smile, that curious eyes, with the walk of a swan in the river. The artist in me has become a poet of solace.

I have a habit of writing to express when I’m feeling low, this angel changed it for me. She got down the horse cart and the city of love was jealous of the celestial beauty of her.

The curious eyes of her were looking to find something. I couldn’t watch her stressing her eyes, I couldn’t take it. I gathered enough courage and started walking towards her.

Every step of mine towards her made my heart pound harder. That is the longest 20 steps I ever took. Finally, I got the courage to go near her, so that I can talk to her.

I went to her and she saw me and that’s it! Before I could speak, my eyes have already spoken a thousand words. I didn’t know I had a world-famous poet in me until I saw her.

I looked into her eyes and spoke my first words with her “Bonjour Madame! You don’t like you are from the neighbourhood. Where are you from?”

She turned towards me to answer. That turn is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! The way her hair waved in the air and the way she looked at me, wow! It looked like her hair is feeding love into the air of Paris!

She looked at me and started speaking, “Bonjour Monsieur! I’m new here. I’m renting a house in this neighbourhood. Are you from this area? How are the people around here?”

I cannot believe that an angel is talking to me! Her voice is the most soothing thing I have ever heard! It is like a beautiful singer singing and everlasting melody! I startled for a bit, came back to reality and started speaking.

“Yes, madame! I’m from here. This is the heart of love Paris! The people are lovely here. Right around that corner is where I live. May I help you with your belongings? They seem a bit heavy.”

She looks at me and smiles! Oh boy! It was a ray of beautiful sunshine on my face! She nods in agreement and I pick up the things and help her take them into the house.

After a few hours, all the things were moved to the house and she sighed me to sit on a chair. She went in and got some tea and gave it to me. I kept my sketching kit aside and started sipping it.

She saw the kit and asked, “What is that?” “This is my sketching kit madame, I draw potraits right around the water fountain.” “We have a water fountain nearby?!” She asked with joy.

That childlike innocence and those curious eyes that screamed joy! Man, she is the perfect women I have ever met. To continue the conversation I asked, ” Madame, if you don’t mind may I know your name?”

She smiled and said, “My name is Charlotte Monsieur, what is your name?” I smiled, that was the most genuine smile I had after a long time and said ” My name is Marlon Madame.”

I thanked her for the tea and left to home. That was the most beautiful day of my life. I couldn’t sleep the whole night thinking about the most exciting thing that happened to me.

The next day, I rushed to the fountain waiting for the angel to flap the wings on the fountain. After a few hours, my aha! moment came. The angel herself saw me and started walking towards me with a smile.

She came to me and asked “Salut Marlon, do you do your sketching here?” “Salut Charlotte, yes this is my place of sketching, do you want to see some samples of my work?” I asked.

“Of course, I would love to see them,” she said with innocent and excited eyes. I have shown her some samples and I enjoyed showing them more than her seeing them. It was remarkable.

She looked at me and took something from the pocket. She places it in front of me and says “Marlon, can you draw this?” It was a wooden cuckoo bird. I said “Yes” and start drawing it.

After an hour I show it to her, and the moment she saw it and said “Beaaaautiful!” That is the best compliment I have ever got! The way she said felt like the best thing that has ever happened to me.

She looked at my bag and there are a book and a pen, she took the book and asked me “Marlon, do you write as well?” I stumbled a bit and said ” Ye.. Yes, I write when I’m depressed or not feeling good Charlotte.”

She read a page, looked at me and left, I felt a bit broken and went home with sadness. It felt very bad seeing her leave. I thought I might not see her ever again and it was the worst!

The next morning I was at the fountain sketching and suddenly I see Charlotte coming towards me. It is an extraordinary feeling seeing her come towards me.

She came to me and gave me another object to draw and I did the same. She took the sketch gave me a look with a smile and left. This went on for a week and she took sketches daily.

One day she bought a wooden box to sketch, while I was drawing she started speaking to me ” So Marlon, you said when you are sad you write, I’m I right?”

“Ye..Yes, that is what I said Charlotte” I mumbled. She smiled and said, “well you are sketching for 7 days, have you ever felt sad within this period?” I was blown away by the way she thought for me.

“No I was just curious and a bit said that you were not talking,” I said. She smiled and said “That is what I wanted you to do, not to feel sad but be curious and forget being sad. I don’t like when you are sad.”

