The Inner Demon

It howled at night in the pitch-black jungle.
It wanted to spring upon its prey,
Upon hearing the prayer.
Oh! It was a calling.

It possessed the man to commit the act.
The possession is real, oh, it's true!
The urge is real, the thirst too.
He's a conniving man now!

He turned towards the moon and smiled.
He pulled his claws and wings out,
And flew towards the moon.
Oh, the beast it was.

He got hold of a branch and moved forward;
Branch by branch and tree by tree; 
Moved till the end of the trees.
At the sight of lotus pond.

He stretched to grab the flower he loved.
In the water, when he saw himself.
Astonished, at his reflection.
For the Demon he was.

All along the way, was I always a demon?
Is my bad myself as the good is me?
Am I demon to act the thought?
Is the good thought-not-act?

He growled and cried for his own reflection.
The guilt killed his mind, ah, the tears.
The appearance too; unwatchable!
Turn me back! He growled.

But can he? Or will he change the act done?
The devilish deed and demonish greed.
The wantings of urge and pure need.
Now he is all the demon's feed.

The demon jumped out, sprung out from him.
Left him crying at the pond, laughing hard.
The man on his knees, crying out loud.
But would he know it left?

Would he ever again dare to see in the pond?
Could he ever have a glance at himself?
Will he realise that it was not him?
That it was the demon.

And the demon? Just part of his mind's jungle.
The one that hides and attacks when called.
The actions! It possesses them hard.
The thoughts however, not!

It is the thoughts that call it out to act open.
The man could have controlled the call.
But did he? He gave himself to it.
He sold the soul to the demon.

Now he gets what he asked for, the eternal guilt.
The burden of the thought; that unasked act.
That could have passed away; the thought.
But it did turn into an act.
The unforgettable.
The un-passable.
Quite natural.
But still is,
Is never.
No, No.

Death of Self and alienation from oneself

Well, if you are familiar with me, you might also be familiar with my usual philosophical topics about self, void and nothingness. Today I will not go deep into philosophies of self, but I will talk about the daily alienation one feels psychologically in the modern-day. I as a result of this confirm and declare “Death of Self, in modern day”. Day by day we lose ourselves, and one day there won’t be us anymore.

Death of Self internally

Well, this is something that happens internally. It begins right when you join a school or any ‘conditioning’ institution. What these ‘conditioning’ institutions do is preach morals that are generally accepted with no practical evidence. These prejudices exist to create a particular standard in the children’s brain. Schools exist to make this child into a product that won’t complain about running in the chase of money. It is true that schools also educate children and make them rational, but the disadvantages outweigh this advantage.

Somehow the morals, ethics and values that these school fix in the minds of children creates a fine line between what they desire and what they should do. Thus begins the alienation from themselves! They differentiate between desires and reality. They control their passion, likes and interests and follow up other people in the wild goose chase of money. I remember many teachers saying “passion is talk of an incompetent fool, competent people work hard for money”. Since then, whatever desire we get, we compare it with the preached morals and suppress them if they do not meet the societal standards. This suppression goes on throughout life; we consciously alienate ourselves.

Death of Self externally

Of course, school is an external factor, but it acts fundamentally to create this internal alienation. External factors, there are numerous things to speak about them. I will only talk of things that I have personally faced, so if that doesn’t seem like a factor of alienation for you, then it just means that you have a different external factor than I. For me, the most prominent external factor that kills me every day is people! People decide what I should do with my everyday life. And in turn, in their lives, it is someone else that decides for them. 

Some factor keeps me from doing the things I like. For suppose, if I wanted to spend my weekend on the couch, doing nothing, there comes an external force that pushes me out in the form of people. Sometimes an empty fridge causes this force to push me out, buy some vegetables. Sometimes it is a friend who felt lonely because he had seen some photos of his friends on Instagram. He saw that they were hanging out, and thus he decides to hang out with me forcing me to spend the day hanging out with him rather than on my couch.

