Emotions of the baboon and its pat on the back

She left. I am standing there at the railway station. I feel like running behind the train like in the films, but that would be dumb, I guess. Ah! I should just shut the fuck up and move already but I’m just looking at the moving train. What am I expecting? Are these my emotions speaking? I don’t know. Do I want her to cinematically bend form the door and wave her hand? How foolish of me. But I don’t know, it would have felt good.

I started walking out but everything felt new. I don’t even know what’s missing. But again, I guess I want to be sad because she went away. Or am I really sad? Am I sad because I know that I should be, or am I naturally sad? It’s too hard to distinguish what comes naturally and what you bring on to yourself through observations. But can one manipulate emotions easily? Why am I even thinking this nonsense!

I held to this bus and hopped on it as I am going home. And everything is peaceful and calm because the bus is not crowded. And I began diverting myself as I seemed to be drifting along the lines of overthinking. I’m a human; a body. A mere body. I shouldn’t be giving myself up to the emotions. Because I should be reasonable. What good gives emotions? Can emotions exist without reason? Look at how dumb I was at the station, I almost cried. Emotions are dumb.

Something is distracting me and bringing me back to this world, from the world of my thoughts. Because of the whistle of the bus conductor. He somehow feels like a circus master, the passengers should dance along with his whistle. Isn’t it odd to have a conductor who checks the conduct of passengers in a bus? Can’t people behave themselves? Does he have to whistle and tell people to not stand at doors and behave in a civic manner? What are we, apes?

As I thought about apes, the ape arrives bold and most beautiful. It jumped onboard from the road. The bus is so fast and it is humanly impossible to do such a stunt. He does look like an ape too. Like a baboon that finds a banana, he looks proud for pulling such a brainless stunt. “Are you mad?” shouts the conductor and I see the baboon smiling. “Kickk” he replied and it blew my mind. He did that just to feel the kick of it!

How brainless! How uncivilised! Is this how people who just blindly follow their emotions appear? Like apes? I’m an ape too, we all are apes, but we moved away from being ape. You can not be looking like a human and behave like a monkey at the same time. As I was thinking about how dumb this ape is, it was wiping its nose using its shirt. I am disgusted at the very sight of this unhygienic stunt-freak baboon.

He smiles and looks at the girl sitting opposite to him. The seats are empty, but he won’t sit. He stands at the door, and smiles at the girl straight. Because of course, he does whatever he feels like doing. And he doesn’t give a thought about it. What if I was the girl’s family? What if I kicked him in the nuts as a result of his behavior? He doesn’t think about that probability. Because again, he just does what he wishes; a slave to his emotions. And he doesn’t control them. 

Why should we control them, as a matter of fact? I’m lost. Is he happier than me because I don’t see him being guilty for drooling over a girl publicly. He isn’t bothered about how the girl feels about him. This two minute creeping gives him pleasure. He is obviously a creep, but a creep is happier than me. Does that mean I’m sad? Am I sad? I’m not, I have everything with me. I control myself!

I decide how my mind emotes. And I don’t let my emotions ride me and that makes me superior to this sweating baboon drooling over random girls. He doesn’t even care if he finds her pretty or not. I guess by his looks and behavior that he looks at every girl in the same way. He just drools over the entire gender regardless of their age or preference or looks. The extremely cis-baboon that wants what it wants and takes what it takes. 

How do people express their emotions openly like that? I would never be the baboon. Because I have good control on myself. And I have been there; I once was a person who just did what my heart advised. No fucks given to the consequences, a slave to my emotions. I wouldn’t lie, it was exciting to live that way. But that’s not civic! If my actions destroy or harm someone else’s harmony even involuntarily, that’s something I can’t accept.

I have to worry about the consequences. I just have to because we should be self-aware, or what’s the purpose of living together as a society? The vibrating phone distracts me again. It’s her! I’m excited once again, I picked the call up. I killed my excitement. “Everything’s fine?” I asked. I’m waiting for her reply, she is silent. “Are you ok?” she asks. I don’t know why she asked that. Those words started doing something in my mind.

Am I okay? Weird! “What do you mean?” I asked. “Are you crying?” she asked. My throat suddenly feels heavy, I am unable to speak because of what I heard. There is a tremble in my voice, I’m unable to find words to speak. I don’t know what’s happening to me! “I’ll call you when I get home” I said forcefully and cut the call. The block in my throat started growing intensely. Something is happening right in the middle of my chest. It feels sharp and uncontrollable. My vision is growing blurry; my eyes watery. Fuck!