These were the best words I had ever heard! This continued for three months and she bought numerous amounts of objects to sketch. I asked many times that I want to sketch her, but she always said it was for a special moment.

After three months, she came to me and said “Marlon, today is a special day. Why don’t you come to my house in the evening and I will share the special moment with you?”

I felt like a kid who got the sweetest candy! I was waiting for the evening very badly. As the time drew itself to the evening, the excitement in a way broke the last boundaries and just went ga-ga!.

Finally, the time has come and I rushed to Charlotte’s house. I knocked on the door and she invited me in. The house was lit with all the beautiful candles and the ambience was fantastic.

She sighed me to sit down and she went in. From her kitchen, she said, “Marlon, close your eyes, I have a big surprise for you!” I closed my eyes and my excitement was like a kid waiting for his Christmas present.

After some time, she said, “Now open them!” I did and oh boy was I surprised! Some other man was sitting beside her on the couch opposite. I was rather puzzled thinking who is this.

She said, “Marlon, I would like you to meet Achille, who is my fiancee now.” I felt like my heart left my body when I heard the word fiancee. I mean what can I say.

She continued, “Marlon, I have another surprise as well. Remember I took your books to read? Achille is a publisher and I was able to print one of your books!

I didn’t have any life left after the fiancee word. After some time, I tried to gather myself and had a fake smile. I just looked around so that I don’t see into the eyes of Charlotte.

I was afraid my eyes could speak and give out feelings in the form of tears. When I looked around I saw a paper and the sketching kit. Charlotte looked at me and smiled.

She said, “Well this is a special moment, do you want to sketch us?” I held myself and after some time I said, ” sure, why not.” I set up the paper and started sketching them.

A teardrop fell from my cheek onto the paper. Only paper, pencil and my heart know that mark. I sketched it, put it in her hand and looked at her and said, “Thank you.”

I was about to leave, Charlotte caught my hand and stopped me and I was shocked to see what was happening. She looked straight into my eyes and said.

“Marlon, I have a piece of bad news to tell as well. I’m leaving the city for Rome. As you know, I’m an author, I keep travelling country to country. I’m so sorry, but I’m leaving.”

I was horrified to hear that. Not only she doesn’t love me back, but she is also leaving my sight forever. I gathered myself up and said, “Whee. when are you leaving?”

“In three days Marlon, but I must say I will miss you so much. I will make sure to write a postcard regularly. Please write back to me too. And if everything goes well, we will surely meet one day.”

That is the end of my happiness. The streets of Paris are not lovable anymore. It all feels gloomy and unorganised. Nothing makes sense anymore and I feel like I’m in oblivion.

As my book is published, I got more deals and kept writing. The more I write the more depressed I’m. I earned a lot of money. I became a very successful writer.

The more depressed I become the more I wrote. Now, who will get me objects to sketch? Who will divert me from my mood? Who will talk to me and care for me?

The love may be in the air of Paris, but I don’t want to feel it.

Closure In Life: A Self Guided Way To Move On.

In our day to day life, we might come across from many difficult situations. Some situations might be very tough to move on and find closure. Not only daily incidents, but even past trauma also affects us in finding closure.

By this, we will have a lot of physical and mental health issues. On the other hand, if we are not able to find closure, the trauma always haunts us, and that is never a good sign to find peace.

In this article, I will share a way to find closure and move on. Before we begin, I want to say this is my method which I’m following this method for the past two weeks and it helped a lot,

I designed this method in a few steps which are easy to follow. You can follow them and divert yourself slowly away from trauma. If you have any method, let us know by emailing us messaging us on social media.

1.Finding An Acoustic Spot: First of all, find a space where you can sit and be yourself. It can be in your house, in your room, your chair or anything. It can be any location where you can sit comfortably.

2.Collecting Moments: Once you are in your spot, start collecting moments. Write down the incidents that made you smile for the day. I suggest you do that at the end of the day so that you can write more things.

You need not literally write, you can type them on your computer, laptop, or you can install a notepad app and type them on your phone. Make sure to not forget even of the tiny things that made you smile.

3.Donot Maintain Duality: When you are in your zone, don’t maintain duality. Never think about the things that made you sad when you are in your spot and writing the things that made you smile. Just concentrate on collecting smiles.

4.Read It The Next Day: Once you have made the list of smiles read it when you are starting your next day. By this, you will start the day by smiling, which gives an excellent start to the day ahead.

