On a Saturday evening, I completed my work and scrolling through my social media. Liking memes and just passing the time. A rare moment where the efficacy of my sadness it not taking over. After some time, there was a chime on the phone.
It is my friend Charvi. She is one of the good buddies I have, and we talk regularly and a lot of stuff. If I feel low or want to share something, I’m pretty sure that her inbox is always open. The text says she has something important to talk and come to Instagram. I opened it, and here is how the conversation goes.
Charvi: Hey. Hi, listen, I have something important to say.
Me: Yes, madame, at your service!
Charvi: Hahaha, okay this is important, listen carefully.
Me: You robbed a bank, and now the police are chasing you?
Charvi: Yeah, I even got a cure for stupidity, but sadly its efficacy is only on humans. Sorry, can’t fix you. Now shut up and listen.
Me: Lol, okay, go ahead.
Charvi: Okay, so my parents are findings options for me to marry. I don’t know that guy. I’m a bit nervous, and I don’t want to marry now. I want to stand up for myself, fulfil my dreams and then think of marriage. What to do?
Me: Okay, I understand what position you are in right now. Marriage is must be mutual between two people. If you are not comfortable, tell them that you are not. If you have dreams, you must chase them.
Charvi: Yeah, I wish it is that easy. Me going to my parents and saying I want to chase dreams and don’t want to marry. Would they listen to me?
Me: It is better to sit and talk before taking an important decision in your life. If you decide to marry, the person coming to your life will be with you for at least the next 40 years. So, think and talk in all the ways possible.
Charvi: Yeah, I will gather up the courage to talk to them. Gosh! I wish this were easy. Why don’t we have ideal efficacy everywhere in life? If I don’t marry, I will make my parents unhappy. Why should it be like this?
Me: Well, to be honest, we humans created these boundaries. We feel to care for loved ones’ decision because we give value to them in our life. It varies from person to person. I’m sure you will come up with a way to convince your parents and follow your dreams.
Charvi: Easy for you to say! You always have people who care for you. You always tell stories about your friends and how they care for you. I feel jealous sometimes on you and want to be in your shoes.
Me: Lol, to be very honest, those days were gone. The error is on both sides. I stopped sharing the incidents that are happening, and ears who used to listen have stopped hearing. Now those eyes hate me and that ears don’t search for my voice.
Charvi: Oh, shut up! You make this shit up in your brain. Your friends love you, and I have seen Instagram stories and stuff. Stop creating scenarios for yourself and be what you are. People who care for you love you.
Me: Well, to be brutally honest “no”. People who used to care for me don’t do that anymore. I cared for them even if they got a papercut. I used to ask how they were and used to talk. Recently I literally posted a suicide note article on my social media. No one gave a “fuck.”
Not only that I posted a lot of sad stuff, and I even posted that I was depressed. No one batted an eye, and I even went through some tests medically. They knew this and didn’t bother to ask what happened. These are the same people who said, “We are there” “we will talk to you no matter what.”
Charvi: Oh my god! What happened? Are you okay?
Me: There is nothing new, the usual family issues. Adding to that, even my organisation hated me, to which, I was most loyal started hating me. I made a few mistakes, told apologies in all the ways possible. It hurts when you feel like you annoy the person who you respect you the most.
Charvi: Oh, gosh! You must be devastated! I’m so sorry. How are you now? I’m sure you hate those people now.
Me: I’m okay, I guess, and I don’t hate them to be very honest. If I know they are having problems; I will message the same way and find out if everything is okay. It is not that I’m good or bad; it is just the way I’m.
I respect those people without any tags and will continue to do so no matter what. The feelings I have for those people are not under business terms. It is under care, trust and love. That is the real efficacy of a relation.
Charvi: I wish I were not busy these days! I wish I would have talked to you. It’s okay; it is not too late. I’m here for you.
Me: Thanks for that, I know you are always there. Everyone says people should be self-sufficient, self-dependent and stuff. But I tell people should have to be able to self-hold themselves. When there is no one to hold your hand, you must be able to hold yourself and move ahead.
On the other hand, when I expressed these th0ughts through my writings they called me I was craving attention. I’m being a drama queen on this. I didn’t know this attracted attention until I read from their shoes. I was just expressing my emotions.
Yes it hurts, and it’s depressing but, if no one is ready to be with you or left you for any reason, you must be able to love and live with you. Even if you remove all the people and relations in your life, you exist, and that is a fact. This is what I believe the real efficacy of life.