marriage – Penfluky

Marriage. What a Useless Affair!

I sat in front of my computer, thinking about what to write for today. And I realised that it had been too long since I wrote about any contemporary issue. I have been avoiding new issues because I see people who exist in the modern world that refuse to accept that there is a problem here. I didn’t have the patience for explanations. But it has been a long time and yeah, let’s take a dig at it! And today’s post is going to be a ‘roast’ on one of the most useless traditions we follow, marriage!

The only logic why marriage keeps on passing from generations to generations is because “My grandfather married, my father married so guess I’ll be married too”. I don’t think anyone even thinks about it. It is like a pre-existing condition that is automatically accepted by everyone without ever questioning it. It is worse than blind faith. Why is it necessary for any human to marry others? What is marriage? A sacred bond, my ass, it is a bond, like a literal paper of bond, an agreement!

“Please read the terms and conditions and sign the document below.”

If by marriage, you mean love between two people and their wish to live together, why do they need a paper? If there is not enough trust in them to live together, why to live together? Who is forcing you guys to sleep on the same bed every day! Why can’t you stay in your own homes and continue loving if you are not sure of living together? I also don’t think most of the married people or people ready to marry think of these things.

No-one even questions why one should marry! I have run around many societal norms, and it pains me to see they exist in the same world where I live. I’m usually referred to as an upper-class punk who haven’t yet faced any severe problems. I accept the silver spoon, but I also get that this silver spoon made it possible for me to be jobless enough to think about a lot of things. That’s what I do, I think! And that is why I am bothered with issues like this!

Marriage is the second most brainless thing humans do; the first is to assume that God is a person and has magical powers. Enough of ranting, and let’s get into why a marriage with no proper understanding is dumb! To get into that, let us explore the idea of ‘arranged marriage’ in Asian and Middle-eastern countries! Sometimes I’m surprised by how people are convinced with the idea of an arranged marriage! It is like “My daughter is ready for mating” “Is it! So is my son. How about letting them mate?” “Wow! great, so you like your son to mate with my daughter?” “Of course! But you have to pay me some rent as I’m letting my son plant a seed in your daughter” “Sure man, that would be pleasure. How about letting me bargain for the rent?” “Not a problem, give me gold instead.”

Marriage done,

Relatives praising for how the couple is made-for-each-other

Posts online “My better half” “He calls me Baby” “She calls me Tiger.”

Gets on the bed, forces his way in, takes what he believes is his.

Gets pregnant, stays with the ‘tiger’ because of the kids.

Arranged marriages are killing the lives of many women. In a sexually repressed country like India, men and women are abstinent from sex till the wedding. All this repression of 2,3 decades comes out in the form a brutally violent act in which they would care less about the partner’s consent. Because by marriage, you are giving the person right to have sex. Do parents understand that they are letting strangers in their daughter’s pants? Many men suffer from this marriage system too.

In a typical arranged marriage, society expects man to be alpha by hunting money and bringing food while the wife gets to wipe the kid’s ass. The societal pressure on the man to have kids, buy things and own a house make them repressed from living their lives. They live their lives to balance themselves in societal acceptance. And all this starts with the concept of the wedding! Imagine a man born in some house, a woman in some other place. They have met, liked each other and decided they have the perfect compatibility to live together and have agreed to do so. They did not marry, because they didn’t need it. Now again, believing that a couple would stay together lifelong is a crappy thought! I see how married older women refute the idea of divorce.

“The modern culture is rotten they have too many divorces,” they say! Of course, you would say that aunty, because you are jealous of the couple who decided to break up and live their own life, you never got the chance to live yours. Yeah, of course, you would say that! People expect marriage to last for a lifetime, and the people around us force the couple onto each other if they have a little gap. It is common for a couple to have gaps, and even if they decided to take a divorce, what makes you force them on to each other?

What makes you judge them just for not being together? They decided to not live together just like they chose to live so earlier. But yeah, here’s the problem in societies like India. It is the other people that choose which couple should live together, and thus the right automatically goes to them if you wanted to separate. It was never your choice to live with someone in the first place. You did not have the nerve to fight for your life; you heard the words of predators and hypocritic and jealousy older women. And thus you suffer in the void of a wedding! You couldn’t choose your own life’s choice, and now you take up the lives of other people; the partner and the partner’s family. You suffer in the unbearable weight of this burden! Just because you valued someone else’s opinion and word of mouth!

Ah! Marriage. What a useless affair!

NEITHER HIM NOR HER, they made it work

Ivra was getting the dinner ready for her folks. Aayan was on his way back home. He had a couple of errands to take care of for the dinner in order to make it a memorable one. Aayan’s parents had reached and they were overwhelmed to meet their pregnant daughter-in-law.
Aayan reaches home with a surprise. Ivra feels ecstatic to see the guests who were accompanied along with Aayan; they were none other than Ivra’s parents. It was the perfect evening for a family dinner.