This ‘friend’ analogy is merely an example of how little the problem yet how big the consequence would be. This small act of his can make me do something against my desire to lay on my couch. And these little acts, when repeated, may make me feel alienated from myself. I might feel out-of-control left choiceless. 

External yet, grand scale!

The grand scale, the primary alienation that comes externally, is from the morals. They might be the ones that the schools fed you, or your guardians did, or you learned them yourself from a preacher or other sources. When you believe these prejudices, you begin to judge yourselves. You begin to feel guilty if you have done something selfish. It is almost as being selfish is an evil thing. ‘Selfish’ is now a negative term! Preachers push their ideas of ‘selfless’ and kill your self with their judgements.

A white-bearded weirdly-clothed guru tells you that you should not masturbate and preserve your energy. He calls your lust evil and tells you that you are a devil. If that impacted you: if you took him seriously, then you are going to feel guilty whenever you committed the act. The acts that you do for someone else, charity, help and favours have become a business. This favour-giving business makes people think they are great because they have done something that is not selfish.

Unselfish and Selfless!

Little do people know that a genuinely unselfish act is not selfless. “Selfless” doesn’t exist! There is self in everything you do, without self you do not live. The self is nothing but you! The death of self is the death of you. All these preached morals, norms, white-beards and conditioning institutions want you to kill your emotions, desires and passion in the name of civilisation. “Instead of buying a thousand dollar phone, you could have donated it!” they will tell you. You could have also bought a thousand one-dollar-candies, but that is not what you wanted. All you wanted was a phone; you bought it! It is your money; you desired it; now enjoy it! Let no external factor kill yourself! 

I’m not preaching you immoral; I’m telling you that it is okay to be amoral instead!

India, let’s sense the senses!

What has happened to our eye?
Are we actually even seeing?;
When we can’t really see what’s going on in our country?

Our rights, our power, our money
But looks like we too are politician’s bunnies;
Our wrong electoral choices;
Rapes, murders are the consequences.

What has happened to our voice?
Has money blinded our morals & principles?
That being ignorant has become so integral.

‘India is my country,
All Indians are my brothers & sisters’
Every person once in their lifetime has pledged this.
So why do our words & actions not coexist?

What has happened to our ear?
For we can’t even listen to;
The shrieks & cry of India’s daughters.

How many times will we keep proving;
That humanity means nothing;
For money has now become everything.

What has happened to the sense of our senses?
For not only girls, even animals fear any touch;
Is this the future India had promised us?
Is this why the legends fought for years for our freedom?
Was this all?

Wake up, Indians!
And for once wake your senses!
See & listen clearly;
For our voices are our weapons towards what wrong;
If everyone’s going wait to wake up till it’s all over;
Any good excepted will be long gone;
Even before you wake up to yawn!

Donkey, Donkey; Old And Grey.

The guy that loves you might have hated someone and might be hated by someone. Our perception of people is an abstract idea of them formed through deduction and might end up being false. What is good, and What is bad? Who is a good person? Is a moral person good? If I belong to a region where killing my father is an honour and senicide is accepted, then I’m following my rightful morals as a son. Am I a good boy? Or am I bad because your morals don’t accept me killing my father and ending his suffering? For me, I’m moral, because I believe that it is the rightful thing to do. But for you, it is wrong. You have been born and brought with different teachings and different morals. We both are different, our right and wrong are different too. I belong to a tribe which doesn’t allow me to eat flesh, as one of my ancestors banned us from hunting and hurting animals. You were born and brought up in a place where you don’t need to witness the slaughter of animals and the horrorshow of animal screams. So you don’t see the harm in eating flesh. For you, you are doing nothing wrong, but for me who respects nature, you are a cunt! And I’m an uncivilised brute for you because I don’t even wear my clothes properly.