Not only this, by smiling you release dopamine, endorphins and serotonin are all released into your bloodstream. By doing this, your body relaxes, and it also works to lower your heart rate and blood pressure. That is a perfect start!

4.Challenge Yourself: You can challenge yourself if you remember trauma or sad. For example, if you are at work and remember anything challenge yourself at doing work by keeping timers. By this, you will deviate from thinking about your sadness.

For example, if you generally prepare a ppt in 30 minutes, keep a timer and try designing it in 20 minutes. By this, even if you don’t meet the timer, you won’t lose anything, if you do, that’s good progress.

5.Solve Your Issues With People: If you are having any petty issues with people who are affecting your closure, solve them. Just apologise or accept the apology and accept them into your life. Talk to them and feel better.

It is one life we are going to live. What will you do with all the hate and guilt? How many days will you suffer or makes others suffer for some petty issues or misunderstandings? Clear them and keep moving.

6. Find More Time For Yourself: You can try new hobbies that you are interested to try for a long time. You can get a pet, watch a good movie you want to watch, cook food that you like most etc.,

By doing the above steps, you will find a natural deviation from the things you are feeling sad. If you fixate on finding deviation from anything, you will keep thinking about it always so try deviating as naturally as possible.

You will also realise that you found closure within you and don’t need that particular person or feeling to find it for you. You are perfect and happy the way you are. Now that is called finding closure my friends.

Friends Who Made Best Memories Became A Memory.

From childhood, I have a dream of having best friends,
A relationship very awesome, and that never ends.
we would meet and have much fun together,
We would always watch out for each other.

Finally, One day I got excellent friends,
That is the end of my sorrows.
We used to always talk something,
We had no secret and shared everything.

I was happy and having the best time,
It was like watching the beautiful sunshine.
We used to have different conversations,
We are getting to know each other spaces.

One day, my friends left me because of a misunderstanding,
By that sight, I see my worlds inside my disbanding.
I couldn’t take what was happening,
The world to me is shattering.

I tried all the ways of apologising,
The pain in me started agonising.
Worst part of losing best friends is that you can’t tell them about it,
The pain in my heart is unbearable and has a different kind of hit.

I tried to message my friends on social media,
I went to type a message, but I had no idea.
Days passed by, and they started to forget me,
Without me, they are delighted clearly.

We are now not friends, nor enemies,
Just strangers with some memories.
Some tears are silent because we are too scared to cry out loud,
I have shared everything with them; all I got is a sadness cloud.

To my best friend, I love you no matter what happens,
If you could understand and forgive me, that is my happiness.
You were with me; I used to love me more,
Now you are not there; I don’t think I will like me anymore.

If you are happy without me, I’m ready to suffer,
I will bear the sadness, no matter how tougher.

YOU: The Symbolic Life.

On a Thursday morning, I woke up to the sound of my alarm. Then I picked up the most loyal partner I ever had for two years, my phone and checked for notifications. I made my bed and went to the hall. I saw my mother doing her chores. As soon as she saw me, she raised eyes as she saw one of the most disgusting guys on the planet. I don’t think they have any exceptions on me.

It is the normal thing to me, as I told I’m getting too tired of the job I had and want to follow my passion. We had fought for almost every day for the past six months. Even my dad is on mom’s side, they always cuss me and force me to find another and higher corporate life. I get ready for my work and leave for the office.

Ahh, office, the birthplace of my slavery and fake respect. I go in, and all of my colleagues greet me, throw a fake smile at me and show some phony respect and I reflect the same and go to my cabin. I open my laptop and start working. Few hours pass by, and I take a break thinking about aspects of my life. One of my colleague and friend Teja walks in.

Teja: What’s up, man! Why so gloomy? What’s wrong?

Me: Nothing man, just thinking about life; it is becoming tough and challenging every day. I don’t think I will be able to take this anymore.

Teja: Chill, bro! You got 52 clients in the past three months that is like a world record! You are the best performer consistently. I sometimes feel jealous and want to live your life.

Me: Life is not about only professional life, my man! It is just a part of it. I hate this life. I want to perceive my passion. But I cannot, and it hurts a lot. You know how my parents treat me; it is not good. Sometimes I feel I should be the “man”. You know the macho types, the “alpha male.” Like fuck everything who cares and don’t feel anything.

