A dive to remember, or not

It was so calm,
I could feel the waves whisper to me;
The birds calling my name;
Coming back to the ocean always felt the same;
It was like I was finally home!

I was ready to discover the depths of the ocean;
With a dive; I could feel it all;
The silence & serenity;
The colours of the corals;
Oh! How much I had missed this emotion.

In the darkness of the ocean;
A beam of light flashes;
With my torchlight it clashes;
In curiosity I take the swim;
Only to find out it was him.

I swim back to my dive boat;
And behind me, he floats;
On the deck, I land,
Looking at him, I go bland.

His face takes me six years back;
It was my first love;
So passionate & truthful;
Thinking of it all over made it hurtful!
He was the swashbuckler of my dreams;
Now, I could feel my bloodstreams.

A pirate in nature;
But a nurturer in reality;
It was a true love discovered at sea.
Full of adventure & enthusiasm;
The swordplay & chivalry;
I still remember it all so vividly.
We had parted ways for the best of us;
As there was no future then to discuss.

He zones me back on the deck;
He says, ‘I feel like such a wreck’
Tears start rolling down;
In his chest my head drowns;
‘I could never forget you’ he says;
So let’s sail away & always be together,
I want to be yours forever.
He was ready to come with me;
It all felt so surreal;
I was the happiest person ever;
I had finally found my treasure.

I could feel someone pumping my chest;
Emma! Emma! Emma!
They called out my name;
With a long breath, I opened my eyes;
I see a hospital room at my first sight;
Looking at the doctors;
With panic, I get up;
All I want to do is, stand up.
Getting rid of the bedsheet; I see my feet;
Only to discover all I now see is one foot.

I had lost it; it was my leg;
I close my eyes and try to recall;
I had spotted the love of my life in that dive;
But destiny had something else to drive;
I lay unconscious in his arms;
He had saved me from any further harm;
Fought the shark like a warrior;
Without any barrier.
The unconscious dream was too good to be true;
So that was the reality;
Of how my first love had yet again saved me & flew.

The Tale Of Honest “YES”

Present-day 2:00 AM:

Nisha’s phone chimes as she receives a message. The message is from Munna. 

Munna: “Hey! I want to meet you today at our regular place. Got to say something important.”

Nisha reads the message, smiles and replies.

Nisha: “Sure Mun. Is 4 PM, okay? Will the King in the North be out of his bed? :P”

Munna: “Lol! If the queen of 7 kingdoms is calling, any king will come rushing :D.”

Nisha: “Hahaha! See you at 4 then.”

Munna: “Sure! Bye.”

Munna keeps his phone aside and blushes. His friend Sri comes, sees it and asks.

Sri: “Dude, It is time to log out, and you are still in the office with that blushy face? Is it Nisha?”

Munna: “Yes, we are going to meet tomorrow. I’m going to open up about my feelings to her.”

Sri: “Buddy, That’s awesome! That’s a huge step you are taking, and I’m very happy for you. It is time. Let’s go, or else we might miss the cab.”

Munna and Sri log out for the day and start climbing down the stairs having a conversation. 

Sri: “How are you feeling? Are you excited about tomorrow?”

Munna: “Yes, very excited! I don’t know how I’m going to tell, but I’ve got to say.”

Sri: “Awesome! What do you like most of Nisha?”

Munna: “The curious eyes that read my last message wording,

The excitement she got when she read that message, “we are meeting.”

The moment her hair curls in the air, 

The way she cares for me. 

The way she talks, 

The way she walks.”

Sri: Okay, Okay. Calm down Shakespear. I can see the feelings for her in your eyes, and I’m sure she will see it too. Good night buddy. I will be waiting for the happy news.

Munna and Sri sit in their respective cabs. Munna leans back and goes into the past when he first saw Nisha.

1 Year Back, morning 8 AM

It was the first day of the office for Munna, and as a 22-year-old who finished graduation, he was pretty excited. He enters the building goes to room number 104 as instructed and sits there. There are around 30 people in the room. He looks around the room and is awestruck at the most beautiful sight. He saw Nisha for the first time, and his heart skips a beat. Nisha was looking at her phone and smiling. Munna remained spellbound by looking at those expressive eyes and that innocent smile.

In the meantime, HR walks in and asks them to give an introduction. Munna is eagerly waiting to know the name. Then comes Nisha’s turn and Munna is at the peak of this enthusiasm and curiosity. Nisha stands up and speaks.

Nisha: “Hello. My name is Nisha. I did my Engineering in Computer Science. It is my first job. I love watching movies, series, and currently, I’m watching Naruto and Game of Thrones ( This was before season 8 :P). My hobbies include reading books, blogging and that is it.”

Munna is astonished and happy as Nisha shares similar interests. He always imagined various scenarios of talking to her and smiled like an idiot. A couple of months pass by, and Munna is just staring at her. 

She is like the Sirius A (brightest start in the universe) to his life of emptiness and darkness. They work under the same team and have formal conversations about work.

One day he gathers the courage to speak to her.

Munna: “Valar Morghulis.” How are you?

Nisha startles for a moment, smiles and says.

Nisha: “Valar Dohaeris.” I’m good, how are you?

Munna: “I’m good. I’m hungry, shall we go and grab something to eat? Probably Ichiraku Ramen?”

Nisha smiles and replies

Nisha: “Some other time, For now, the world shall know pain. Almighty push!”

Munna gets sad, turns back and starts walking. Nisha laughs, calls him and says

Nisha: “Dude! I’m kidding. Let’s go eat something.”

Munna squeaks like a child, and they go to grab a bite. It was the first official date in Munna’s life. He is having the best time of his life. 

As days pass by, their relation grew. They become best friends. One day they bunk their office to watch a movie the other day they go to a lovely dinner. A day doesn’t go by without texting each other. 

Munna’s feelings grew for Nisha. He feels incomplete when Nisha is not around. He always wanted to communicate with her. And he ever tried to express the same.