The nicest guy you know might have done some bad things you will never know. Sometimes the nice guy doesn’t even know that he had done a bad thing to someone. For his belief is that he is rightful according to his own morals. In the long journey of life, it is impossible to secure some beliefs without hurting any other. We all are armoured in our opinions and beliefs and look for the same in other people. Assuming a place where incest is not wrong is hard to imagine because we are morally against it and it’s unperceivable. But we don’t know what the people committing incest are feeling. We can never be in their shoes. Your nice brother must have molested someone, and your great father might have bullied someone in school. We all are in this shit together, and no matter how you perceive ‘good’ people, no one is universally good. They might be right for you, but not for everyone. This contradiction only proves the labelling of right and wrong to be false. That it just exists in our brain. Good is what satisfies our beliefs and opinions, we like it. Bad is that which is against our perception. That’s the reason why something out of the box is not easily acceptable. The very best friend you have trusted and has been dear to you might have been a devil to your sibling. While you put your arms across them, they put them in private places of your siblings.

Is the world dark place? No, it isn’t! But it isn’t light either; It’s grey! And that’s how the world functions. There is no universal black and white; there is the only grey! In real-world, black and white co-exist at the same place. They are inside everyone, and it is up to their choice to show it to you. Given a situation where there are no morals and humans are free to do whatever they want, you will then see the true colours of the world, for what it really is, that is, Grey and desaturated. Every bright smile is also capable of a dark grin. Given the intensity of emotion, anyone can be provoked to commit a murder. In fact, if there were no judgements, both internal and external, humans would be tempted to commit crimes. That’s why sins exist, that’s why the law exists, that’s why schools exist. But they are failing to condition every animal. Because the thing they teach at these conditioning centres is wrong and against the nature of a human person. The raw, natural and secret voice of yours that criticises everything and that personality of yours that you hide inside for the sake of so-called manners is the real you! It’s the inner demon that’s free from sin, crime and moral burden. And it is not the black you, it is the grey you! It’s the Donkey that’s old and asleep.

Donkey, donkey;
Old and grey!
Open your mouth and gently bray;

Lift your ears
And blow your horn.
To wake up the world,
this sleepy morn!

Moral Policing: A stereotype doesn’t decide us!

By – Mourya Koundinya

The world has suffered many types of pandemics, wars, droughts, all kinds of hideous crimes. None of them united people to help each other to get out of the problematic situation, no matter how many people died or suffered. But there is one thing that brings most of the people together no matter their religion, caste, creed etc., that is moral policing. People come running to defend their “believes and traditions” in such a way that they feel breathless. What is moral policing? “It is an umbrella category of vigilante groups which act to enforce a code of morality”, this is the definition from google and dictionary. Let us discuss some scenarios, where moral policing is done against law and constitution.

Individuals and their clothes (especially women):   India has “right to freedom” as its fundamental rights according to the constitution of the country. One of the most bizarre things that oppose that is judging people, especially women, based on the way they dress because it is wrong according to some so-called “culture and tradition.” This moral policing mostly happens in social media.

When a celebrity or women posts a picture, there will be at least 5 out of 10 comments on her dress. The thing is their clothing is not the issue; the issue is with the people’s mindset. They say that we respect women a lot, and treat her as a goddess, do not wear short clothes. It ruins our culture. They talk about treating women as goddess and clothing in the same sentence. Who looks what kind of clothes a goddess is wearing other than a pervert? What kind of sick mentality is this? It’s her money, her choice on what she wants to wear. Who the hell are these people to comment?

When there is rape news, you will at least find 5 out of 10 comments about the victims dressing. It is very sick and bizarre. If a person thinks women way of dressing is the reason for rape, he is no less than a rapist. Not only men, but even fellow women also comment the same. It is disconcerting and hideous. 

Marriage: The average age of a boy to get married in India is 26and for a girl, it is 22. If there is any deviation from this age, there comes moral policing. This moral policing happens mostly by family members and relatives. Questions like ” are you ok down there?” “Do you want to get tested for any problems?” “How dare you disrespect the culture and not get married ?” And many more are to be faced. People have responsibilities or dreams to fulfil, but no, our culture is more important than that.

Imagine a guy sitting there and getting questions like ” are you sterile?” Imagine what goes in his mind when someone asks him this. It is awkward. Why should one answer about himself to some unknown or known relatives? What kind of emotional torture is this?