But I’m not that either I’m the opposite of alpha, what is the last letter in Greek letters? Ah, fuck I don’t even know that. Sometimes I feel I should believe in a supernatural deity. So that I can find someone to blame all this shit and ask for answers. Fuck it! I don’t even believe in spirituality to find so-called “peace.” I’m concerned my man. I don’t know even know what the fuck is going on.

Teja: Calm down, bro! Do you trust and respect me?

Me: Of course I do! Why do you even ask that?

Teja: Nothing I know this person who claims to cure life problems, I will make an appointment this Saturday. Meet him, and he will surely help you.

Me: Those are conmen you stupid bitch! They just take the money and do nothing. You moppet headed fuck! Please don’t believe them and I hate them.

Teja: Calm down! He claims to use Science, you said you respect me, you should go there. Now shut the fuck up! It is getting late, let’s go to lunch.

Teja and I leave for lunch, and I keep thinking about this conment Teja told me. I went to many doctors; there is nothing wrong with me. They said not to take everything upon me, give things time and everything will be fine. But what will this guy tell me? Will he just loot me? The only way to find that is wait till Saturday and meet him directly.

Finally, the day had arrived to see what the guy tells me. And I wake up and get ready to meet him. Teja texts me the appointment details and his location. I take my car and drove toward him; the site is 12 kilometres away. I reach there, and the name of the place intrigued me. It said “Science Helping Center.” I thought this conman is using Science in the wrong name.

I went in and showed my message of appointment. They have asked me to wait in the waiting area till my name comes up. I went into a room that said “waiting room” and was awestruck! It had the best books and science journals possible. I was, is, and will always be a science nerd and I started reading a few and travelled through the cosmos. I felt so relieved after many days.

Few hours pass by, and I’m having the best time ever! My name comes up and its time to meet him. I go in, and I see a man wearing torn jeans and has a dark style look sitting on a chair with a huge table. He sees me, smiles and sighs me to sit. I sat there in silence, waiting for the conman to arrive. The man in front of me is reading something, and his eyes are rolling very seriously.

After a few minutes, he put the thing he is reading down, looks at me and starts speaking.

Him: Hey! My name is Munna, and I’m the one who cures people here, this is your file I have been reading. So you got house issues and issues with people and stuff. I get that, no problem, I will help you.

I was in shock, how can a conman dress like this and speak like this? After a few seconds, I gathered myself and started talking.

Me: Never thought a conman would dress like this to get more people in. You are using science name to lure people in and gain money. Now, what are you going to do? Indulge me into spirituality and say giggle? I know you all, you are the biggest liars on this planet.

Munna smiled and continued.

Munna: I don’t give a shit on your spirituality, neither I won’t give a rats ass on your beliefs. I’m doing the thing I know to help you. If you want to get help, do as I say, or else you can fuck off. It is as simple as that.

I startled for a moment and agreed to do whatever he is giving me.

Munna: Okay, here is a drink. Once you drink it, you will be knocked out for ten days. You won’t even know what is happening around you. You will wake up after ten days and then follow what I ask you to do.

I thought for a while and decided to drink it. It tasted peculiar; the worst thing I have ever tasted in my entire life. I drank it all in and within a few seconds, it felt drowsy, and I dozed off. Days passed by and finally I woke up and was feeling very hungry and weak. I searched for my phone and couldn’t find it around my bed. After a few minutes, a lady came to me and asked to freshen up and meet Munna.

I freshened up and went to meet Munna. He signalled me to sit and was a reading a paper again. After a few minutes, he looked at me and said.

Munna: So, you are done with stage one of the procedure. Now I want you to go back to your everyday life and observe how people are with you. Don’t call people till you meet them. I want you to note these things you find in them and meet me after two days. Don’t forget to collect your stuff while leaving.

It felt strange, but I accepted, I took my things and headed home. After precisely two days, I came back with my observations. This time I can directly meet Munna without any waiting because he wanted to see me as I came in. I walked straight to him. He signalled me to sit and talked to me.

Munna: So, what are your observations? How did people behave with you? What did you observe? Tell me everything you did and make sure not to miss minute essential details.

Me: Okay, as soon as I left this place, I reached home. My family was like we thought you ran away for your passion and tried to search you, later we thought you would be back eventually as you feel will hungry. Next day I went to the office, but the faces that usually greet me were laughing at me. They didn’t have a greeting or a fake smile.