Present-day 3:15 AM:

The cab arrives at Munna’s house. He gets down, goes in and starts thinking about the evening. He tries to sleep but couldn’t. Finally, the time has come to meet. Munna gets ready and goes to the place. His eyes are searching for the arrival of his dream, and after a while, Nisha comes to the location.

The location is a garden with all the beautiful flowers. For Munna’s eyes, the most beautiful flower is talking to him and laughing at his jokes. He is on cloud nine. Finally, the moment has arrived. Munna holds Nisha’s hand and says

Munna: “Nisha, I have always wanted to say something to you. I couldn’t tell because I had a fear that I might lose you. Now no matter what, I want to express that. It always feels uncomfortable when you are not around me. It feels like a part of me is missing. In the ever-expanding universe, there is an infinite number of stars and self luminescent bodies. None match for the glow in your eyes. They might find the age of the universe one day, but they will never be able to calculate the amount of love I have for you.

If I don’t have you, life would be blue, and I would have no clue what is happening. You bring clarity to this messed up human. You bring a sense of completeness to this incomplete brain. I know the world is messed up, but if you are with me, it feels like I can face it. I want you to be the Hinata of this Naruto’s life. You are the moon of my life. That is all I know, and all I need to know. And if this is a dream, I will kill the man who tries to wake me.

I have much more to say, but I want to compress everything into three magical words that may seem common but are very powerful. I love you, Nisha. Will you accept my proposal?”

Nisha is in tears, she wipes it and says.

Nisha: “YES, I want to be the Hinata of your life. When I watch you, I feel strong, Like I can do anything, that even I’m worth something. Until the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, until the seas go dry, and mountains blow in the wind like leaves. You are my sun and stars.”

Both get very emotional and hug each other. They arrange a party for all their friends, and Sri walks in, congratulates Munna and says,

Sri: “Buddy, I’m very happy for you! I wanted to ask you something out of curiosity. What if she had Said no?”

Munna smiles and says.

Munna: “I would be delighted. If you truly love someone, and if they are happy without you in their life, you should let them go for their happiness. That is the meaning of true and honest love.”

Will she ever miss me? – Final part

Its 4 am, it has been three days we broke up. I am unable to sleep.

My minds play the moments I spent with her in repeat mode. Neither I can talk to her, nor I can move on from her. I have spent all these three days in my bedroom neither my parents know it nor my friend. Eyes are tired of crying. The mind is filled with numbness. Somehow I passed one month with this sorrow in my heart. Let me tell you guys. In these 30 days, I carried tons of weight of the heart. I was tired of thinking and crying for her.

The worst part is, Aafreen called me to meet in college. I went to meet her. She was sitting on the bench in the Garden. When I was seeing her from far, I don’t know why I felt; It’s going to be worse. I was preparing myself. Then I said, “Let’s face it”. I went near her, didn’t say hai to her. Just sat on the other end of the bench, by crossing my legs.

(conversation started)

Aafreen- Hai. How are you, Suraj?

Suraj– You didn’t come here to know how am I right?

Aafreen– Why are you rude to me?

Suraj– Am I? Aafreen I don’t have the energy to argue with you. Please tell me why you have asked me to meet. Otherwise, I will leave.

Aafreen – Suraj, I am sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I shouldn’t have interfered in your life.

Suraj– You shouldn’t be sorry for coming into life. You should be sorry for abrupt ends.

Do you know? How I am being these days. YOU block me whenever you want, and you talk to me whenever you like. Is this how it is. I shamelessly accept all this for my love towards you.

Aafreen– Suraj, I accept everything that it’s my mistake. But I didn’t know anything to do.

But Suraj, I come from a different world, Where I cant love. Somehow my heart didn’t listen to me. whatever it’s my mistake, As your JON SNOW(Game of thrones lead actor) said, “One shouldnt promise which he cant behold.”( smiling)

My intent was never to break your heart, I always wanted to be in your heart. But it happened.

Suraj– I am sorry for being rude. There was a lot of pain inside me that came out as anguish. By the way, You never promised until I insisted, maybe somehow I was also a partner of this reason of pain.

Aafreen– Suraj, I called you for a reason. I am leaving the city. Maybe you can never see me. But this a goodbye Suraj. All I wanted to say, I am sorry, and Whether you believe it or not, I loved you. I miss you a lot. Please be happy. Do whatever you want to do in your life.

When I was about to convince “Aafreen, listen to me.”

She said, “Please suraj, let it be. This is it.” She went away.

At the moment, guys, I was feeling dead inside. For 4 months, I lived with a burdened heart. Slept with old pain and woke up with new pain. It was so hard for me to smile even. I cried for no reason some times. 

It got worst when I met with an accident. My hand was fractured, and I got a severe knee injury. When I met with an accident, Zameer was the one who received the call of my accident. He carried me to the hospital, took care of me for 2 days continuously. He was there with my family and me. When my M.tech classmates told to Zameer that I have been going through all this. He was furious towards it. 

One morning, When I was crying on my hospital bed, and he saw it. 

Zameer– What happened? Is it paining?

Suraj– I am unable to forget her Zameer. Will she ever miss me? Like I miss her.

Zameer- Why do you want to forget her. You just need to accept that it was only a beautiful memory. You had your first love dude, you loved her with utmost sincerity. She loved you back. But some are not destined. 

Everything in this world had some expiry period. I know its hard to move on, But the hardest thing is not accepting the reality. Start your new journey.

Suraj-Sorry man, I didn’t know how to share with you.

Zameer– Don’t worry, I will always find about you. By the way, we are going home.

Suraj– Thanks dude

Zameer– Abey chup na..

In the process of time, I started to come out of it. It was hard, but I never gave up. I said to myself, “It’s Ok”. It’s not that I forgot entirely, but I moved on. Whenever I think of Aafreen, a smile comes, for me, Aafreen is my smile.

Moving on is the greatest gift for human beings. Always remember life is a lengthy equation with different functions, including love, but all you need to know is how to make L.H.S = R.H.S.