Am I crying? The water kept growing and the excess drop started coming out of the eye as there was no place left in my eye to hold them. Yeah, I’m crying. I’m trying to close my lids. I closed them hard, shut them! I put my both hands over my eyes, pushed my eyes so hard trying to stop crying. Don’t cry! Please! Are you crying for the sake of it? Do you really miss her? Or are you crying because you have to? You fucking idiot! You complicated piece of junk!

Suddenly a hand fell on my head and I looked at the man with my semi-teary eyes. It was the baboon. He is patting my head and moves to sit beside me. I closed my eyes again with my arms. The baboon didn’t ask me anything. Maybe it’s just because I’m a girl, but either way his touch didn’t feel bad. He kept patting and he never spoke a word. And as a result of it I felt good and I cried!


This tale and the tales to be followed are series of incidents which are taking place in the Land of Mendacius, a country in dystopia masked as utopia.



It’s 12 in the noon and the corridors were filled with kids running out of their classrooms holding lunch-boxes. Teachers were relieved of their duty, they seemed pleasant as they can now rest awhile. But Margaret, she doesn’t look relieved at all; she looked like she just saw a ghost. She was heading towards the dean’s office and was looking at little David who was walking along with her. David looks confused, as if he doesn’t know what’s happening. Soon the corridors and classes were empty as the students rushed to the lunch hall. David is looking at the students having their lunch while they were crossing the lunch hall. The empty corridors and stone walls echoed their footsteps as they approached set of stairs. All the way down, David started thinking what might have irked his Teacher. “What did I do, Miss?” he opened his mouth finally looking at Margaret. But she didn’t respond she kept on walking until they finally reached the Dean’s office. She opened her tight lips as she was about to say something, but closed them again, she just didn’t want to speak to David. So, she gestured David to wait outside. She wasn’t even looking at him when she signalled him to wait. She entered the Dean’s office and David started peeking in through the glass door. Margaret looked frightened and it looked like she was complaining, she pointed to David while speaking to the Dean. David hid as Margaret was pointing towards him. The school peon approached David, played wih his chubby cheeks. “What’s the matter little dove?” the Peon asked. David just shrugged and Margaret rushed out. The peon looked at Margaret “Good afternoon, Miss” he smiled. Margaret smiled back “How’s your day Ganesh?” she asked. “As busy as it could ever get” Ganesh sighed “Some kid has brought unapproved food in his box…. the quality tester was going all nuts on the kid. I had to call the kid’s parents to inform their kid would starve till they bring him approved food. I never understand why few parents don’t check the list before they prepare meals for their kids. I even memorized every item in that list by heart for my kids…” Ganesh kept on complaining. “Ganesh, Sorry but I have something to take care of. Can we talk about this later?” Margaret interrupted him and looked at David. “What’s wrong Miss? Did the little dove do something?” Ganesh asked curiously. Margaret looked around for a while and asked Ganesh to come a bit closer. Margaret was whispering something in Ganesh’s ears and all David could hear was air. As soon as she finished whispering, Ganesh turned towards David and he looked like someone used a stun gun on him. “This never happened before… not with people of his age!” Ganesh exclaimed. “Exactly, Ganesh! I happened to be his counsellor! Now it’s on me!” she sighed. Ganesh left but he was looking back at David in shock. Margaret called David’s father “Hello, Am I speaking to Mr. Albert Ross?”. “Yes, who’s this?” Albert responded. “I’m Margaret, your Son’s new counsellor. You need to come down here” Margaret was biting her nails and scratching her head while speaking. “Any trouble Ms. Margaret?” Albert sounded worried. “Yes, Mr. Albert and please understand what I’m trying to do here! It’s not something you convey in a call! It’s a regular interaction session” Margaret hinted him subtextually. “I get it! Thanks! I’ll be there in few minutes, my office is just 3KM from the school” Albert cut the call. Margaret was looking at David helplessly. Seven minutes passed and Albert was there all tensed and worried. “Can’t mention on a call, you said! Because you didn’t want them to know what happened. Is my son in a huge mess?” Albert asked interrogatively. “Yes he is, Mr.Albert!” Margaret looked very serious when she said that. “Look…Mr.Albert… I’m new here! Even the Dean wanted to help you, you are his close assosciate he said. I just want to keep this under the radar. I’ll forget this ever happened. But I’ve never seen someone of this age do the thing he did!” Margaret exclaimed. Albert remained speechless, opened his lips curiously and shook his head a bit. “I’ve seen people do this, people voluntarily choose to do this at certain age. But what is he? 7? 8? I’ve never seen people of this age do such a thing and again it was involuntary, he didn’t know what he was doing! He was doing it instinctively. How did he develop such an instinct? That’s what bothering me in the first place. What if he developed those instincts? He’d turn to be a threat to the Mendacius!” She was gasping and Albert was so confused “Cool down, Ms.Margaret! I always make sure we pack approved food for him, he even wears approved and tested clothes. I don’t seem to understand the problem over here!” he exclaimed. “Mr. Albert!” Margaret took a deep breath and came a bit closer “Your son, unlike all the other kids, spoke unapproved words. He was speaking..” She looked around to check if anyone is listening “Truth… He was speaking raw and brutal truth Mr.Albert! He was expressing what he felt in this piece of unapproved paper!” She gave a worn out journal to Albert. “I picked it from the woods on the way to home” David shouted to defend himself. “It isn’t marked! It’s unapproved!” Albert exclaimed and gulped while opening the journal.