After some time, my boss walked into my cabin and asked what do I think of this company? He doesn’t give a fuck if I’m a top performer or anything. I should answer the phone at least. He asked me to quit and gave a termination notice. My friends were like, where were you, man? We missed you a bit and asked not to live without saying. You made my life messier now you dick face!

Munna had a chuckle, and he noted down everything I said. After writing, he saw me in the eye and started speaking.

Munna: “Now, rewind your life a bit. The past ten days, even you didn’t live your life. They went into the oblivion, and you cannot get them back. Your parents thought you just ran away and didn’t even bother to inquire. They thought you would just feel hungry and come back. Your office where you were working for four years, who hails you as the best guy, hard worker etc., removed you like you were nothing.

All the emotions you felt came from other people reactions to you. The most important thing here is “expectation.” You expect your parents to be understanding, your boss to give you less work, people to stop hating you and be a friend so and so forth there are many.

I’m not saying don’t expect or expect, and I’m not the one to say it. You expected and that is fine. But when the people didn’t reflect your expectation, why are you feeling sad? Why don’t you respect your expectation on yourself? Why don’t you like yourself?

It is effortless to kick a person when he is low, and this so-called “society” tend to do it. In your case, your parents tend to do it because they know you cannot say anything back or stand up for yourself. And in the case of your office the same people who greeted you smiled at you didn’t give a rats ass when the boss is yelling at you.

If we go back a bit, before that ten days you missed. You never liked yourself. You always blamed yourself for all the abuses and cusses you got. Slowly that self-blame turned into self-hate. Now you think everyone around you hates you. Let me tell you a small thing, people are very busy in their life and can feel the emotions.

You might have small fights, misunderstandings, ignorance, etc., but eventually, they will realise the good you did to them and will be with you and stand for you. Unless and until you murdered their family or did some hideous crime, no one will really hate you. It is you who hates you and think that everyone does too.

If you start standing up for yourself and start liking yourself for the way you are, these things don’t bother you much. If you are depressed, wants to be alone and not share anything with anyone, how will anyone know you are suffering from issues. Remember, there will be rough days and sadness, but when you are having a good day, you need to smile and share the happiness the same way you are sharing sorrow.

If you stand up for yourself and be expressive with the people whom you like and share things, you will have much better days coming forward.”

After listening to this, tears just came rolling out of my eyes. This time these were happy tears. I hugged Munna and headed back home for a better version of myself.

The Pragmatic Suicide Note.

It is past 3:00 AM, and John is sitting on his chair and is thinking something very deeply. He takes the last sip of the energy drink and throws the can away. That is the day John decided to end things for him; he planned his suicide. As his family has different health issues, there were all kinds of drugs in his house. He picks a bunch of them puts in front of him and decides to end it.

Before that, he decides to write a suicide note explaining why he is ending it. He searches for a pen and paper and gets them. He thinks on what to write, and many thoughts are bouncing over his head. He gets confused and gets emotional. After some time, he gathers himself and decides to write. As it has been days since John wrote something using a pen, he fumbled a bit at the beginning and continues.

“Hey, so I decided to end things,
Day by day, life made no sense.
It has been a journey of 23 years,
I have nothing left but tears.”

There is a chill down his spine, and he falls back on the chair and wipes the tears. He sits there, holding his head for some time. He then gathers himself together, holds the pen again and continues.

“The past few days were like living in a pressure cooker,
Each and every moment of it made me sicker.
Every single day felt like a dog chewed bone,
By thinking it, I had my brain blown.”

A tear rolls down the cheek of John; he wipes it and pauses for a moment. He then gains a bit of confidence and continues.

“I know life is not a bed of roses,
There will be happiness and sadness.
My life has nothing but a colossal sorrow,
By thinking of it every moment I felt hollow.”

John couldn’t hold his emotion now; he stops for a moment and starts weeping. After some time, he holds the pen and continues.

“There were people who would listen to my sadness,
But I don’t want to tell them and disturb their peace.
Any sane mind will lose it if this is heard,
They would feel terrible, and tears would shred.”

John holds for a bit and thinks of his friends and the moments he shared with them when he was feeling low. After a long pause, he continues.

” I got many suggestions when I shared a few, yep,
But did I follow them and try making my situation better? Nope.
I always thought they want to stay and or go away from me,
But I never shared a few laughs or happiness and invited them to thee.”

By this, John gets a ray of hope. He takes the note and keeps it safely in his closet. He Puts the medicines back and goes back to bed, hoping it would be different and goes to sleep. Let’s hope the same for John.