Will she ever miss me-Part 5

Suraj- Yes I am Suraj, who is this

Aafreen– Hai Suraj, It’s Aafreen this side.

Suraj- Who ?(voice stumbling)

Aafreen- Suraj, I am Aafreen, CSE, your collegemate. 

I did not believe it, and I don’t know why. How can this miracle happen? I was entirely in a trance for a few moments, and she was shouting my name on that side.

Suraj- Yeah, are you the burkha and Bharatanatyam combo girl? 

Aafreen- If that’s how you remember me, yes, I am.

Suraj-  Hey, how are you? How did you get my number?

Aafreen- It’s not that tough.

Suraj- Yep, that’s true.

Aafreen- I was about to call you in the morning, but I couldn’t.

Suraj- Why?

Aafreen- There were people in the canteen. You seemed to be very serious.

Suraj- Are you the one who sat in front of me in the canteen.

Aafreen- Yes. You got it. I came to meet my friend, coincidentally, you were sitting in front of me.

(Inner me(screaming)- Yes, I know that it was her.)

( Inner me(relaxing)- Thank God!! Not again”)

We talked for many hours, all casual stuff. I didn’t brag about past because it’s of no use.

She messaged me in WhatsApp- “This is my number.”

We, boys, are very foolish in terms of romance. We just talked for a few minutes, and I started for hoping to rejuvenate my love towards her.

Hope is a funny thing, and once it comes, your actions are reactions to it.

But this time, I also had one more thing with me; it’s “Practicality.” 

I was very conscious of her, and I know how it hurts when it ends. Gradually, somehow small chats turned to be lengthy discussions. Acquaintance turned to be close friends. Five-minute calls turned to be one-hour calls. I somehow used to sleep by talking to her. I don’t know how it happened. somehow when I realized, I was f****d.

( practicality was like- you as******le)

Let me tell you, one thing guys, you can live in deception until you know you are deceived. One day, Aafreen came to college to meet me casually. My inner me was continuously urging me to speak to her. When she was about to leave.

Suraj- Aafreen, one minute.

Aafreen- What?

Suraj- I love you.

Aafreen- What? (surprisingly)

Suraj- You heard it right, I love you.

I still remember how she saw me with anger, she went away with her bike without uttering any word as a usual abrupt ending.

At 11 P.M, I got a call from her. The conversation goes like this

Aafreen– Are you mad or what?

Suraj – What! Are you ok?

Aafreen– What am I ok? really. Why do you need to get this thing always between us?

Suraj– What always, this is 2nd time I told you that I love you. What’s wrong in it?

Aafreen– Everything. Why can’t we be friends? Why do you think that narrow?

Suraj- It’s really hurting. What do you think? I wanted to waste my mental energy thinking of you. NO! It happens. I clearly can’t control myself, but here I am not forcing you. It’s ok if you don’t feel the same. But I wanted to be truthful.

Aafreen- What’s the use of this truth? It will separate us. We can never talk to each other.

Suraj- Yeah, maybe. But I can’t deceive.

Aafreen– Suraj. Try to understand. This won’t happen.

Suraj- Maybe. But what should I do? You are my only true love. I can’t deny it to myself.

Aafreen- Do you think I can deny it to myself.

Suraj- What did you just say?

Aafreen- Nothing.

Suraj- You love me, right?

Aafreen- Of course, yes. I love you. What do you think? 

Why did I call you? Myself. 

Why did I come to university? 

Why did I spend hours talking to you.?

Why do I always spend hours asking about your lunch?

Do you think I just did by being just friend to you? No Idiot, I fell in love with you, when you sang for me on our farewell, I always thought of you all these days. Searched in facebook but you deactivated your account. Somehow found out you were there in this university. So came here but I couldn’t find the strength to talk to you directly. That’s why I called you.

Suraj- I really love you too Aafreen.

Aafreen- I can’t do this Suraj, the reason is apparent. We can’t be together. My parents love me a lot, and they let me live as I wanted. It may sound straightforward for other people. But for me, it’s tough to oppose them and marry you—clearly, it’s impossible. We can’t continue to be in this. 

Suraj- What ! are you mad? We can convince. 

Aafreen- I know my parents from the past 23 years. I know where they can be convinced where they cant be. I think this is it.

Suraj- Really what! You are leaving again.

Aafreen- Yes, I have to. I know I am hurting. But there is no chance for me and you. Hope you understand. 

Once again “I love you Suraj.”

Phone call cuts…

{ 6th part is final}

Will she ever miss me-Part-4

She blocked me both virtually and in her real world.
Its been two months. It’s not that I don’t miss Aafreen. Still, I gradually learnt that Life is a lengthy equation with different functions in it, including love. I felt forcing or convincing is not suitable for any relation. I just left to time that if we were meant to be, We would cross our paths.

Somehow gradually, I got too got busy in my academics. But whenever I used to see Aafreen, I always felt we could have been a good couple. It was final year, Hardly one month was left in college time. But, whenever I had a chance to see her, I didn’t miss it. It was relieving pain to see her.

In the middle of the night, I just figured, after 2 days it’s farewell. I realised that at the end of my fairytale. I grabbed pen and notepad started writing about my feelings. I still remember I signed in such a way that her name was highlighted through my name. I planned it to give it on the farewell day because she will be available in the waiting room.

It was our farewell day, I was hosting it. There was a list in my hand again. I was going through the list of participants, the name was not on the list. I was searching for her in the crowd. She was just sitting at the right edge in front rows. She was shining like the moon in constellations of stars.

I never had a conversation with her, if this day passes I might never.
I just wanted to sing for her. I took a list I added a name in cultural event list in singing events.
I took mic addressed crowd “This farewell is end to many moments we had with our friends. Don’t know we can live it again in our lives. But if this is it then why not bid farewell it with a smile.”
When the crowd was singing with me for Rahman’s music. It was magical.

I took the same bus, which she accepted. I asked a girl on the bus, to forward this letter to her. We got down at the same spot but when we started moving our directions were opposite.