Everyone’s seated on the dining table and the lights go off. ‘Don’t worry you all, I will take care of it!’, said Aayan. He brings out candles and places it on the table. ‘Hold on to your growling stomachs for a little longer, I have got a surprise for you all’, he said whilst holding onto an envelope which contained a letter; he pulled it out. Everyone gives him a confused look.
‘So to make this evening a little more exciting, I have something that I got to read out to you all. This is an offer letter from Zenden Marketing firm’. It was one of the top-ranked firms and had been retaining its position for the last 5 years now. Everyone in that room was fully aware of it and as soon as they heard this they began hooting, clapping, and congratulating Aayan. ‘Hold on you guys! I’m not finished yet’, exclaims Aayan. ‘This is for the post of branding manager and it comes in the name of Ivra’. Everyone’s taken by a surprise. The hooting and claps have now been switched to confused looks. Ivra is surprised to hear that as she had resigned 6 months back owing to the fact that Aayan and Ivra decided to start their family.
‘What is this beta? How will this be possible? How will you guys manage all this with a baby on board?’ asked Ivra’s mom. And Aayan is fired with tons of questions and surprised expressions.
‘I can only talk if everyone keeps quiet! says Aayan & continues, ‘I know it’s not going to be an easy task with the baby. But seeing Ivra’s talent, her boss has asked her to join back only after her maternity period is done. And when we decided to have a baby it wasn’t her sole decision. It was our decision. So when the decision is of two people why should I let her compromise on her dream job? How can I take away from her something she’s so proud of? We have always believed that household work, or having a baby & taking care of it is a women’s job, but why? Because that’s what we have been taught. But in the end, it’s our choice whether to abide by it or modify that teaching. And today I have called you all here to be a part of this celebration where we modify the teaching and pass it on that way.’ Ivra is in tears, seeing that Aayan’s father takes her hand and says ‘I couldn’t be any happier’ & gives Ivra and Aayan his blessings.

According to a recent study, it was found that 48% of women quit job midway due to family commitments and spend around 6 hours/day doing household chores. And the major reason for it is the lack of support at home.
It’s 2020 why are we still in this fight between patriarchy and feminism? When will we understand that life is not about who’s greater or who rules but it’s about building a collaboration & understanding between the two genders out of mutual respect, thoughtfulness & rock-solid commitment! Let’s have the courage to up bring our daughters and sons in the same manner without any discrimination so that when they grow old it’s only equality that prevails!

Is Everyone Eligible To Marry And Have Kids?

By – Mourya Koundinya

There are a few aspects which are not given much limelight but will create a significant impact and bigger implications. Such big that it may lead to depression and even ending a life in a few cases. The topic we have now is one of them. The problems may not be discussed as much due to many reasons, which include religion, creed, normalisation of the issue and many more. But we will talk this on a more prominent role which is Humanism.

Coming from India, which is the second most populated country in the world. Let us discuss the condition here as I can be more transparent. The divorce rate in India is 7.4% which is one of the lowest in world countries. But Every third woman in India suffers sexual, Physical Violence at Home. The numbers are far apart, which indicates there is something to the story. Coming to conceiving children, in India if you are married and do not have a child, you are declared impotent, and its get worst with questions thrown at you. 36% of children in India face some form of child sexual abuse in the house, according to the National Crime Records Bureau. It gets worse if we include other psychological aspects.

Imagine this scenario, A person with his family goes to a girl’s house. He and his family sit there stalking like a creep. Then the girl walks in wrapped up in a saree with her head down. She has a tray of beverages in hand. Steps up to the family to serve them the drinks and sit there, and she is judged while the looks eat her heart away. And suddenly there comes some odd questions, ” Do you know how to cook?” ” Do you dance or sing?”. No one ever asks ” are you comfortable with this?” “Are you okay to marry now?” How can you judge someone’s personality by her cooking and music skills? Imagine what goes in girls’ mind. Isn’t she a person who wants to become successful and fulfil her dreams? And even the girl’s parents are showing her as an object. They think we are doing a big favour by performing a marriage, not caring about their child is where the eligibility of having kids comes into the picture.

Talking about eligibility if you are a man who comes from the household described above, with a fit body and earning well, it doesn’t make you eligible for marriage. If money made a person better in terms of personality and character, trust me, the world would have been a very worst place, even to survive. If you are mature enough to understand that marriage is a responsibility, and you will be with her and take care of her as much possible and treat her as a person and not an object then you might be eligible for marriage. The things stated above may seem like small things that can be done by anyone, but trust me if we see a person as a person and mainly woman as a person, the world would have been a much better place.

Coming to eligibility for kids, this is a more significant responsibility than marriage because the child’s mind is the most delicate thing in the world, once it is damaged in any way, it creates such massive trauma that they cannot forget till the end. It will cause such huge complications that it may end up taking their life. According to a study from Oxford, 21% of schizophrenic cases are due to child abuse. If a person is not financially stable, do not have an average household ( where a person is treated as a person), is psychologically not stable. Those who cannot understand the feelings of people around him, who cannot treat a girl child and a boy child with the same love and care must not be allowed to have children.

Finally, I want to conclude by saying if a person is disturbed in life, he doesn’t have any right to disturb others life by being part of their life and they shouldn’t bring new life to this already twisted world, abuse them, turn them like him and repeat the cycle.