My Feelings…..

Why am I not allowed to eat chicken while my cat eats them? Does it taste good?

Why am I forced to speak nicely when I want to yell my lungs out? Does it feel good to yell?

Why am I forced to wear Red, when I love to wear Blue? Will I look good in Blue?

Albert’s eyes were wide open and he shut the book close. “Where are these coming from?” Albert asked David. David just shrugged and looked down , his eyes were filled with tears, he was ready to burst out. “Thanks for letting it under the radar, Miss! I will take care of it! I never thought I’d have to teach him what’s approved and what’s not. Kids these days are just grasping it automatically. He’s either too dumb to catch up or too smart to follow them! Either way, I’ll make this right! Just grant him a leave for half-day” Albert assured Margaret and held little David’s hands “I’ve already done that” margaret passed a slip to Albert. Albert smiled and started walking out of the school holding David’s hands tight. Albert scanned the pass and his ID card at the gate and it was all glowing green, the gates are open now. Both of them got in to their car, they were going home. David was looking at Albert, his face was filled with guilt and fear. But Albert looked calm, he remained silent for the rest of the journey. They reached home and Albert picked up a ladder from the garage, looked at David and smiled. David felt relieved and followed Albert into the master bedroom. Albert climbed up to the attic and was searching for something. David was looking at the ladder and was scared to climb up, he sat on the bed instead. Albert came down with a big book in his hands. He brushed the book to clean the dust off it and sat beside David. “All devices off!” Albert yelled. *System shutting down* the home assistants were turned off. “Now, when we were young, our dad gave this book to us. There was a rule that we should rote learn all the phrases and rules in this book. It’s the foundation of Mendacius! As generations passed, it wasn’t necessary because kids learned approved behaviour from their parents. But you! You seem to be a rebel! A free thinker like your grandpa! Which is very dangerous in here! Now I want you to rote learn this book, report to me everyday about what you’ve been learning!” Albert gave the book to David. “I’ll let you write in your little journal here” Albert gives David the journal he was writing “But, you should never take it out in public, never read it out to people, it’s a secret you’ll protect with you! To the outside world, you are what the world says you are! Promise me!” Albert said while rubbing little David’s cheeks. David smiled and said, “Promise!” and snatched the journal out of his dad’s hands. On the bed lied the book which Albert gave to David. APPROVED WAY OF LIFE IN MENDACIUS was written on the cover page and it had a picture of a kid holding a board stating SAY NO TO FREE-SPEECH. David opened the book and the first chapter was EUPHEMISMS AND UNHARMFUL TERMS TO SPEAK.

*20 years had passed*

It was a customer service call centre, David was speaking to a client, his desk had a picture of him and his dad. There was a separate picture of his mom. “Yes, sir! You’re absolutely right! Yeah! You’ve an interesting point of view, sir!” he told his client. There was a chart posted on his desk, SUGARCOATED TERMS TO REMEMBER it read. There was a list on the chart.





There 745 more Euphemisms to help David speak to his clients. David was scribbling something under his desk and it looked like a worn out diary.