I had a smile on a face, but inside I was bleeding. When I was on the bed, I had tears on my eyes. The numbness I felt, I can’t forget it. Time passed, I started to accept the things that how they are. After a few days, I got a seat in M.Tech in University.
New Phase began. Hostel life, seriousness in studies and I became more mature.

In my masters, we used to be very serious regarding exams. We slept in the afternoon and studied in the nights. Though our canteen was not that good, samosa and Green tea are fantastic.

My friends and I were having snacks in the canteen, there was a girl in burkha seeing me, I saw her I just felt Deja vu. I told myself, “Not again dude.”

At night 9 PM, when I came back from the mess, there were four missed calls on my mobile.
I called back and said ” Hello” there was a girl’s voice from the other side “Hai, is this Suraj?”
I answered back “Yes I am Suraj, who is this?”
she said, “Hai suraj, It’s Aafreen this side.”

A Tale of Moans and Grunts

“You have a brilliant voice”, “The modulation is perfect”, “You can try singing”, “You can be a good choir singer”, “You need the background to be a singer”, “You can’t dream big being born in a middle-class family”, “Why don’t you try dubbing and voice-overs for starters?”, “Do we have anything for her? She’s my cousin’s friend’s cousin. Hey, will you give a voice for a role? It’s a bold role though!”, “Damn! Her voice is real husky and seductive.”, “Show me what you got.. Moan for me sugar. Moan as you have had it.”, “Did you hear her moan?”, “Damn, you got me real horny!” and “She is the girl who moans!” there are the compliments and suggestions Sarah have received from ages 9 to 29. From suggesting her to be a choir singer, from dreaming of being a movie singer, she had finally become someone who moans for pornographic actors.

Sarah wakes up in the morning, and she starts practices moans, tries moaning in different characters. She gargles her beautiful throat with hot water, works out for an hour and rushes to work. She works at SugDaddy sound studio. They dreamt of becoming a mainstream movie recorder, but end up being sound editors and a dubbing studio for pornography. But, Mallesh, who is the owner, looks at it positively. He thinks art is an art and any movie is a movie regardless of its genre. Everyday Sarah has to view the entire porno film to get into the character; Mallesh insists that. He always wanted to be a filmmaker, but couldn’t. So, Mallesh satisfies his wish to direct people through conducting voice workshops for his porn dubbing artists. He insists them to watch the entire movie before giving voice. He pays, so they don’t mind. The porno makers pay him extra for dubbing.

It was just another day for Sarah, and they called her in for a prestigious project. She went to the studio, and a producer was seated beside Mallesh. “Sit down, baby!” Mallesh pointed Sarah to sit on the couch in front of them. “Sir gave us his project because he is a great fan of you. He even gave the lead role to Smitha, who suits very well for your voice”. The producer was excited to see Sarah. “So it’s you! Behind all that! It is you! I hired Smitha thinking it was her voice, but I came to know that she doesn’t have that pitch of a moan. She then revealed to me about you and this studio. I just thought that’s where I should give my prestigious project.” The producer spoke out. “This film will be aired internationally in a famous digital streaming platform Pee5.” Mallesh boasted a bit.

“Why is Pee5 airing porn anyway? Sarah asked. “They recognise that it is art too!” Producer covered in. Sarah frowned as Mallesh was looking like he had something to ask. “Why don’t you directly ask what you want for me, Mallesh?” Sarah asked angrily. “Oh, you spotted it!” Mallesh faked a laugh. “It’s nothing, and it’s just that..” The producer was hesitant to ask. “So sir is a big fan of you!” Mallesh covered. “What is it casting couch?” Sarah sighed. “No, no No!” producer yelled, and Mallesh continued “No! But can you once moan, he’s a big fan, he wanted to hear it live!”. “Oh, give me a break!” Sarah facepalmed. “You can come by the studio stand outside and listen to it” she said and walked by the door, went down not listening to what they had to say.

She went by the screening room, and there was a new guy in the room. “Who the fuck are you? The actor with more favours to ask?” she asked him. “Pardon?” he turned back. His eyes were sparkling, and they were pitch black. She stunned for a moment, and she felt like she lost herself in a black hole looking into his eyes. “Err. sorry, I thought you were..” she gulped. “It’s okay. I’m wearing very ordinary-looking clothes and can be confused with any man on this world” he laughed. She smiled, but she couldn’t take her eyes away from his. He felt awkward and looked at the screen. “I’m Adarsh, the dubbing guy for this project. The producer said he liked my voice” he said, avoiding eye contact. “Who would not!” Sarah thought and started acting normally. “He said the same thing to me. He even requested to hear my moans in person!” she said while shaking her head with disgust. “OMG! He said the same thing to me. I had to grunt in front of him, or he wouldn’t let me go.” he said, closing his eyes. “Grunt?” Sarah asked curiously. “What do you think men do in porn? They moan? Nah! They grunt. Guhhhh” She giggled, and he did too. “I’m Sarah” she said. “Duh!” he said and smiled, “You are famous, Sarah!” he felt awkward “Let’s.. let’s start the movie?” he asked. Sarah played the film, and it had begun. It was a movie about a house owner seducing the maid while his wife tries to seduce the husband of the maid as revenge.

The husband unnaturally smiles at the maid, and she understands his intentions. And it doesn’t take him more than forty seconds to convince her to sleep with him.

Adarsh started laughing, and Sarah asked what it was. “They could write good dialogues at least!” he said. “Who watches a porn film for dialogues anyway?” Sarah asked. “No, it’s just too unconvincing for the maid to accept that quick!” Adarsh continued to laugh. “Come on! I have seen worse. It’s just a quick assumption audience have to make that all the characters are always horny” Sarah laughed. “Ah, the sex scene! You wanna skip it?” Adarsh asked. “No! That’s exactly what we should dub!” she said amazed. “There is no character or defined personality for these actors. They are just flat. You can imagine any random character and imagine them horny and can even moan closing your eyes. It will still perfectly sync!” he laughed. “Come one! You are ranting! Not any random character. They do have personalities.” Sarah explained.