Individual choices of careers:  The employment rate in India is 46.8%, in which women percentage is 23.6%. BBC surveyed this in 2017 on why is this very low. The result was due to marriage and cultural issues. This moral policing happens mostly by family members and relatives. If a woman wants to work; achieve their goals and dreams, and some culture/tradition is coming in between, Then the problem is with the culture and the people spreading it.

If a woman wants to work at odd hours, it becomes worse. “What if some boy does something to you?” “Women place must be in the kitchen” these types of dialogues come into the picture. 

In the end, it is very simple. If you want to do anything which is legal and is not hurting anyone, Go ahead and do it. If culture or tradition is judging people for what they like and is legal, then you need not care or follow it. Moral policing is useless because morals are subjective, and actual ethics are based on laws.

The original sin!

The guiltiest pleasure there always has been sex. We shy away from the very notion of it. We try to behave very asexually, but the inner demon always shouts it out. You know you need it, you still think of it, but you feel guilty. Well, there is no need to be guilty of it. You are not a pervert just by thinking of it. It’s your natural drive asking for you do it. When you feel the urge, it feels the only fact there is, nothing other than sex feels real. But as they say, the post-orgasm demon gets you right after the climactic moment. You feel like shit like you have done an enormous crime.

But you didn’t, you just got mischievous that’s all! But why the guilt? Why do you regret? It’s obviously because of the ban of love in society. Everyone wants it, but everyone has always been against it so much that they made it the original sin.

Society bans you from exploring your sexuality. Everyone becomes a villain, and there’s no one but the internet to tell you what it is. Cigarettes are accepted, even marijuana, but this not-sin always remained a sin! In some countries, people still feel hesitation for calling SEX as SEX. I remember my teacher just skipping the chapter and asking us to read it ourselves.

We have made it a sin for so long that people are feeling sexually repressed. They are taking the wrong measures to fulfil their urges. Rape, one of the causes of rape, is sexual repression. The same logic that legalising weed to control illegal weed rings can be applied to sex. You can legalise single person prostitution instead of making it a ring. But, unlike marijuana, consensual sex isn’t harmful. Neither was it illegal. It’s just looked upon as immoral. How can we reject the very thing that brought us onto the earth? Why not tell your kids about it, before they learn it themselves all wrong? Why not being open about it for just a normal thing it is.

Just like how there are always two extremes for anything, there are people who overdo when they talk about sex. Sex is often shown as the ultimate liberation a human can have in their life. It’s not the only thing you should do! It’s the exact extremism that the guys who ban it are doing. Sex is a normal thing just like how one eats, drinks and shits. It is not your final destination. 

It is one of the basic needs of a human and every sexually reproducing beings. I don’t see dogs being shy about sex. Neither do I see them writing books on why one should never have sex. Of course, they are not as aware as us, not as intelligent as us, but they sure are free and happy than us! 

Talking about sex is not pervy; neither is being open about it. It’s not a one time offer you get in life. You can always get it if you try, there are various other methods to get one laid. To be honest, even I feel guilty writing about it. I’m overcoming my guilt to let you know why it’s okay and not something that is to be regretted.

To reject it is to deny your own identity. Adam and Eve (here, in a metaphorical sense referring to our ancestors) didn’t eat the forbidden fruit, and they just did their part in the course of nature to preserve their race. It got pleasurable and better in evolution, and it’s now an activity people do for fun. 

It’s just simple to speak about sex. Before we fight for the recognition of other sexual orientations, we need first to normalise sex. Why is the identification of all the different genders being a hard struggle? Why are people finding it hard? Because people try to hate or immensely love sex, they have immoralised or over-moralised sex itself. 

We should take it slow and fight for sexual freedom first. It is not to be looked upon as a taboo. Normalise it and educate people about consent. Don’t burden people with moral bullshit. Please don’t make them feel repressed. Explore your own sexual desires, keep the urges in your control. You are only a pervert if you are over-doing it. 

What good have morals done banning the very nature of human?