The camera was shaking vigorously, and the actress was faking penetration on the screen. “Uh, Ah? Listen to this!” Adarsh said. Sipped some water form his bottle. Sarah was looking at him curiously. The camera turned towards the man on screen. “Now! look at the screen!” Adarsh muted the audio. “Oh, baby, yes!” Adarsh mimicked Doraemon’s voice to dub the guy on screen. Sarah’s eyes were wide open, and she could not control her laughter. “What the fuck man?” she continued laughing. “Look at my gadget” he continued, and Sarah facepalmed. He continued mimicking Mickey Mouse, Aladin, Kick Buttowski and he even peep-peeped like the roadrunner. They laughed and made fun while the runtime finished. “Time for battle!” he said. “We have to dub together?” he asked. “Unfortunately!” she said. Both of them walked into the dubbing room as the files and equipment were pre-arranged.

They sat beside each other. It was the first time in Sarah’s life, and she felt embarrassed to fake a few moans in the presence of someone else. She felt like a child going on stage for the first time. She had cold feet. But she fought it and prepared herself. She moaned, he grunt, but in between, they looked at each other. The room was filled with replays of their moans and the scenes of vigorous sex. But it was silence in Sarah’s mind. Her mind ignored all those songs. She started playing Perry Como’s 𝅘𝅥𝅮 Killing me Softly 𝅘𝅥𝅮 in her mind.

His eyes, his smile, and his struggle to grunt in Sarah’s presence; In front of the screening and dubbing for hardcore sex and bad writing, there was something else going on, and it was magical. They finished dubbing, and the producer was listening, looking at them from the editing room. His desire was satisfied. Today’s schedule was completed. It was evening, and they both walked away. They were on the street, but something made them walk slower, and they didn’t wanna go home. Sarah turned back, and so did he. Both smiled. He walked towards her. “Do you like to go out with me? Dinner?” he asked softly. “We met in a porn studio, we moaned together. And that’s how soft you ask me? You sweet, sweet, sweet boy!” she laughed.

“Well, what do you want me to ask you then? That I want to listen to your moans in person?” Adarsh mimicked in producer’s voice funnily. “Well, you can’t. You can never!” she said seriously. “Hey, I was joking, you didn’t recognise the voice. It’s the producer. I really want… I desire to have dinner with you, Sarah, with beautiful eyes” He flirted softly and smiled. She closed her eyes and opened them looking at him. “Only if we got to the BurgerMonarch and order Big burgers” she said “I like them big” Sarah mimicked Madison Ivy, a pornstar. They both laughed. “Big will you get” he said in Yoda’s voice.

In the starry night, under the lamp, they sat in front of each other, just smiling, munching their burgers. While people on the road honked and yelled at each other, they were immersed in their own sweet worlds. They were walking together on the street, engaged in one another. “I was serious when I said you can never hear me moan, Adarsh! Not a real moan” she said. “I know” he said and she was shocked. “We… we saw a lot of sex, Sarah. I know, I understood the moment we talked that you are just like me. Sex, it means nothing to us. I’m asexual too, Sarah. Not just away from it, but the thought of sex repels me. I’m fed up of it. But I never knew I would be romantically active either. I’ve been far away from people all my life. I never thought I would be romantically attached with someone so quick.” He paused, and Sarah’s eyes grew teary. “But You feel something, right? Something magical happening right here?” She said in a crying tone. He blushed and looked at her.

“I guess I have started falling for you” he said. “I always hoped that I would find someone, just like me, far away from sex and like me romantically” Sarah said. “Hope is a funny thing, isn’t it? Even when we are sunk deep into the shithole of the world, we didn’t stop hoping for love.” Adarsh said. “Too soon to say ‘love’, lover boy” Sarah smiled. “Well, I hope to become it soon, I have a big heart and great hope” Adarsh smiled. “You like it big, don’t you?” he mimicked Johnny sins. They both had a great laugh as he walked her home. “See you tomorrow, Adarsh” she said. “Let’s moan together” he smiled as she smiled and went in. Adarsh kept walking with a smile. Sarah was smiling too, she was sleeping peacefully, and even the neighbour’s violent bed thumping didn’t seem like a bother to her.

Will she ever miss me-Part-3

by- K Dada Hayath

Click here for the first part!

Click here for the second part!

I messaged “I am in love with you, Aafreen, maybe love at first conscious sight.”

When I just messaged this. Even though I felt lite when I messaged, but my mind got struck. I felt someone had pressed pause button in my life.

I was waiting for her reply. But I don’t know she went offline after seeing it. I kept seeing my Facebook account for every minute, but she didn’t reply.

Days passed, waiting for her reply. Even in college, whenever I see her, she used to turn her face off. I felt ridiculous. One day even I tried to talk to her in the canteen by saying “hai” she just went away by ignoring me. That was it. I felt enough of it. I just felt its unhealthy for my self-respect. I just started ignoring my feelings towards her.

Days passed, I started to focus on my college. My article on ” Breaking stereotypes on men” got published in the college newsletter. It got good applaud and appreciation.

When I was about to sleep, my mobile started blinking. I checked it.

It was like Shaik Aafreen messaged.

The feelings which were suppressed in my heart started coming out. My heart started beating in rhythm, and I was blushing before opening the message.

She messaged “Wrote well, Keep it up.”

I replied, “Thank You.”

She messaged “How are you?” I replied, “I am good.” I didn’t want to start a formal conversation with her. I didn’t ask “How about you?”

There was a big pause in our chat. But I told myself to not sound desperate. After a few minutes, Aafreen messaged “What else how else life is going?”

I angrily replied, “Really?”

“What’s wrong with you. See if you don’t want to acknowledge my feelings towards you. That’s OK. But I can’t behave as if nothing happened. But I think, You should have at least said something right.”

She replied “I am sorry, i didnt mean to hurt you. It was very shocking to me. We never known each other that well, how can someone directly propose. Its very amature.”

I replied back “Yeah maybe, but you could have replied. Do you know, I waited for many days then i thought “It’s just a waste of time. So, I moved on.”

She Replied, “Hmmm, good for you.”

I replied, “Arey what’s the issue? I can un derstand you need time. you take it.”

She replied “please Suraj, don’t get in to this in our conversation. I don’t believe in this all.”

I replied “OK.”

I felt it was the start of my love story. We used to chat every day.

Though my love story was typical to all, For me it was cuter than Romeo and Juliet. It was time where I used to recite the lyrics of every romantic song by thinking of her.

But you need to understand there is a difference between trance and reality, luckily you will have someone who slaps you in a trance makes you realise that it’s not real. That was my friend, Zameer.

He said, “Don’t you think you are real to her”. I said “Ofcourse, Maamu” by smiling foolishly.

He said, “Dont lie to me, I can easily tell by the way of your smile.”

I said, ” What to do maamu, What can I say . She doesn’t like to have a conversation on it itself” He suggested, “Then You stop talking or you stop lying to yourself”. What if she blocks me again.

He said “Then she is not meant for you. But in fear of it, I dont want you to live in lie.”

he added “Just tell her what she meant for you. If she accepts that means you are lucky. If not she is lucky” started silently smiling.

I didn’t notice the humour in it, then I got it ” Abey.. #@$@^$@.”

Next day, I messaged Aafreen, “Can we meet, I need to talk to you?”

she replied “Suraj, I don’t like to meet. Please message me whatever it is.”

I messaged a long paragraph, but let me shorten it for you

“I can’t be a friend to you. I love you so much. If it’s not OK for you. I think we need to stop talking to each other. But I know we can be awesome together.”

 She replied “Sorry Suraj, I cant accept this, let’s stop talking to each other. That will be better for both”

Then she used that biggest weapon ” BLOCK.”

The Completed Poetry

Daniel, born in the country of love, Italy, was a man who never expressed how he feels directly. He loves rock music yet sticks to classic jazz. Daniel was a pleasant man with a smile that never fades. He loves the sunrise and doesn’t sleep till he saw it; he’s a night owl. Daniel is a person who still had hope in humanity. He saw his customers as people just like him, and he liked helping them by sewing their shoes. He was educated, and it was not his family business, yet he had always been fascinated by shoes. He saw the boots as pillars and foundation for a human body. He loved to work at something that makes people stand on their feet. “Looking at people’s shoes, how tidy they are, gives me an insight of how their personalities are” Daniel believes. He likes to mark the shoes he sewed with his signature under the sole. It was “D”. He lives next to a flower shop run by Mallory. She was a good neighbour, and he did speak a few words with her. They sometimes share how their day went on. Slowly, he lost something. Maybe a purpose? He stopped noticing the faces of people. All he cared were their footwear. 

It was a beautiful morning, and the flower fragrance from Mallory’s shop was the only thing that lightened Daniel’s mood. He went into his shop, and his employee handed him a pair of heeled shoes. “The sole is broken” he said. “Your soul is broken?” Daniel asked confusingly. “The damn shoe!” his employee said sighing. Daniel smiled and looked at the shoe. It was of a woman. Right away, he looked at it, amazed. “Well, it’s a beautiful shoe” Daniel said. “Of a beautiful woman” his employee said. “It’s not just beautifully designed, it is beautifully maintained. Look how there are no signs of scars on it! This shoe was never abused, Ezio!” Daniel exclaimed. “People here don’t care about domestic abuse, and you are bothered about a mishandled shoe?” Ezio asked curiously.

“This shoe my friend is obviously a year old, that’s the reason why her sole broke” Daniel said. “Did you ever receive someone giving you a year-old shoe to repair?” He continued. He was enjoying replacing the sole. He thought of it as a favour he was doing to its owner. He finished reviving it, but he didn’t sign this shoe. He thought it would be better untouched. “Don’t take a single penny for this shoe! It’s on the house, Ezio!” Daniel yelled. There was some curiosity in him to see who this owner was. He was waiting for that person to arrive and claim those beautiful shoes. The doorbell rang, and a person entered, followed by a flower fragrance. Daniel looked at her footwear, and it was spotless and shining. With a smile, he just lost in his world as he need not look at the person’s face. The scent told him that it was Mallory. But he still looked at her face and the way she greeted him with a smile. He never observed how beautiful her lips are when she smiles. They looked like rose petals, and he felt like she was a walking Rose! Something about her attracted him so much. 

Days passed, and he started observing how Mallory treats her customers with tenderness. He began buying flowers in her shop, just to look at her and get greeted by her. Ezio felt weird, looking at Daniel’s desk with beautiful flowers each day. On the second visit to her shop, she handed him a piece of poetry that she wrote.

" These flowers are special,
  they are a part of our one-trillionth cousins.
 For plants are coeternal,
 our family separated far back aeons.
 Feed them with water,
for they feed you with a day of happiness."

That is the moment he fell for her! She broke his walls. He never saw trees as his family. He grew his scope of humanity, he felt like he belonged to the enormous family of cosmos. Right then, he knew that he loved her. He grew lonely. In fact, Daniel was always alone, but this is the first time Daniel felt lonely. He craved for her embrace. But Daniel is not the guy who spoke his feelings out. He framed her piece of poetry in his home. He looked at that every day and tried to write something as beautiful as that. The room was always filled with scrapped paper rolls. But this day, after a year of loving Mallory and observing her more and more each day. He understood that she didn’t write poetries to her customers by thinking about what to write for hours. She just wrote what she felt. She has no walls that stopped her from knowing herself. Mallory is that rare human being who knew her “I”. Many philosophers couldn’t figure out what self is, but Mallory, she instinctively knew who she was and what she writes. “What am I?” Daniel thought all night. The morning he woke up, he didn’t have a constructive answer to that question, but he felt like he knew who he is. He dipped his quill in ink, put it on paper. “I will just write what I feel,” he thought, and the words flew like a river.

"On this morning of the sun behind the clouds,
I write a love note to you;
Every breeze of the time passes,
And I fell you as the dew;
Am I falling in the love doses,
That I have no clue;
Or should I tell that I see roses,
But all I see is the smile of you;
I feel so romantic in my proses,
When I recall your pink cheeks and those eyes blue;"

He wrote those words and his face; he was blushing. He put it in an envelope and rushed to Mallory’s shop. He went inside, and she greeted him. “I was waiting for you” she said. Daniel was puzzled. “F..for..for me?” he asked hesitantly. “Yes, your flowers are ready! Is this not why you came? Is there something you wanna talk, Daniel?” She asked, and Daniel’s heart was thumping. He did not dare to give her the note. “No, just the flowers, thanks!” he said. He picked the flowers from her, and when he was leaving “That’s a good dress” he said, trying to build his courage up. “Oh! this is a present from my cousin.” she said, looking at her dress. “Surprises are beautiful, aren’t they?” Daniel extended the conversation. “Well, it would have been if I did not already predict it” she laughed. “I like unpredictable things” she said. Daniel smiled, and he knew what to do.

That night he took up another note, and he wanted his love letter to be a surprise. He wanted the kick out of her searching for him. He added a note asking her to find him, and he observes her daily. He put it in a rose plant. “These petals; her lips” he thought. He put the pot in front of her shop, and he was waiting for her to look at it. And when she took it, his heart skipped a beat. She read the letter, he could see her through the glass walls. She blushed, smiled and was happy. He was singing songs in his mind. Then she came out holding the pot and letter, straight up to his shop. “I got caught!” he thought, and was scared. “Daniel” she called in ecstasy. “See what I found at my doorstep. It’s a love letter”. “Is this your first love letter?” Daniel asked doubtfully. “Yes” she replied. Daniel could see the excitement in her eyes. That look remained with him the entire day. He was sleepless that night, and he wrote another note. “I’ll meet you when I finished this poetry” he wrote in the earlier note. 

*Hey, the bracelet is to compliment your look. You look gorgeous today. Did you water my plant?*

"I feel like standing between two worlds.
You are stuck in my heart with some glue;
I wonder emotions can be those,
Turning into feelings as they grew;"

He wrote and put in his mother’s bracelet. It was the memoir of her, and now he will see it on the person whom he loves the most. He put the note at her doorstep. 

Their days passed with the routine of letters, and the poetry kept growing. Every day she would read Daniel what she had received that day, and he sleeps imagining how she blushed and how she smiled for his letters. But the poetry had to end someday, they had to meet. Daniel decided it was the day she knew who he was. He wanted to be it on a note too. He wanted her to read him what he wrote. He wanted her to realise that it was Daniel all along and he wanted to record that moment with his eyes. The quill was already dipped in ink. He put it on the paper. 

"It was I, 
 right in front of your eye.
 To look at you smile,
 I can even run a mile.
 With the note comes no material,
But something better, it is I, Daniel."

He sprayed his perfume on the letter, like a clue. He wants her to find him by the very scent of it. He put it in his draw. He couldn’t sleep that night. He was excited to give her this completed poetry of their love. “Together we can write many more” he thought. He was dancing to the records of his favourite romantic songs all night. It was morning already, and he got ready when the sun rose. He was all prepared. He put the envelope in his breast pocket of the jacket, close to his heart. He started walking, feeling the fresh breeze of winter. Everything around him looked lovely. Even the drunk fool arguing with his wife on the road felt lovable to him that day. “Du𝅘𝅥𝅮 Du 𝅘𝅥𝅮 Du Du Du Du Du 𝅘𝅥𝅮” He was singing. “I’m singing in the rain! I’m singing in the rain 𝅘𝅥𝅮” he was singing it out smiling. “How beautiful the world is” he thought. 

But little did he know, that Vierri, who worked at the docks, was in a bad mood. Vierri’s wife was hospitalised. He worked all night, and he can’t quit. His economic class and his un-education only allowed him to earn meagre wages. The work was endless, two days straight since Vierri had a good sleep. “I will help her cure” he thought. He was driving a truck of load, and it was a cold winter day. The winter blues are gloomy, and the sleep demon hit him in the eye. His eyelids felt heavy, and it was hard to open them. When he opened his eyes, it was because of a bang. Only then did he realise that the truck was on the pavement and under its tire was Daniel.

The poetry was complete, but it couldn’t reach Mallory. It is up to her and her deduction to find that Daniel was her secret admirer. It is for her to finish the poetry herself.

This is a tribute to the person who have taught me to write poems and encouraged me to write stories. This story is another side of the story “Incomplete Poetry” written by Chandini Kola. Click here to read her story.

Not the cliched Lover – Best Friend story!

  • By – Gayatri

It all started with friendship. Doesn’t it always? 😉

2008 – 8th class it was! The usual chattering, fun, teasing, and you know how the school is!

2008-2015 – We became the best of friends. It was a group of 6 best friends! Sounds like F.R.I.E.N.D.S, doesn’t it? 

Well, it was somewhat likewise too we had the sarcastic one, the fun guy and the uptight one like how they all say but we all knew we had each other’s back!

And in these years I didn’t realize I had my chandler next to me until he was getting fonder of Rachel. Yea, that’s my twist now.

He was going nuts over my best friend, but it eventually didn’t turn out well, and I became the superwoman to this chandler with my shoulder. So that’s when all the gut-wrenching and secretly loving my best friend turned out to be a for real.

Things are complicated, but only if we let them get complicated. Over a few months, he realized, ‘I have had Monica beside me all this while.’ and that’s when the actual Chandler and Monica happened!

It all started with a hug, a hug full of love, warmth and a promise of never letting go!

2016 – We were together!!! It was beautiful to realize what you have been waiting for has been along your side all this while! Best friends turned lovers, how cute and exciting! The best part is how we could just have the best of both worlds at once, you mad at your lover? Switch mode to best friend and talk from that perspective and vice-versa.

The first kiss, the first date, the firsts; I know how people talk about their firsts. But with us, funnily, we don’t remember any of our firsts even till date because that’s how lovely it was;  every meeting was like the first one but, a little more meaningful, every kiss was like the first one but a little more expressive, every fight was like the first one but ended with a bit more understanding.

Not that it was all sugar and roses, we had our downfalls, but we never let the ego ever come in between us, that’s another benefit of being best friends now, isn’t it? You give them a whack of a reality check, and they are back to their feet.

2018 – That’s when the short distance turned to long distance. Oh yes! It isn’t easy, primarily when you used to meet that person every day and now you must meet them virtually!

But those six months were the best wherein I was surprised with appearances and trips along with which came a lot of life lessons, which were learnt.

One of which was, ‘Long distance is more than video calls, they are about how you love & how long you can overlook everything unnecessary that asks you to let go; 

how at the end of the day coming back to the ‘i miss you’s’ makes you fall in love all over again and lastly, how the feeling of their longing presence looks all worth it with that hug when you meet them!

2019 – It’s funny, how we didn’t propose each other even till date but still ended up with what we have today! That special bond! It was still as strong as ever, and everything always felt like the firsts.

2020 – Here we are today! In a dilemma! Neither of us had thought this is how it would end! But with all the pain we still put up a smile on each other’s face because we realized more than lovers we longed each other’s friendship and that isn’t something we were ready to sacrifice for the world. He was a keeper, and I didn’t want to let go of him. But he was the crazy best friend who loved me too much that he was ready to let go of the lover because we knew that was the best for us. He was the one who would stand beside me through my worst and the best. I have seen his teenage stupid love and heartbreaks, but this was more than any of it. From being there as a shoulder for crying to giving me a lecture for something wrong, it was always him. And that idiot told me, ‘He would choose the best friend crazy over the unfortunate relationship drama that was meant to come, any day’. Sometimes letting go of a gem of a person feels like the burden of the Earth but realizing the worth of a real best friend over a lover is not to be overlooked ever.

It is the toughest, especially when you find both the lover & best friend in the same person. But circumstances and situations mould things in such a way that we don’t see the beauty of letting go right now but we will when the time comes and what we need always comes to us more than what we want.

So that’s when I realized why people say, ‘If you don’t ever want to lose your best friend, don’t fall in love with them’.

And for all the people who say that lovers can never turn into best friends? Once you realize they are the magic spell which you can’t lose or have otherwise, it becomes easier to let go off the lover because a real best friend always stays!

Will she ever miss me? – Part 2

I just shouted from the window” AAfreen.”
once after shouting, I moved past the window, mingled in the group of other students. There came a girl with burkha started searching for me here and there, but I was hiding, blushing.

There she was, Her face was shining like a diamond amid coal,
Her eyes were blinking like a star. I was just living that moment, in every bit of it she was there.

It was the generation of Facebook, I just searched ‘AAFREEN” in the search bar and sent the request. I remember that day, I was literally opening facebook for every 15 min throughout the day. I can’t express the anxiety which I had on that day in words.

A day passed, in the wait of friend request acceptance. I just thought” if this is my state of nerve for facebook request, what happens to me if I propose her?”I thought she won’t accept my friend request. I better sleep at least let’s not waste the night.

At 1.30 AM a notification blink on my phone and I woke up suddenly there was a notification .”Aafreen Shaik” accepted the friend request.
I was fully active, my every bit of sleep has vanished. I just saw whether she was online, but she was offline.
But don’t know I couldn’t message her in the night.
I was just happy, somehow my Facebook request has been accepted. I slept with that satisfaction.

When I found out who she was, it was accessible to find out which bus she came from and all that general information.
I remember, its Sunday, I felt she might be online, even though if she is not she will see my message and reply back to me.
At 9 AM, I messaged her, “Hai. This is Suraj, Civil Engineering, 4th year.”
The same circle of anxiety begins, every 15 min, I was stalking my own phone.

While I was eating my lunch I heard a notification sound, I ran to my phone leaving lunch to see who it is, but it was just a random notification.
My family saw me as if I am some mentally disturbed person.

At last at 7 PM I got a reply from Aafreen-“hai”.
My phone was under my radar 24 x 7, so there was no scope of missing any call or message.

I had a chat with her,
me- hai? How are you?
Aafreen- I am fine. How about you?
I replied-I am good. Do you know me?
Aafreen- yeah, of course, you were student coordinator to the annual day celebrations right.
Me- yeah, I never thought you could remember me from it.
Aafreen- no..no. I don’t remember you from it. I once met you regarding my cultural performance. My friends and I came to you regarding the time slots of our performance.remember?
[me to myself- really bro!!! How could I miss her man? damn. @#$#!#!#(censor)]
me-yeah.. got it.
(I literally don’t remember a single bit of it)
Aafreen- how come you have sent the request to me?
me- I just got it from the friend suggestions, I remember your performance I was at the backstage. So just sent the request casually.
(me to myself–you suck man…)
Aafreen- oh ok.
Me- Aafreen, forgot to congratulate you on your performance.
You were stellar.
Aafreen-Thank you.
Me-ok what else?
Aafreen- ok I gotta go. Bye

I just felt blockage when she left abruptly. I waited for her to come online.
She was offline for 3 days.
I used to check her Facebook every hour every day.

She once came online, I messaged her, and I couldn’t get a reply for it. I was totally disheartened due to that.

We chatted once in a while,
But she was replying for my 2 days ago message,
I was replying back to her within seconds. My ego was not at all, accepting this.
I decided to tell her my feelings about her.
So I just messaged her, ” Can I meet you directly in college? Need to talk.”
She replied back at night ” why?”
I just said,” I want to confess something to you.”
She asked,” confess, really?”
I said” Yes.”
She asked,” do we really have to meet?”
I said,” if possible, if not, I can confess it through Facebook.”
She replied,” it would be better for both.”
I said” ok.”

I messaged” I am in love with you, Aafreen, maybe love at first conscious sight.”